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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
How to protect your financial future when considering marriage to a man.
By now, most of us have seen that Dr Phil clip of the woman whose husband gambled their retirement away on his online girlfriends. How can you avoid finding yourself in a similar predicament?
Financial security is something I was raised to consider as a very important thing. Even in my pre-FDS pickme days, I always researched divorce, child support and alimony laws when I started dating a man, since you should always know what you might be getting into. Sure, it's not the most romantic thing, but it's also very unromantic to wake up one day to realise your retirement has been ruined because of a man's PeNiS ReAsOns.
1) Consider a prenuptial and/or post-nuptial agreement.
These may or may not be legal and could be contestable in court, depending on the state and country you live in. This varies wildly, so please research the relevant laws and see which apply in your case.
2) Don't consider marriage to a man who is in debt that he cannot easily afford to repay within a maximum of 3 years.
Debt can and will ruin your life, because of the power of compounding interest. Let him ruin HIS life over it, not yours, sis. The actual number can be variable, as obviously a barista has a different capacity compared to a dentist. Try not to date someone who you suspect has a large amount of debt, because in many states/countries, that debt becomes yours if you were to marry.
3) Don't consider marriage to a man who has racked up debt for frivolous reasons.
If his debt is not due to his education, business or health reasons, it is most likely pointless consumer debt, which is a signal that he's not smart with money and will continue his poor choices in life.
4) Have your own SEPARATE savings and/or retirement accounts.
DO NOT combine your resources with a man's, no matter how great he seems. You may have no legal ground to take any action against him if he decides he wants to spend that money to pay for porn or his mistress.
5) Realize that being a stay at home mom can be a major risk in some countries/states.
In many countries, especially in the EU, if you choose to be a SAHM by not going to work, and thus not paying into the pension system for many years, you will have a tough time when you retire. If you're lucky, your husband will be a good man and you will still be happily married when you're 65, so even a €500 pension won't be terrible. However, if things don't turn out so well in your marriage, living on that as a single elderly woman is going to be utter hell.
6) Do not co-sign for ANYTHING that you cannot afford to pay for by yourself if necessary.
This includes mortgages. It's not a guarantee that the house will be paid off if/when you get divorced. It's not a guarantee that he will continue making payments for it. The only guarantee you have is yourself.
7) Do not assume you will receive child support or alimony.
These appear to be quite easy to evade nowadays. Ensure that your husband invests in you and your children in other ways, for example, by investing in your education or your business, or setting up a trust fund/college fund in the children's names.
8) Get your wills made.
Do not assume that just because you're his wife, you're his heir if he were to pass away. Men can and have had secret girlfriends, wives and children. Get him to make his will and be sure you know the contents. This is, of course, not any sort of guarantee, either, since he could easily change it without telling you. Make your own will as well, even if you're absolutely healthy. If possible, avoid listing your husband as a legal heir, and have your estate pass on to your parents/children/grandchildren, until he proves himself trustworthy.
9) Do not marry a man with a lower income/income potential than you.
This is just a recipe for disaster. Such men are worse than LVM - they're NVM and can only drag you (and your entire future) down. If a man earns less money than you, you could end up having to pay him spousal support. Just look at what happened between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
10) If you're considering marriage to someone from a different state or country, research which laws are most favorable for you and your future children.
In many nations, custody is split 50-50, regardless of the circumstances of the divorce.
If you're marrying someone from another country, you might have the option of choosing where to (legally) marry, which means you get to choose which set of laws you wish to register your marriage under, and ultimately, which set of laws apply in case you ever need to get a divorce.
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I'm not an expert on any of these things; I just have a tendency to research obsessively. If there are any lawyers and accountants here, please add in some specific useful advice for your states and countries!
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