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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
I've been reading the posts and comments here as a lurker for awhile now and I see a lot of content from women who, frankly, don't seem to act like or think of themselves as Queens. If you've read the Rules and Why Men Love Bitches, you'll know that being a Queen is non-negotiable and foundational; if you want to date at this level, Queendom comes first, not second.
And I don't mean you can pretend to be one, or try to fake-it-'til-you-make-it, because neither of these strategies will work. Men can smell desperation and insecurity from miles away, and will take advantage of it if you give them the opportunity.
Before I get into the specifics of what does and doesn't make a Queen, I want to clarify, again, that it is my sincere belief that stepping into your Queendom is a necessary first step before you can date at this level.
If you're morbidly obese, struggling with untreated mental illness, and just got fired from your Wal-Mart job, your energy is probably best spent on bettering yourself and your circumstances rather than dating. While there's nothing inherently wrong about any of those things, alone or in combination, your ability to attract high-quality men on the dating scene is going to be close to non-existent. Is it impossible? No, but you'll likely waste a lot of time and energy looking, and Queens excel at budgeting their time and energy wisely.
I also see a lot of women comment about other women's unfortunate circumstances and say encouraging things that essentially amount to "No matter what your circumstances, there's a high-quality man who will accept all of these negative qualities about you!", as if holding hands around the fire and singing Kumbaya gently into the night will make a difference when it comes to dating this way. It won't.
A Queen has razor sharp self awareness and doesn't shy away from hard truths. If you need to be coddled, if you need a warm and gentle approach, you aren't ready for dating at this level. If you're in that position, be honest with yourself about it, and take a good, hard look at your life and figure out what you need to improve, and get busy!
All that said, let's get into the specific qualities of Queendom:
A Queen knows her worth
A Queen knows, down to her marrow, that she is worthy of the best things that life has to offer. Her confidence is unshakeable. While she experiences setbacks and makes mistakes just like anyone else, she believes wholeheartedly in her ability not only to bounce back, but to grow from the experience and become even better, even more capable.
A Queen is aware of her greatest potential, and fulfills it
She understands, on a deep level, what she's capable of, and sets out to fulfill her deepest potential in all areas of life. She values personal growth for its own sake and puts in the work to make her dreams come true. She is accomplished in a variety of areas and savors her success but never rests on her laurels for too long. She understands her shortcomings and flaws and is always looking to improve herself.
A Queen lives a full, vibrant life
Her life is rich with meaning, and she lives it to the fullest, whatever that means for her as an individual.
A Queen suffers no fools
She does not concern herself with the opinions of those who have not proven their worthiness to her. She does not give of her time and energy to anyone who disrespects her or fails to acknowledge her worth.
A Queen measures people at face value, and she does not give second chances
A Queen does not measure others by their potential, but by how they act and conduct themselves in the here and now. A man who harbors beautiful dreams but has not taken sufficient steps to making them a reality is not fit for her company. Neither does she wait wistfully for a suitor to change for the better.
A Queen only couples with an equal
She does not consort with peasants or princes, but only other full-fledged Kings in their own right. She does not use her power to elevate anyone else to her status. She is not a Kingmaker. Furthermore, she is content to rule alone until a worthy King comes to rule by her side.
A Queen never debases herself for another
She will never lower her standards for the benefit of someone else, nor will she compromise her beliefs to curry favor with another. She has no need to do such things.
A Queen never shies away from the truth
No matter how difficult the truth is to swallow, a Queen never backs down from taking in the true measure of a situation or person. She doesn't delude herself into thinking something is more palatable than it is, and she never lies to herself. If she is confused or unsure, she researches and investigates until a problem becomes clear.
To be a Queen, you have to put in the work. You have to have accomplished things that you're proud of, because those accomplishments because the bedrock upon which you build your unwavering confidence.
If you're truly a Queen, then you'd laugh when a red-pill troll shows up in your mentions and block them accordingly.
You'd block all the men that hit you up for sex on dating apps and you'd never expect anything less but the best treatment from a man when you go on a date.
If a man screws up, you drop him immediately and never look back, because they've just proven to you that they're not worthy of your time and attention.
Ultimately, a Queen is complete unto herself. She has a great career, loving friends and family, financial independence, and an abundance of hobbies and pastimes to fill the hours when she isn't crushing it at her workplace.
Finding a man to settle down would just icing on the cake; she doesn't need a man, but having that companionship would add another level of happiness to an already joyful and fulfilling life.
Saynad's comment:
A queen is busy. She doesn't burden herself with unnecessary dramas and wasting her mental energy and limited time in a day thinking and complaining about shitty people being shitty -- she got better things to do.
A queen is ruthless and exclusive with whom she deemed worthy to occupy her mental space. A queen has so much going on with her life -- she wouldn't even bother with immature people trying to "take her down a peg" and pull her into their pathetic chaos.
A queen becomes a queen not by kumbaya chant in the open fire -- she put in the work, struggling all alone in the journey to levelling up, and always seek to understand her purpose in the world.
A queen sees reality for what it is, and doesn't drown in hopelessness and misery because she understands much much further than surface level extremes. She is sharp, she is strategic, she is cunning, she is wise, she is calm, she is level-headed, she is fearless, she is unburdened, she sees it all. A queen is busy.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.
There are some good points but I feel this is too much in support of hussle culture. Very american approach to dating. I don't want my life to be super busy and full of activities and achievements all the time. You should always work towards your goals but a goal for me is to slow the fuck down. Rest and chill with peace. I don't want a man who has the hussle culture ingrained either. I don't feel like I want to date at this level. I guess I value different traits than others.
"...always seek to understand her purpose in the world."
I can relate to this...seeking to understand others and why they do what they do is one thing...seeking to understand my own purpose has changed my life.