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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
If you haven't already, definitely check out the first part; Personal Finance and Advice which is about working to become more self sufficient.
First and foremost everyone here needs to understand what we at FDS always preach, men and women are different.
And one of the most stark examples of this is how we are treated within the law and with our finances.
Not only do we get paid less, we are also socialized to be unaware of ways to protect ourselves legally or otherwise. And even if we do know how we're still working an uphill battle against a system that wants to keep us down. At every turn you will have men try to devalue you, to upcharge you and to downright trick you out of your financial security.
Women in relationships are especially vulnerable to financial abuse. Falling prey to the lie of 50/50, which despite it's popularized moniker has never been true, women always contribute more, to their own detriment.
In this part of the series, I'll try and go into finances in a relationship, housing, mortgages, protecting your finances and your future. So let's get into it!
Finances in a Relationship:
50/50 doesn't work, and it's not even real as people claim it is. It's not equality, rather it's women taking on even more work and getting nothing in return. You'll give your time, money and financial future to someone who could leave you with nothing, as is usually the case. Focus on your maximum benefit when entering relationships. So what do I mean by this?
His money is the family's money, and your money is your money.
I know some of you will balk at this but let me tell you why this is the way to go. Women make less money than men. Women are often and regularly denied higher paying positions, they work more for less, even in the same positions as men and they take on the burden of house work and child rearing. So you have two unpaid jobs you're working to the bone for, and still you think you don't deserve every penny that man is making?
Let go of ideas that have been perpetuated by the patriarchy, they are ideas that benefit men as a class, not you. You as a woman have to take a different approach to navigate the world.
So keep your bank account(saving as well) separate, invest and save your money. Of course a lot of this varies depending on your specific situation but the principle should stay the same. He contributes more financially, and truthfully you shouldn't bother with men who can't support you or your future children (if you choose to have them) on his sole income.
If taking on certain aspects of the financial responsibility will be to your detriment and is not in your means (meaning it will cost you) then don't take it. Also do not get into a relationship or marry a man with debt and don't co-sign anything for him.
u/Sage_Planter : Let's talk about money : A fantastic post touching on the various ways you can protect yourself and what to watch out for when in a relationship or otherwise.
Housing:
So you're living on your own, looking for an apartment, want to buy a house and you just don't know where to begin? Or are you panning to live with a partner and want to secure yourself?
💰 Renting 💰
With respect to renting, you have a lease and either you're the sole signature or you've signed it with someone. If for some reason your partner moves out or you do you can change the name on the lease.
Resources:
Signing a Lease with a Roommate
Beyond your rental agreement with the landlord you should also have a roommate agreement drawn up, this will detail what your agreement with your partner in terms of fees will be. It's also a great protections against areas where common law marriage is legal. What to include in a roommate agreement.
Please be aware of the current squatter rights in your specific are. It can range from them staying at your place for a couple of days or even them sending their mail to your address.
Resources:
💰 Buying a house and what are Mortgages 💰
Perhaps you're in the process of buying a house or thinking about it in the future, whether you're buying with a spouse or not. Or perhaps you own your home and want to know how to protect yourself.
Resources:
Buying a Home : Perhaps one of the most confusing things to do out there, here is a link on the different things you need to know. Great starting off point for those considering the option.
How your marital status can affect your mortgage : Great little article on how the situation of married, divorced and single can affect you.
Considerations on buying a home as a single woman
💰 Leaving a bad situation 💰
I always advise to have finances he has no access to or even knowledge of. No matter how good a man you have, as a woman you simply don't have the luxury of taking chances. Have this money easily accessible to you, have an exit strategy at the ready.
Having said that I know this isn't the case for many women, and that their current situation isn't one where they can build themselves up and away from their lvm. I'd like to outline some strategies on leaving, and resources that can help.
Resources:
Getting out of an abusive relationship : Safety is a top priority, goes into ways to leave but also make sure you are not harmed in the process. The tidbit about your abuser using nanny cams or tracking devices to monitor you is essential for women to know.
Safety while Using the Internet. : Ways to scrub your history while searching for ways to get out.
Leaving an abuser. : Has great links involved on the legality of taking your kids or pets with you, how to speak to a lawyers and the laws involved.
What to Watch Out For and Plan:
So what can you do before getting married, or even while you're married? How do you figure out what to secure and what to plan. Speaking to a lawyer about setting up your estate is always a good plan. You have to know what your situation is and what you need to secure.
💰 Marriage 💰
We always say vet vet vet. An lvm can ruin your life in more ways than one, including financially. More often nowadays I see men who don't even work and heir girlfriends/spouses support them in all areas of life. And yet they still have to pay out to these ZVM at the end of the day.
Before you get married speak to a lawyer and do your research. See if prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are to your benefit. Make sure you get a good attorney, don't settle than for less than what you would get in a divorce. Protect yourself and your assets.
Resources:
5 Ways to Protect your money without a prenup
How to financially protect yourself in a divorce
💰 Inheritance/Estate 💰
In the case of inheritance, look into how they work and how you can keep them to yourself. Don't let anyone, married or otherwise have access to it. Also maybe you want to leave an inheritance behind and don't want your spouse or otherwise to touch it. Make sure he's not the only one with access to money, always have access to the paperwork, lest he leave you with nothing.
Resources:
Protecting your Inheritance from Separation or divorce
Marital Home purchased before marriage
💰 Business 💰
How to Manage your assets alongside family life
💰 Life Insurance 💰
If you don't have Life Insurance, then get it. Here's an article on why: What women Should Know. Also start thinking about how you can protect yourself and your child(if your have one).
Resources:
Life Insurance Policies and How Payouts work
How Life Insurance works in Divorce
💰 Child Support/Spousal Support 💰
This one is serious, as men continue to become lazy and hateful of women they also start to think about making the law work for them. Protections, that were usually for women are now being taken advantage by men. If you're the sole breadwinner you could be on the hook for alimony.
While I said above 50/50 is a lie, I must also add that not only is it a lie but more often the situation is the woman is the only person working. How many relationships with lvm have you had where you worked AND you came home to take care of his ass, the kids and the home?
Protect yourselves. Never go into a relationship without having everything on lock, and if he balks at any of the things you propose then he's not the one for you.
This also applies to child support where women are made to pay child support more frequently than thought. Men have controlled the narrative and perpetuated the lie for long enough. Ladies lawyer up, look at your specific regions laws and make sure that whatever happens you are protected.
💰 Custody 💰
Before you get married, be sure you know the in's and out's of your custody rights. This will vary form country to country and region to region. If you are currently in a relationship or married then please arm yourself with knowledge, I know it's difficult and your lvm is probably putting you through the ringer and I'm so sorry.
Be aware before you have children with a man what this means, once you give birth he can legally stop you form leaving your current regional residence.
This post by u/mshourglasss on how to Guard your womb is great on why it's so important who you have children with.
Resources:
Resources:
u/SpectralCadence : How to Protect your Financial Future When Considering Marriage to a Man : Great post on thinking about how to protect yourself, including prenuptial and postnuptial agreements.
u/CuriousCatNYC777 :Man-proof your Finances or Get Destroyed : Amazing post on securing your maximum benefit when in a relationship and in life.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.
If you’re living together and renting, should the man pay the full rent?