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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
My biggest regret is having "boyfriends" in my 20s. Don't do it.
Somehow I was socialized growing up (probably in school) that having a "boyfriend" was a desirable thing. It meant you were pretty and special and someone desired you. Wanted to court you and then marry you. The thing is, that's not how men see it. Especially not these days. In their minds, having a "girlfriend" is like a video game achievement that unlocks regular, free sex and half off your rent. Ca-ching!!
When I look at the benefits I got out of having a "boyfriend" in my 20s, I could have gotten those same benefits without the disrespect and nonsense that led to regret and baggage in my 30s by instead having a roommate and some better friends for companionship and helping each other out.
What a waste of my time and distraction these useless "boyfriends" were. I wish I'd applied myself to my studies and joined a women's sports team.
Our grandmas kept many male friends and suitors (not having sex with any of them) until one made a marriage intention clear. Then they could court IF her and her family thought he would be a good choice. None of this wasting the most beautiful and carefree years of your life tied down to some dude with emotional issues and no money lol.
If there was one piece of advise I could give young women, it would be that.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.
I met a young American teacher in her 20s while travelling recently. We both had a passion for travel and had a great conversation about our adventures travelling. I told her how I had been teaching overseas in various countries and offered to connect her with career resources so she could do the same. Her eyes lit up but within a few seconds she said, “The only problem is my boyfriend wouldn’t be able to come with me.” The number of times I have heard those words just makes me want to scream. I literally hate “boyfriends” at this point.
One of my aunts asked every child in the family if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend starting at age 8. If you didn't have one by 11 or 12, she made it clear you were in need of making it a priority. She expected me to have a boyfriend when I thought boys were gross and disgusting, and even when I was a head taller than them. Not everyone had a family member quite that intense, but the messaging is still delivered to everyone, every female growing up. Having that boyfriend is necessary to your identity. If you don't want a boyfriend, you're weird and unacceptable.
We need to talk to each other about this to debunk this myth. We also need to accept that what we think is normal in our 20's is largely based on what we have been taught to think is normal. Yes, our strength and energy is deliberately pushed into serving mediocre males. We need to help support each other and younger females in learning to recognize this gaslighting and put ourselves first. We need to forgive ourselves for being victims of this and begin living our best lives starting the day we wake up to this.
Agreed!