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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Having children with an HVM is STILL hard - protect yourself against LVM at all costs!
Ladies. I’m a first time mom to a beautiful baby. I am married to my HVM husband, and let me tell you, motherhood is no joke. Knowing I wanted kids was actually a very large factor for me in choosing a partner. When I was previously dating an LVM, one of the things that pushed me to leave was seriously considering if I wanted that guy to be the father of my kids and if he could take care of them appropriately if I passed. Those tough questions forced me to come to some realizations and leave him.
Fast forward - I’m married to a HVM and have a new baby. I’m on maternity leave and will be returning to work full time. While on leave, my husband is still working full time, but also: takes half the night shift to let me sleep uninterrupted for at least 5-6 hours, cooks dinner every night and makes sure it’s ready for me even if he has other things to do in the evening (yard work at our home, vehicle maintenance), does all dishes and large scale cleaning (bathrooms), is responsible for ensuring our dogs are taken out, purchases groceries and meal plans, etc. when baby was born we had complications and I genuinely don’t think he slept for three days in preparing our guest room for my mom, picking her up from the airport, running back and forth from the hospital to take care of our dogs, me and baby, etc.
All great things. But let me tell you - having a baby is STILL HARD even with a partner who is pulling their weight. I CANNOT imagine doing this with a deadbeat partner who doesn’t help (like we read about on a certain other sub).
Ladies, having children (if you want them) is the hardest and most important decision of your life. You MUST think critically about the person you are choosing to procreate with. ASK yourself hard questions like could he raise the kids if you died, are you comfortable with him watching children alone, is he capable of managing pets/a household now, etc.
Choosing incorrectly has the potential to make your life SO MUCH harder than it needs to be. I knew nothing before actually having a baby and I’m so thankful I put even some thought into this before having kids with anyone who said they wanted them. Let this be a warning to you - the person who choose to procreate with has the ability to make your life better or an absolute nightmare in a situation that’s stressful enough as it is.
Choose wisely.
SayNad's comment:
It is a REQUIREMENT for a man to provide me with a maid, a housekeeper, and a nanny if he wants to marry me. I seriously can't raise a child unless I have help 24/7 -- my health (and frankly, personality) doesn't allow it.
Insist on having help ladies -- this is not the time to show off how "strong" and "independent" and morally "right" you are -- YOU NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.