.png)
WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
You've identified that you're a PickMe.
Congrats, one of the first steps towards being a goddess is knowing that you are part of the equation of your cyclical misery. For those in the back, I said PART OF.
You can't fully blame yourself, that's still practicing these feeble behaviors. Yes, we're here to take responsibility for our current mindset leading us to where we are right now.
However, realize that you have been surrounded by men who exhibit microaggression towards women, you have been brainwashed by other PickMe's.
But now you know the truth: You are worth SO much more than anyone ever said you were. YOU determine where you go from here. Being a woman, you have been through so much.
Think about the men who try to control our bodies, who use us to fulfill their sick fantasies, the statistics on violence. The media celebrates this and fuels this grotesque reality that we are meant to be meek, feeble and to endure abuse.
Promise to yourself "never again".
Never again will you be manipulated or abused. Never again will you quietly endure your discomfort.
Realize that AMALT (All Men Are Like That).
Thinking "Not all men" is DETRIMENTAL to your safety. "Not all men are rapists". Fine. But if I gave you a pack of gummy bears and told you one was poisoned, wouldn't you treat each of them as potentially lethal? Let them prove to you that they are "not like the other men". Do not prove to HIM that you are "not like the other girls". One of men's biggest worry is to get "divorce raped" but are they ever worried about ACTUAL RAPE? NO. So don't give them the benefit of the doubt, make them show you through ACTIONS. A HVM will have no problem with this. A scrote will act offended and immature and just not worth your time, this is because he doesn't respect you. Which brings me to...
Define your standards and warning flags.
You need to write this down. 5 is a good number to start with Comment this below if you must, I want you to be CRYSTAL clear on what you will NEVER tolerate ever again and what you will NEVER tolerate ever. For example, I will never be with a man who cheats on me. I will consider repeated arguments a huge warning flag. If I need to repeat myself more than twice about something that is clearly important to me... boy BYE. (If you choose to comment, it also helps other women identify red flags and help them define their standards as well.
BLOCK THAT SCROTE/ EX/ STALKER.
Stop being nice to him. He sucks and has zero value to you. You know he just wants to sleep with you. Block him now. You will feel so cleansed. If they try to reach out again, say that you have been really busy and focusing on yourself. They may call you a bitch for "leading them on". You can tell them to go to hell. You don't owe no one an explanation.
Read the handbook and Why Men Love B*tches by Sherry Argov
Take your time with them, it's a lot to take in. But they will equip you in the long run and there's plenty of good stuff.
Take care of yourself, starting today, starting now.
Say no to something you don't want to do. Don't pick him up, don't make him a sandwich if he doesn't deserve it. Begin breaking out of your PickMe routine. Don't adapt to his needs now because it will be "worth it in the end". Honey, it's not worth it. You deserve to be happy NOW. Another way you can practice this is to take care of your hygiene and your environment. Be proud of your appearance and your surroundings because you did it for YOUR well-being. Most PickMeishas are externally motivated, they just HAVE to get that "good job" sticker. Nothing wrong with being externally motivated, but pining for a man's approval is just pathetic. Do it to make FDS proud, do it for YOU. (this will take time, I'll make another post on it someday but try your best! We're rooting for you!)
Realize that there are high-level women out there who will support you. Maybe even on here.
We're all just trying to look out for each other, but no one can help anyone that doesn't WANT to realize their own self-destructive behavior. So if you think your situation "isn't so bad". Sorry, this wasn't the post for you.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.