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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
What value does he bring to the relationship?
How many women stand back and ask themselves this when they enter relationships? Sure, we think about it subconsciously, but when’s the last time you stopped what you’re doing and actively made a mental note of this? I believe that this question is so important, and the lack on inquiry about it, is one of the major causes of unnecessary stress and disappointment with regards to our relationships with men.
At every step of your relationship or marriage, this is a question that you need to be asking yourself. In fact, this question should ideally begin before the relationship even starts. And it’s why I’m a huge advocate for women dating multiple men at the same time. It can be stressful and exhausting, but at the end of the day, it is the only thing that brings on the rewards that you as a woman have been seeking.
You need to evaluate every guy that you’re dating on these very important qualities:
Attractiveness and fitness
Confidence and ambition
Sacrifice and generosity
Goal orientation
Kindness and responsibility
I believe that these 5 things are the ideal traits that every woman should look for in a partner. And men that fall too far off each requirement should be cut off without sex or effort reciprocation.
A man that does not pay for at least the first few dates and insists you go Dutch, is likely poor quality that does not value you or think its worth it to try and impress you. A man that does not take care of his general appearance and the importance of him being attractive to you, does not care about your preferences. The one that always seems to be in between jobs and talks like he’s still hoping to jump start a rap career at 30, does not have discernible goals and is not someone you should associate with.
And if he’s a total dick to you, then you need to dig deep into your inner bitch and ruthlessly cut him out of your life. Or worse, if he’s nice to you, but a dick to the waitress/plumber/delivery guy/(insert any service job here), then he’s likely the manipulative, 2-faced kind that will eventually cause you stress down the line.
Do not let any guy or anyone shame you for dating multiple men at once. Tbh, chances are that so is he and he is likely being hypocritical with regards to judging you for doing precisely what he’s doing. It’s neither his or anyone’s business who and who you’re dating. A lady does not kiss and tell. Tell him that it’s none of his business and that it would benefit you and his’s relationship with each other if he focused solely on the relationship that you two are building together. If he bristles or outs up too much resistance or insecurity about it, communicate good riddance and leave him on read.
As a woman that knows what value you bring, you need to ensure that the man that is joining you along the ride is on par with you and can keep up. If he’s slacking, he either needs to shape up or fall off.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.