Handbook Posts: Common Fuckboy Red Flags

WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.

Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.

THE INFAMOUS GRIN

By far the most common red flag I've found among fuckboys (and even untrustworthy pickmeishas) is the sinister grin- it may not flash you at first, but once you see that immature grin coming out, his ego flaring up or him grinning at his phone....watch out. This dim idiot finds everything amusing (simpleton), including receiving a nude whilst you just turned your back. He likes the forbidden fruit, drama, and gets a kick out of duping women to knock their esteem.

He is ALWAYS grinning at everything, like you're missing out on the joke. This will follow often immediately after he feels he has you 'hooked' ...aka slept with him, bonded through Oxytocin, and started to catch feelings. Also watch out for the chronic grin if he’s a late bloomer or fresh out of a relationship where he got dumped or ‘cheated on’ (possibly out for revenge and finds it humorous to get a rise out of women).

Ask him where he was last night and he says 'with the boys' with a big wide grin.....................RED FLAG

Extremely fast texter

You can vaguely make out he's switching between different convo's very quickly as if he's bullshitting 4 different Tinder girls on whatsapp....SIS!!! Its cos he is. Now you know why he replies so fast... (P.s this also goes for when he miraculously takes 6 hours to reply to you but replies to his 'friends' at the speed of light in front of you: DELIBERATE 'triangulation' move to make you feel insignificant and chase him pumping his ego up. DON'T fall for it- its 100% done deliberately to turn you into pickmeisha and make you insecure/ second guess yourself.)

Snappy replies

At my friends' 'yeh was good' when you're used to something more elaborate & him making more effort. He's dodging the topic cos it puts him on the spot & you've rumbled him. Think on your feet, probe a little deeper with a few specific questions relating to the alibi he throws you- does he stumble? A fuckboy will get very unnaturally coy about his whereabouts if he's lying.

Lovebombing

Seems TOO good to be true , flooding with compliments acting like he just saw jesus weeping through your pupils, too agreeable, seems too chivalrous for how attractive he is, too eager, too intense, too empathetic, too compatible. Your instincts usually flare up at this one but because you fancy him, he's riled up the hormones and you secretly want it to be wrong, you ignore your gut instinct.

Put your ego to the side and ask yourself, why there's a hint of doubt, and whether these types of men are common. Take anything within the first 3months, with a pinch of salt. Men will mirror what they think you want to hear & see in the early stages...at least until they get sex.

He's secretive

Won't ring you, says he doesn't like talking on the phone, sticks to Whatsapp voicenotes (less risky than a random call at his sidechicks), you don't have his Instagram, he's a 'low key' guy (possible, but often BS). Basically, hes avoiding you finding his social media blueprint, from which you could monitor him/find out more info.

Pics of kids on his phone

Could well be his niece, or his uncles wifes postman’s baby...but equally could mean he has a bunch of kids from his wreckless spermloading. Do not assume, try to probe when around his friends, look out for ANYTHING baby/kid related around his house. Also pay attention to random shit in his car, random hair clips, a hair brush that ain't yours. Shit like that.

Overinflated confidence

Something off about his machoism - he might have a deep voice, be 6ft2, be ripped or whatever else but there's something not quite convincing about his 'alpha act'......most likely his shit-ton of emotional baggage and insecurities he's waiting to project on you through coercive manipulative behaviours. Basically his manly mature gentleman act is a farce. Chances are he's broke/not intelligent/in debt/mommys boy. This is something to look out for when he's attractive physically, but something feels off elsewhere- usually there is a giant catch awaiting.

Watch out for ‘sob stories’ too quick

Often fuckboys will use some emotional hook like ‘briefly’ mentioning their deadbeat father or hinting at their depression or lack of money or some sob story segment - if he is mentioning this too quick stay alert ...& watch his expressions. A grin would indicate he’s full of shit.

Often fuckboys will use this as a way to get under your skin & garner sympathy to later exploit you further down the line (usually for money/a place to stay/free therapy) or they are doing it to get you to open up and reveal your weak spots to them (such as being estranged from family). As a safety precaution do not reveal weak spots /heavy stuff to men you barely know - wait to see his actions /consistency & depth first.

Controlling

Mentions exclusivity quick- but only in relation to you. If you're v attractive/get a lot of attention he will be SUPER concerned about this (insecure LVM hate competition & the idea of other men on your tail) and they will try to mate gate you/ambush you away from potential interests as early as possible for their own peace of mind as they text 18 other women without a fuck to spare.

If its too soon or he hasn't demonstrated commitment, don't fall for this trap (In 1-3 months he could be a blocked contact & you will have turned down other interests for a FALSE START). Keep your eggs in the basket, do not agree to be exclusive to HIM till exclusivity has been officially, mutually established. The trial zone is just that- a trial to see if his character stands to scrutiny. He doesn’t get to lock you down in one week whilst he plates other women.

Triangulation: purposefully makes you paranoid and jealous

Deliberately baits you, gives you ambiguous replies to straight forward questions, whilst grinning, hiding his phone in an obvious hidden manner as if he wants you to THINK he's getting it in like that (even though he's probably grafting his ass off or it's his gran)....generally you're getting a vibe he's tryna RUB something in your face. This is a low value insecure manchild move when he blatantly wants you to see his other interests- he wants to appear in-demand & make you jealous (otherwise- wouldn't he be smarter to hide it?).

Look out for the 'hidden contacts list' notification flaring up on Android users and be vigilant towards the emoticons next to a name. Fuckboys will do this sometimes when they want to be cowards/ kick you off the roster too- make it obvious they're up to no good, so you will blow up and cut them off. As in they know you're not going to bite the bait and play pickmiesha to appease them, which doesn't stroke their ego and thus bores them, losing their interest. Easier than them being a man & gives their fragile ego a boost🤷🏻‍♀️.

This will particularly be the case if he realizes you aren't a fun feminist, and that you're not the submissive or naive kind going to play his games OR chase after his bullshit. Self respect and standards = no fun for fuckboys. Please look up 'triangulation' to get a better idea of how men deliberately use this to artificially inflate their value/ make you feel jealous and insecure.

Unreliable: Blows hot and cold

Classic fuckboy tactic but effective, aimed to disorientate you, make you second guess yourself (worth/boundaries/replies/attractiveness) and get you on your tippy toes tryna claw back his attention (elevating him in terms of power dynamics). This is a crucial point where he will swing the dynamic in his favour if not careful. Do not let him take you for a ride on the emotional rollercoaster 🤡. Do not respond with pickmeisha behaviour getting hysterical asking why he’s gone cold & rude- his ego feeds off these reactions.

A high value man will not leave you in the dark even if he has stuff going on or has to cancel plans- he will communicate & always affirm you’re wanted & will tell you if he needs some space/wants to call it off. The hot & cold game often leaves you feeling like you just got spat out of a hurricane on the highway: 'how did I get here?' 'was that real?'.

Hot n cold is a sign you need to DIP! With high value men- consistency & communication is key because they don’t want you to feel any doubt that could lead to them losing you. With fuckboys it’s about carrot dangling, guesswork & control- because they're too immature and insecure to put their feelings on the line like that. LVM are about pulling your strings & watching the pickmeisha dance.

Lovebombing you, putting you on a pedestal then withdrawing & acting rude/distant is a deliberate fuckboy assault course to keep you off balance & pining after his attention. Don’t run down the rabbit hole! Curiosity killed the cat. You wouldn't be psycho-analysing the situation if he convinced you he was a HVM seeking a relationship.

Don't take it personal, these men have no intention to settle down, are scared of intimacy and often insecure/immature...they are not your 'one' or anyone's 'one' because that's not what they are looking for at that stage.

You cannot force them into the relationship box if the signs aren’t there & they are unwilling to play ball. We can’t keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept & sis why TRY! The average LVM will back out, even if he has started to get feelings , because the LVM sees vulnerability as weakness and is not man enough to make himself vulnerable.

This is not always a reflection of you not being attractive /good enough to them. Sometimes they just don't want to settle down at ALL whether dream girl is in front of them or not. Also, if they perceive you as higher value, as in a no BS woman with high standards and they don't feel they match up career/maturity/looks wise, that is going to deflate them, they will get cold feet because you're too much work and they see you as high maintenance.

They know you have too many options and too much going for you, for you to put up with their bullshit longterm- hence why they withdraw. LVM are looking for easy prey, if you're not that prey- he will lose interest in pursuing you....so don't take offence and see it as the trash taking itself out.

They won’t want to keep up their performance that long knowing they are beneath you deep down. He may well actually like you a bit, but not feel secure, and that you'll wise up& do better because he knows you can. They prefer naive docile women, the pick me's who pay for dates and have lower self esteem/weaker boundaries.

They are easier to groom long term, they will pump his ego as he slums at his moms whilst giving him sex & emotional labour for crumbs & possible STI's in return. The minute you assert yourself and he sees a strong woman with self respect, confidence and street smarts come out, his sexual interest will nose dive.

You have exposed the utter fragility underneath his fuckboy persona and he cannot conquer your esteem as he wishes...therefore he will search for the next victim to get his supply with less difficulty. This ‘man’ wants drama, sex and validation, nothing more. He is low quality. Delete/block and don't look back. RIP off the band aid before you get invested!

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