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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
I notice there are often posts asking for guidance on getting over heartbreak. I’m sharing some tips below that may be helpful. I hope it’s useful to some of you. Some of the information I am listing is a bit new-agey ,so if you don’t vibe with that, skip over it. Take what resonates with you, leave the rest
Sorry this is sooooo long. There’s so much to cover.
Avoid the following:
Online dating and dating in general. Like attracts like. If you are broken you will only attract someone who is broken. Heal first. When you feel emotionally stable you can start dating again
Alcohol and drugs. Not only are they unhealthy immune suppressants, they are also chemical depressants and they will lengthen your healing process. Sure, go out and have some cocktails with your girlfriends and cry in your martini, just don’t make it a habit. Don’t use it as a coping mechanism
Pain shopping. Delete him from all social media. Delete his friends. Delete all of your photos of him. Pain shopping will set you back in the healing process
Toxic people. That pickmeisha friend? Drop her. That lvm you talk to for ego kibbles, block him
Forget about upleveling for now. You need to heal first. You can’t build on a weak foundation.
Do as much of these as you can:
Make a list of the lies you believed about yourself and your relationship. Replace each lie with a truth and when a painful thought pops into your head, replace it with a truth
Pray for guidance and healing. Pray like hell. If you’re not spiritual , skip the praying and meditate on accepting light and healing
Talk to your girlfriends, your empathic friends who give you comfort. If you don’t have close friends, vent here
Remove as many triggers as possible. Change your playlist, your route home, your outfits. Anything that triggers you to think of him.
Journal. Journal like your life depends on it. Get your thoughts out and onto paper. It’s cathartic
Exercise. Do Yoga. Yoga’s poses and sequences are designed to release stagnant energy and to leave you feeling grounded and centered. Find a teacher that you love and go as often as possible. If you can’t or won’t do yoga, find some other physical exercise that you like and do it as often as you can
Meditate. I teach mediation. I’m going to list two healing and centering meditation practices you can use at the end of this list
Every time you think of him say “cancel cancel” or “brain, override oxytocin”.
Find a good therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy. If you can’t afford therapy, get “The Feeling Good Handbook” by Dr David Burns and devote at least 20 minutes per day to it. You will become skilled at replacing negative thoughts about yourself with positive thoughts. This skill is particularly useful for those who grew up in toxic households
Find something you love and do it. Take classes. You’ll learn something new and you’ll meet new people who have similar interests
Do something creative. Even if you think you’re not creative. Find something to do with your hands. Go on Pinterest and find crafts. If you always wanted to learn how to paint/crochet/sew, whatever, now is the time to do it. It keeps your mind busy and creativity can be a healing experience for your heart
The Five stages of grief. Learn them. Understand that you will fluctuate and go back and forth through them. Understanding the process is beneficial to your healing
Dark chocolate. Whenever you feel depressed, have a piece of dark chocolate. It stimulates endorphins in the brain. Endorphins create pleasurable feelings and act as an anti depressant. There’s almost nothing a few pieces of dark chocolate and a hot bubble bath can’t fix
Get lots of rest. Drink plenty of water. Never lose sleep over a man. Lack of sleep accelerates the aging process. If you have trouble sleeping find a guided meditation on YouTube. There are thousands of them and they are free
Cry. A lot. Find something to induce the tears if you have to. I find videos of soldiers returning from deployment surprising their children. Gets me every time. Crying is a hugely cathartic
Laugh. A lot. Find funny videos. Hang out with your goofy friends. Laugh as hard as you can, as often as possible.
When you feel overcome by grief, remind yourself that it’s only a trigger. It will pass. Breathe, let it go. This too shall pass
Make a vision board and load it with pictures of the life that you want. Mine has a picture of my dream home, a beautiful picture of my children laughing, pictures of places I want to travel and of the car that I want, to name a few. I have it hung over my dresser and I look at it several times per day to remind myself that where I am in life isn’t permanent. Bigger and better things await
Pamper yourself. Do your nails, put sheet masks on your face or do at home facials, buy yourself something nice, take long salt baths. Epsom salt baths replace the much needed mineral, magnesium, which is highly beneficial to healing and releasing negative energy
Eat healthy and take supplements. Avoid junk food. Don’t use food as a coping mechanism
Get a vibrator. It will take the edge off and will help you if you are in danger of backsliding and texting him because you need a sexual release
Make a daily ritual and a monthly ritual. My daily ritual is morning meditation and yoga followed by coffee😊. My monthly ritual is saging my home and writing down whatever it is that I want to manifest in my life. I do this on the night of the new moon. Your rituals can be anything you want, as long as it’s healing and healthy
Take yourself out! Go to dinner, the library, shopping, coffee, whatever. Do this at least weekly. Spoil yourself. If you can’t afford to spoil yourself, find free things to do. An outdoor picnic, a hike, whatever makes you happy!
Remember this is only temporary and one day you will wake up and wonder why you were so sad over someone so unworthy of your energy. You will heal. You are worthy. You are enough. You are perfect just as you are
Keep coming to FDS. This community is full of women just like you who have gone through similar heartbreaks. There’s nothing better than being among your tribe and knowing you are not alone
Breathing and meditation practices:
This is a simple breathing exercise that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which disengages “fight or flight”. It activated the right side brain, the calming side of the brain. It’s especially helpful during times you feel panicked and triggered. Also nice to do just before bed
Left nostril breath: Sit comfortably. Head neck and chest In one line, body still. Cover your right nostril with your thumb. Take slow, smooth breaths out of only the left nostril. Do this until you feel centered and calm.
Healing meditation: Sit or lie comfortably, eyes closed. Take your awareness within. Notice where you are feeling the emotional pain in your body. Keep your awareness there, it could be one or multiple places. Experience the pain you are feeling and then imagine it to swirl in a tornado-like way. Visualize it rising up and leaving through the top of your head. Then experience the emotional pain that remains and imagine pushing it out of you with force. Now picture yourself in the most happy, peaceful place you can imagine and then imagine yourself accepting love, light and healing. Then rest and imagine yourself to remain glowing in that light
This guide is nowhere near as comprehensive as it can be. Please feel free to add the techniques that have helped you
I wish you all peace, light, ❤️ and a speedy recovery
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