Handbook Posts: 12 Steps for Pickmes Anonymous (Forgive Yourself)

WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.

Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.

Hi ladies,

Here is my attempt at making a post for the handbook. Some people find the 12-step format helpful for addiction and other behaviors, so I decided to try adapting it to FDS:

1) We admitted we were powerless over PickMe behaviors-- that our lives had become unmanageable. We developed an unhealthy pattern of prioritizing dates' feelings over our comfort, well-being, values, and self-respect.

2) We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (Our Power may be religion, God/Goddess, a treasured virtue, personal strength, community, and/or spiritual belief.)

3) We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of [higher power] as we understood [it]. Like the Serenity Prayer, we acknowledged we cannot change others and only have control over ourselves.

4) We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were willing to view uncomfortable truths deep within our convictions. We bravely sought counsel from sisters who can empathize yet reject our excuses.

5) We admitted to [higher power], to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. We admitted we asked for too little in our relationships and did not treasure ourselves. We admitted settling for a bad situationship/relationship is self-harm. We admitted our negative influence toward others when PickMe behavior occurs.

6) We were entirely ready to have [higher power] remove all these defects of character. We realized our fallible, imperfect human nature while discovering our basic human right to respect and self-love.

7) We humbly asked [higher power] to remove our shortcomings. We acknowledged our participation in these changes is mandatory.

8) We made a list of all persons we had harmed, including ourselves, with PickMe behavior. We became willing to make amends to them all.

9) We made direct amends to ourselves and such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. We forgave ourselves for our actions and allowed ourselves to cut contact with those who harm our healing process. We refused to conflate forgiveness and reconciliation. We employed boundaries with those whom we forgave/reconciled.

10) We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. We acknowledged healing requires time and effort.

11) We sought through prayer/meditation/determination to improve our conscious contact with [higher power] as we understood [it], praying only for knowledge of [its] will for us and the power to carry that out. We were willing to become the best version of ourselves. We decided to only act in ways that would ensure restful sleep at night.

12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to recovering PickMes and to practice these principles in all our affairs. We acknowledged societal injustice, our constant/unchanging self-worth, and lifted up other women.

Based on this material: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/about-aa/the-12-steps-of-aa

The handbook posts project.

Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.