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FDS is smart in teaching women to avoid "communicating" to fix some types of relationship challenges. If the fundamental problem is misogynistic disrespect, communication will not help.
However, there is one communication strategy that I suggest as a mass cultural strategy. If all women do this, it will improve the quality of all men.
When women find that a man has not met a developmental milestone or has some behavior problem, the communication response is:
Why haven't you been selected quality male friends who could have taught you this?
Who have you been hanging with? Your male friends should have explained this to you already.
By using this communication strategy, you:
Stop putting yourself in the role of teacher. You stop teaching. Period.
You affirm that he is responsible for his social-emotional development.
You make him responsible for going out and hunting for knowledge and wise advisors.
It puts collective pressure on men who want to be with women to learn from higher-quality men.
The force of this collective communication strategy would put collective pressure on men to seek out a validated "elder". A male elder is someone whose advice actually improves his relationships with high-value women.
I developed this strategy after extensive travels in Africa. I learned that in each tribe, there used to be gender training. For example, How to please your partner. How to wash yourself before and after sex. In Ghana, a man told me that when he got to a certain age, an older guy took him aside and taught him how to wash his penis after sex. This is how men learn.
It is the norm that men turn to men for their social and sexual development. Women can free themselves from the burden of "raising men" by reminding men that they are supposed to have a competent and high-quality tribe to teach them to be men. A woman cannot teach a man to be a man.
Imagine these scenarios
You catch your partner watching porn. Your response: I can't believe your guy friends haven't taught you about the dangers of porn. What kind of low-value people do you hang out with?
He wants to go 50/50. Your response: What kind of community are you from? Who are your guy friends because my guy friend would never expect that from a woman.
He doesn't have good hygiene/doesn't know how to keep a clean house. Your response: This is something you need to ask your guy friends to help you with because it is not at all sexy that I would explain something so basic to you.
This communication pattern puts social pressure on men to select better quality men as friends.
More than that, if you implement this standard early in dating, you will put pressure on him to start building his community of quality advisors.
Compliment him lavishly when he returns from his tribe having learned a skill. This confirms to him that that man was a good advisor.
Summary.
Don't teach.
Tell him that his male tribe should be high-status enough to have taught him this already.
Disapprove and send him to find an adviser.
Praise him when he implements the improved skill. This verifies for him that man is one of his "tribe elders".
Long-term social results:
A. Less emotional labor for you.
B. Men get more pressure to associate with high-quality, pro-social men.
I would just recommending ghosting, blocking, deleting, moving out. Anything you say can and will be twisted by men so the less you say, the less crap they can use to manipulate to their advantage or figure out how to be sneakier about whatever you're calling them out on (for the next poor woman they try to exploit).
If you HAVE to deal with them, like they're a coworker, sure, go ahead and use the shaming, mic-dropping brutal phrases to resort so they shut up and leave you alone. Other than that, any man you don't have to talk to, is just more labor by replying at all.
Thank you for the post! I’ve been feeling this, and your post actually reminded me of a time when I did, in fact, use a similar approach. A man I was talking to was struggling to come up with a nice date idea (“I don’t know what people do on dates nowadays”, shit like that) and so I suggested that he asked a fellow man about it, like his dad, or someone who has been on a date. I meant it in the most genuine way. If you don’t know, maybe try to gather information or seek advice? But here’s what really surprised me – when I told my friend group about this exchange, pretty much everyone looked shocked that I said what I said. Like it was something unimaginable and outrageous. To this day I’m confused and don’t understand where they are coming from. One friend said “What if somebody told you to ask your mom?” Umm, ok, I’m literally going to my mom for advice sometimes, where’s the problem? Overall, an interesting episode, I still don’t know what to make of it, maybe others have experienced something similar and have ideas 🙂
Clearly the lack of fathers and healthy masculine roles leads to this (among other factors).
It's very smart to point out the quality of male friendships, because they're toxic af and lead to very low quality ideas and behaviours.
I agree with others that we are not here in order to educate men, but if we have to, we should shame every man in their lives for not teaching them better. 🙌
I love this. Especially 50/50. But these scrotes have a way of saying that the women in their life told them it's okay.
Honestly wonder if 99% of scrotes is retarded.
Only problem is if/when they go on the internet 'seeking advice', and have no discernment, and fall into red pill land thinking this/they are now 'masculine'.