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When I was in my early thru late twenties, I saw marriage as this wonderful happy ever after end goal. Sure, 50% end in divorce but I'll be part of the 50% that is happily ever after, together forever, totally in love regardless of the struggles and SO, SO HAPPY!
I became demoralized and sad whenever some mediocre boyfriend or "good guy" lost interest or didn't want marriage with me.
Now that I'm closer to 30 than 20, I look around me and just see a bunch of pudgy, receding hairline, boring men and I think oh God, their wife surely at one point was the eager girlfriend dreaming of marriage with these men. It's almost like I didn't comprehend one day he and I would be 50+. Ladies, if you live 80-90 years that's around FORTY YEARS you'll be stuck with a crotchety old man. My managers manager is 55 and he says his cute, hot wife (I met her) always wants to go out to dinner, still travel like they did when they met and dated and got engaged. He just wants to sit at home, complain and watch Fox News. This beautiful hot woman who is his age looks to be about 42 MAXIMUM, and he's ranting non-stop about Fox news and George Soros. Or another man in my office, he's pudgy and aged and talks about "his wife".
Look I'm not trying to body shame but you're not always going to be dating this cute fit hunk of a guy you perceive your ex to be in his 20s and 30s. One day he'll be gross and possibly crotchety and you'll be stuck with him. This is why the term football widow exists. I blamed myself because my ex always wanted to watch sports all day and night. I didn't have an issue because I liked cuddling him and relaxing. But one day a couple months in, I thought OMG what if this man loved me back, and wanted to marry me? Then I'd just be stuck with him? This, every day forever? My ex already had the beginner's potbelly and bad fashion starter pack, but I looked over it because "nobody is perfect and his face is nice to look at, right?"
I know that women can let themselves go physically as well, but I just see so many unappealing men between ages 34 and 90 nowadays, I'm like ew gross your wife has to put up with his? Pudge hanging over your belt, sun damaged face with receding hair? Boring and lazy personality?
Why was I viewing marriage as the end goal? Only some men keep in shape and only some men are interesting. He doesn't need to be an academic but an upbeat personality and adventures spirit goes a really long way.
You saw marriage as the end goal because you were conditioned to. We ALL were. Patriarchy has conditioned/brainwashed women into believing that serving men in a marriage is the best thing a woman can achieve. It's not. It's the worst thing imo. Marriage is slavery for most women. Sure some are truly happy, but those are the exceptions, not the rule.
I see some men under 30 start to age badly.
I think too many people don't take the time to really think about what they want out of life and what will make them happy - and I like that FDS encourages us to do that.
If your goal is to be married, and look hot on one day with a hot person standing next to you, that's not actually a hard goal. But I don't think if people really sat down and thought about it that would be their real goal. Their goal would be to have a partner to "do life" and raise kids with, have a companion they can count on, a fulfilling and safe sex life, things like that. If you're heterosexual and especially if you want kids that usually involves getting married, but those are different and much harder goals, and the best strategy to get them is way different than the best strategy to just end up married.
Kinda tangent - I'm also in my late 20s and over the last 5 years or so I've definitely noticed my sense of self develop a lot. Much more like the "immovable" idea from one of the old reddit posts. Hard to explain, but it's like: I am me, and I have goals for me. And other people, pursuits, etc may come in and out of my life as I work on my own goals. But even the goals that necessarily involve other humans just feel much more "for me". It's a cool feeling. I think the "end of the fairytale marriage" idea is very against that feeling, since somewhere in that idea always seems to be the vibe of "now you're done being you, now you're Married You". Like somehow being married is bigger than you, which it really shouldn't be.
Marriage with HVM =beneficial
Marriage with LVM = not beneficial at best and torture at worst
I think that's all there is to it.
*deep sigh* marriage is the starting point, not an end goal to legally integrate people into a family unit