Using The "Bro Code Method" to Support Women

One of the recent FDS podcasts had a line at the end about supporting other women the way men support each other (Double Standards Against Men That Are Completely Justified,” starting at 51:50), and considering I just earned the “trollol” badge for not being a believable enough stalking victim this seemed like the perfect time to turn the outline I started two months ago into an actual post. You know, before I get banned I guess. One of the hosts (I can’t tell who) says, “In every conflict ever I take the woman’s side no matter what and actually it’s made me a better leader… [E]ven amongst other women, when a woman steps out of line she’s instantly canceled, but they don’t usually have the same energy for men and I do think that one of the strongest pillars of the patriarchy is the lack of female solidarity and this whole idea that a woman has to be perfect. Even though you know that level of perfection is absolutely never achieved… but this idea that a woman has to be perfect before she’s even worthy of a scrap of sympathy is just bollocks. When it comes to men they don’t have to like or care about the guy they’re defending before they defend him.” This is an issue close to my heart and something I’ve been working on for over a decade. I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at it too, so I’d like to share some of the techniques and strategies I’ve learned with you. I could honestly write a whole book on it at this point so for this post I will focus solely on its foundation. Believe women. Most of you here are probably feminists, radfem even, and you’re thinking, “I do this already.” I’m here to tell you how to take that to “bro code” level of believing women. Most of us simply interpret this to mean “don’t automatically assume she’s unreliable or a liar.” I’m saying you should accept every statement at face value. Assume she has all relevant and even excessive expertise/experience to back up her claim. Assume she has only pure intent by sharing any information she chooses. Don’t try to pick apart her motivations or look for signs of manipulation either. Even if you catch a woman in a lie I challenge you to support her. We’re so brainwashed into questioning everything women say and do that this might seem like an extreme request but it is the foundation of the “bro code,” and you can’t really support women the way men support each other if you don’t master this. Just think of the extremely depraved shit men defend each other against just for a minute. So many of us have witnessed first hand a man’s stratospheric career trajectory begin when he is accurately accused of rape in college and his friends, family, and even faculty flock to his defense building alibis, plausible deniability, and slandering his victim. They even help launch his career by making valuable introductions, helping him transfer to somewhere where his crimes are unknown, and sometimes even hiring him themselves. Honestly, what are the chances you’ll cause harm anywhere near the level that men do if you just believe another woman and support her claims? If it’s not “giving a rapist free reign” levels of harm I think you’ll be fine if you ignore the urge to question a woman on every slight exaggeration or questionable claim. Girls are raised to believe that they are inherently incompetent. This isn’t just intended to be internalized misogyny, it’s also used to triangulate hard working and intelligent women against other qualified women. Women’s accomplishments and intelligence are constantly ignored, dismissed, and downplayed. I’m sure the observant among us have noticed the satisfied smirk on men’s faces as they watch other women do the hard work of silencing women for them. Deny them the satisfaction of watching you uphold the patriarchy for them. Give women the satisfaction of demonstrating their expertise. Learn “active listening” techniques and use them when you encounter one of these talented and knowledgeable women. I promise, you will see her light up and become animated at the opportunity. You’ll probably also see at least one scrote deflate every time you give a woman room to speak. Bonus points if you can call out scrotes for interrupting smart women, and double points when you point out that scrotes are just repeating what the smart lady said and they’re stealing her hard work and credit. Women are more educated than men on average. We get better grades starting in elementary school and now make up the majority of college graduates, so there’s no reason to assume any random woman knows less than any random man. Listen to her. Another pillar of anti-female programming every woman experiences growing up is to assume that not only are women too dumb or uneducated to know what they are talking about, but they’re also “naturally” more duplicitous and manipulative than men. On the rare occasion that we do believe women, we are taught to also believe that they’re twisting the story to manipulate others towards a specific outcome. Even though we all know that this is just a typical scrote tactic to sow discord among women, it works all too well. It’s been repeatedly proven that women are more altruistic than men. A study on the efficacy of direct aid action (giving away cash) found that when the money was given to men it essentially disappeared as men spent it on alcohol and satisfying immediate urges. When money was given to women they used it to buy necessities for their whole family, and when there was money left over after that they used the remainder to make lasting improvements or investments (like improving their homes and buying livestock). When women have an abundance of resources (and knowledge is a resource) they share it to the benefit of others. This extends to power as well; when women have power they tend to behave cooperatively while men continue to behave competitively and vindictively, yet again proving the old adage, “male accusations are secret confessions.” So when a woman gives you information you can safely discard the possibility that she is trying to harm you somehow. Let’s say for the sake of argument that you have actually met a woman in the wild who is almost certainly lying, or trying to trick you. Then you should just throw this all away and expose her right? Well hold up there. What we all know about women's nature at this point should inform our decision here. It’s nearly impossible that she’s trying to rape and murder you. The most reasonable assumption is that she’s trying to make money off of you somehow. You’re already onto her, so she can’t scam you, but it’s far more likely that she’s working an honest job and is simply being less than ethical in her sales pitch just trying to feed her family or scrape together enough money to get by. So what’s the harm here, really? If you don’t want what she’s selling just don’t buy it. You’re not likely to help anyone by throwing her under the bus (with the exception of MLMs, but that’s another post), and in fact you could be directly harming her AND everyone who depends on her. Let’s say this isn’t the case either and she’s just making stuff up because it’s apparently just fun for her, you can tear into her then right? Why, though? Honestly, even if she’s committing a crime are you really going to tip the cosmic scales of justice by ruining the life of one petty criminal? If your inaction doesn’t make you liable or complicit in some way I highly recommend you just pretend you don’t notice. Statistically most female criminals are also lifelong abuse survivors so there’s no real justice in tearing her down, but if you are committed to using the “bro code” method to support women you should be cheering her on if not providing her an alibi, especially if she’s screwing over a dude. If you see a woman whose expertise, experience, memories, credibility, intent, or whatever being called into question by a man/men SAY SOMETHING! A safe bet is”Don’t you know who she is?! She’s an expert in her field!” and she probably is. It’s incredibly likely that she’s overqualified to be lecturing everyone present. Giving backup to any random woman you meet isn’t likely to ever be a real gamble, you’re practically guaranteed to be on the right side of whatever issue is being discussed. If the situation seems sketchy, giving her unearned backup could very well save her from a lot of pain, possibly even her life, but even if you can only muster up enough courage to save her dignity you should do that. This has got to be the lowest risk, highest reward scenario in all of feminism.