Stop basing your perception of irl men off the ones you read about in romance novels!

This narrative is almost entirely false.

There ARE men like this out there.

I'll start by saying that I write romance novels under a pen name and have also explored reading almost every popular genre of romance at this point. Many of the characters I've written have been from experiences I've had.

But I've discovered a consensus across the board.

The most popular male archetypes all have the tall, strong, protective, provider qualities we love. They tend to be hella loyal "he hates everyone else but her" types, or protective "hurt her and die" types.

Novels are fantasy and so naturally these traits are going to be exaggerated, but the most beautiful thing about it (as one of the few remaining women-dominated realms) is that we can still clearly see what women desire in men. And there ARE men exactly like this! Generous. Chivalrous. Loyal.

As a fun fact, many of the women who pay attention to what they like and allow their "book boyfriends" to shape their standards are actually able to find men like this IRL! Because the books remind you not to settle for less. They remind you of what you want feel.

I know more women who are avid readers and writers who wind up with loving provider partners, which makes it possible for her to fully enjoy her passion without the added financial burden. I mean some of these women have whole private libraries and comfy reading nooks for themselves in their homes, built by their husbands, who also take them book shopping etc...🥹

All this to say. DISCERNMENT is key.

Don't let wounded/limiting narratives get in the way of allowing yourself to want what you want, or let anyone convince you these are "unrealistic" expectations of men.

The good ones are out there. And you can fall in love an infinite number of times and ways through books until you find him.

💕

I agree with your title that women should be objective when determining the value of men irl. But...

-----"pages of words written by other women and/or grifting male authors trying to milk your pockets for every penny you're worth."-----

The same can be said about the fiction genre as a whole lmao. Heck, many non fiction books were written by grifters.

-----"Seriously tho, the men you're pining after do. Not. Exist."-----

So what if they don't? Salty incels have been trying to standard-shame us by saying that, why are you spouting their talking points?

Plenty of women on FDS have sky high standards unattainable by men, romance novels or not. And it's a good thing. We're entitled to our own standards, whether the men exist or not does not matter. We should adopt the mentality of "Go big or go home" anyway. Either be with a man that fulfill your requirements or stay happily single, because the other option would be to settle with a parasitic scrote that drains the life out of you.

As Cinnawomon expressed in her comment, women can use romance novels to explore the kinds of men they like and want to have in their life, and thus, raising the bar. Risk free.

Ugh! This is so frustratingly true! As a writer it's agonizing to write men because of how emotionally detached from everything they really are. I'll try to write a guy who's deep, motivated by love and a sense of protection, then I'm like....UGH men arent really like this!!!

I respectfully disagree. These men exist. They are like finding needles in a haystack but they do exist. And fictional HVM help women to not lower their standards. If women as a collective accepted nothing less, everyday men would be forced to step it up.

Conversely, fictional HVM can inspire you to find real life HVM. It helps to practice and reinforce green flags/HV qualities in a man.

But yes there’s a point where it can become counterproductive and hold you back from finding a real HVM (e.g. living too much in a fantasy world rather than in reality).

Edit: not sure why my comment got downvoted so much when this was the actual answer years ago on the subreddit.

The men from wattpad are real when you level up.

^^^ This, but I WOULD like to add, if you remove a man's options to cheat, line up the hoops for him to jump through, and basically train him like an animal, he can ACT like men in romance novels. It's not good ENOUGH, but for some women who want to put in the work to marry a dude, it's kind of like those pillows shaped like a man's arm that you put around you. Not the real thing, but still comforting. You just have to do a LOT of work to MAKE them behave, and for a lot of women, it's not worth it.

Don't settle because men aren't like this naturally, but still use this as your standards.