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Romance is the epitome of the phrase "women project their best qualities onto men while men project their worst qualities onto women"
Seriously tho, the men you're pining after do. Not. Exist. Not outside the pages of words written by other women and/or grifting male authors trying to milk your pockets for every penny you're worth.
This narrative is almost entirely false.
There ARE men like this out there.
I'll start by saying that I write romance novels under a pen name and have also explored reading almost every popular genre of romance at this point. Many of the characters I've written have been from experiences I've had.
But I've discovered a consensus across the board.
The most popular male archetypes all have the tall, strong, protective, provider qualities we love. They tend to be hella loyal "he hates everyone else but her" types, or protective "hurt her and die" types.
Novels are fantasy and so naturally these traits are going to be exaggerated, but the most beautiful thing about it (as one of the few remaining women-dominated realms) is that we can still clearly see what women desire in men. And there ARE men exactly like this! Generous. Chivalrous. Loyal.
As a fun fact, many of the women who pay attention to what they like and allow their "book boyfriends" to shape their standards are actually able to find men like this IRL! Because the books remind you not to settle for less. They remind you of what you want feel.
I know more women who are avid readers and writers who wind up with loving provider partners, which makes it possible for her to fully enjoy her passion without the added financial burden. I mean some of these women have whole private libraries and comfy reading nooks for themselves in their homes, built by their husbands, who also take them book shopping etc...🥹
All this to say. DISCERNMENT is key.
Don't let wounded/limiting narratives get in the way of allowing yourself to want what you want, or let anyone convince you these are "unrealistic" expectations of men.
The good ones are out there. And you can fall in love an infinite number of times and ways through books until you find him.
💕