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Look, I love kids. I thought this meant I wanted them. After getting dogged out by my ex, and remembering he said his best friend dumped his high school sweetheart wife, mother of two littles, because it "just felt like friends" , I did more research. Of course a woman with two toddlers doing 100% of the childcare is exhausted or possibly haggard, not the fun and sexy carefree women you dated in the beginning. This guy went on a European vacation too, leaving her at home and dumping her when he got back. Men will literally ruin your life when you thought you had a fairy tale ending.
I used to think because I like kids, and kids like me, it meant I wanted kids. Especially when I fall in love with a man who seems like a good man, I can totally envision a Happy family full of Kodak moments. I realized the day to day of children is NOT Kodak moments. The child can also have a disability, mentally or physically, or be a delinquent. Divorce really hurts kids too even if it was the best decision for the family. I have divorced parents, my dad is on his third wife.
I didn't want kids when I was 21, but I thought it was because I had a bad childhood. After healing my childhood wounds, I got baby fever. But then I started thinking more critically and realized it's okay to not want kids even if you don't have any active childhood trauma.
Literally every single day multiple times a day, I think to myself I'm so f****** glad I don't have kids. I can do what I want, when I want, I can get plenty of sleep and exercise and have peace and quiet. I'm not running around like a lunatic before work trying to get kids to get dressed and go to daycare. I'm not dealing with a husband who's pissy I won't suck his dick because I'm exhausted from full-time work and full-time child care. Even if I had a fantastic husband who really pulled his weight, I still don't want the lack of freedom that children put on you for 20 years. Financially, emotionally.
I'm certain any parent can say the love of their child and the good moments make all the bad moments and the stress worth it. But I already know I'm a miserable f****** person when I'm sleep deprived. I want to travel, retire comfortably, I don't want mentally ill kids. I just want to enjoy a peaceful life. I could not mentally handle if anything ever happened to the child.
I have not started dating again since I realized I was child free. In fact when my ex dumped me 3 months ago, I was actively in a weird semi religious phase when we met and dated. I was so baby crazy. Honestly him being so selfish in terms of refusing to wear condoms and dumping me via text message made me reevaluate my whole life. Why wasn't I being selfish? Why was I just throwing myself at this man? He pursued me of course but still, I just handed myself over on a silver platter and for what?
I had a serious case of the Kodaks, and I thought being married with children was a ticket to happiness and love. I want to get plenty of sleep, have plenty of sex with my future husband, even getting married seems like pointless nowadays because now you're legally bound to a man and God knows if he's going to be good to you for the next 60 f****** years. If you don't have children, what's the point of getting married? My Dad's cousin is in a long-term relationship, she's child-free and they've been together 10 years. He now wants to become engaged, but she was otherwise just happy living in her house with a beautiful screened in porch by the beach. She seems like the happiest person I know. And her nest egg for retirement is huge because she began contributing at 25 and never stopped.
I stayed up late on the breaking mom subreddit the other night. I guess it's nice to imagine a best case scenario, but I had been neglecting the fact that guys who marry you and get you pregnant will still be LVM and dog you out. But now you're trapped with them, and some of them don't let their guard down until you're pregnant
Barf, after I got my IUD I feel finally free to breathe a sigh of relief. I don't fucking want kids. I was only thinking of Kodak moments with perfectly healthy well adjusted children in a happy family that will never split apart and that's just not the reality. Even if it was the reality, I'd still be exhausted and my life would revolve around cooking and cleaning for children, not traveling and sleeping in and having sex with my husband whenever I want.
“The Kodaks” 🤣
also don’t forget: when you have kids, they get sick, then you (the woman) have to nurse them, then you get sick, then you have to take off from work…and hopefully you have enough PTO…oh, and then your husband gets sick and—guess what!—it’s the Man Flu and you get to take care of him too.
sounds worth it. /s
I don't like kids in general simply because most of them come from parents who aren't bothered to raise them properly.
I would have wanted children in a non patriarchal world, and in a perfectly healthy body. Since I don't live in that world and in that body, I don't regret being childless. I do wish I could adopt as a single woman, but it's not allowed in my country.
Girl, I'm exhausted just sitting here taking a break from work, and I only run a household of one. I can't imagine overseeing kids and a husband who doesn't parent. I don't have the executive function.