No amount of male validation will ever fill the emptiness you feel no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it does, nor will it come close to being as fulfilling as finally learning genuine self-love and self-acceptance. Male approval is worthless.
And to add to that, with this mind you're taking an L any time you choose to appeal to men over that of women.
I used to be really into video gaming and the number of times some Cat-eared GiRL gAmEr jumped into a discussion about female character design, demographics or representation on the development side with a "I'm a girl and I am ok with this! tee hee" drabble really pissed me off.
Only broke men complain about gold diggers. Also, when men become wealthy, they tend to “upgrade” their partner and pursue those “gold diggers”.The woman who stuck it out with them gets left because the man looks down on her for being in that situation with him to begin with. So you don't win anything for "holding him down" or being a "ride or die".
Ah yes, empathy… one thinks everybody suffers and feels like us. The sooner you learn to shield yourself and have empathy only for the women and men who truly deserve it, the better.
Stop making yourself so available. Replying to his text can wait until after you finish your assignment. Reschedule his short notice date to a time that works best for you. You have work in the morning so no you can't talk on the phone all night. And so on.
Otherwise; you look desperate, have no life, and lack boundaries. Never put your life and yourself on hold for others, especially men. If the roles were reversed he'll put himself first every time.
If a man makes you feel confused and uncertain, detach. If a man is inconsistent or hot and cold, run away. Do not idealize men. Do not turn men into daydreams and fantasies. If actions do not match words, drop him. If you are starting to obsess over him, it's most likely because he is doing confusing things. Take it as a sign to leave. Intensity does not equal love.
Men ain’t sh*t. Stop acting like a fool over men. Stop giving men money, presents, stop babying them (they are not children), letting them go into your home, letting them eat your food, letting them borrow your car, letting them ruin your credit and rental history, letting them talk smack about you to friends & family, letting them have unprotected sex, letting them get you pregnant before marriage… Stop getting off on the drama men can cause. Stop making your bad relationship your whole personality. If you don’t want men to treat you like trash then stop behaving like trash and show some respect for yourself and your worth.
If you had a daughter would you let a man treat her the way you let men treat you? If your best friend was being treated the way your man treats you, would you tell her to dump him and that she deserves better?
55
Unknown member
Dec 30, 2022
Being nice to people will result in them walking all over you.
You’re not “growing with him” - you’re raising him. Once he thinks he’s “leveled up,” he will leave you with nothing to show for the time and energy you spent on him. “Love” does nothing for you but take.
Men perceive themselves as the main character (hero) in their stories and perceive women as supporting characters. So if you’ve ever wondered why you feel irrelevant in a relationship that’s part of it.
That makes total sense.. I naturally like to do nice things like that for people. It's like if I had a bf over and I cook for myself I would make enough for both of us cos it would be rude to eat in front of him... I think.? It's hard to retrain my brain not to give so much and to put myself first
I think it's fine if he's over to cook for both of y'all. But I think he should be offering to clean up if you cook. I think doing things like packing his lunch everyday would be over the top and not a good idea
Right. I LOVE to cook, and I actually think cooking as a couple is a wonderful way to bond / cute date night idea. And I think it shows a touch of your own value to a potential partner. That's different than cooking FOR them, aka letting them get comfortable with the expectation that they come home to a meal regularly and without effort.
As with a lot of things, use your discretion and in context with their other behaviors.
The obvious ones: Don't make the first moves; don't go to his house as a "date;" don't act like you have unlimited availability; don't have sex or sex-adjacent activities without a commitment; have a rotation of men you date "lightly" and don't get heavy with any one of them until you've vetted rigorously and long-term; learn to recognize the signs of pornsickness and make that an uncrossable barrier; don't do anything you aren't comfortable with; don't wash his dishes or pick up things for him from the store; etc.
Never give a man a second chance to reject you.
Stop giving men so much space in your head.
Do things by yourself; things that involve no one else.
Learn math. If you think you don't like it or aren't good at it, wait a year and try again.
Learn a musical instrument. Practice it every damn day. Fall in love with it.
If you catch limerence for a guy, make a list of everything awful about him and read it as often as you need to.
Get off OLD and limit your social media. No thirsty selfies. No selfies at all, maybe.
When you get together with girlfriends, make a pact and stick to it -- no talking about the men. If you can't do it 100%, then set a timer. Talk about books or yarn or dogs or history or travel or anything that interests you.
Avoid pick-me friends. If that's the only kind you have, make new friends.
@Kitty Definitely that was me adding my personal experience there! :) My reason (such as it is!) for adding that was (a) because girls are often given a message overtly or covertly that math is not something they can be good at. I know this isn't the case across the board, but I was much more encouraged to thrive in English and other non-math subjects. I made it through two years of high school math (I liked algebra and adored geometry) but as soon as I went into the third year -- algebra II and trigonometry -- I struggled and floundered and eventually scraped a D grade (barely), mostly via rote memorization but not understanding or retaining it in any meaningful way. That's the same way I passed chemistry, actually. Anyway, I came from a family of people strong on STEM (we didn't call it that then) but in that generation it was mostly for the boys -- I didn't discover my mother's love of math until I was an adult; she had instead studied English literature etc. -- and I don't want to blame my family for what was a me-problem -- my lack of drive and motivation -- but I wish I'd been more pumped up about math/science back then. Not to the exclusion of the other subjects that I love -- but in addition to them. My second reason is (b) as an adult, and during a non-STEM career that I love, I suddenly realized that I actually ALSO love math! It was a revelation. I decided, even at my age, it wasn't too late to learn the higher mathematics, but I had to take several steps back and get a good running start. I went to free or inexpensive online sources -- I have heard that Khan is good; I actually use Udemy and hit them up when they have a sale, which is like once every couple of weeks -- and went way back to "pre-algebra" because I wanted to go back to the absolute bedrock of stuff I felt sure I already knew. Surprise surprise, there have been lessons in pre-algebra on things I didn't know or had forgotten entirely about. Anywho -- one of my 2023 resolutions is to finish that course and move on to the actual mathematics. I'm pretty excited!
Look at how many wealthy, successful women get cheated on. Practically just as much as broke women. You hustling and wrecking your mind and body for him will lead to absolutely nothing. You standing by your man when he cheats on you and destroys your sense of self won't make him love you more.
Men usually settle for women who are useful to them not because they necessarily love them. And when they have more options they all of the sudden refuse to be stingy and watch their spendings to impress the next woman they want instead of need. When men talk about how lovely their wives are they describe a self sacrificing woman who works hard but ask very little in return. When I ask them what do they give back to such a woman of high caliber then all they can see is love and admit that they don’t deserve her.
There is no fairly give and fairly take in a man’s mind. its just unfairly take and unfairly give.. and at times nothing at all except for crumbs.
he will always be looking for his own 10/10. And you will not be that if you are with him with low standards.
You will probably not even be remembered if you were a stop along the way to that, or he will remember you with disgust as that pathetic and desparate woman who had low standards and who reminds him of how he had not met his goals in life yet, and how you were so gross to accept his poor treatment of you. How could he respect someone who paid all his bills and did everything for him, after all. He didn‘t feel like a real man and is going to always be ashamed of that time in his life when he was with you, the person who hurt his ego by being kind to him and providing for him. He will associate you with that horrible, broke, mooching and pathetic man he was who he is ashamed of having been. it makes him blame you and think you were the reason he could not improve as a person while he was with you. In reality, you being kind to him was just enabling his scrotery. but he won’t ever realize that because scrotes will always be scrotes.
a confusing man is not interested in you. A man interested in you will make sure you are not confused about whether he is interested or not.
Most men aren't interested in being equals to women. That's why you paying for youself, making the first move, going 50/50, proposing to him, advocating for men's issues and any other thing lib feminists want to label as "equality" is just shooting yourself in the foot.
Most men will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get what they want from you. they do not have the same moral compass as women do. Don’t make the mistake of thinking they all have empathy or a conscience just because you do. most do not see you as a person, you are the same to them as a hot pocket they will bang once It is cooled off and also they hope to move in with you so that they can quit their job and take advantage of your hard work in life. They usually want women to provide their financial security and have no interest in providing that for themselves.
HE is supposed to impress YOU. make sure he is spending more of his resources to pursue you than you are for him. That is what courting is. Your life is better without a man unless he is useful to you in some way and usually that is by providing resources. Financially or in some other concrete way. Ideally you will be spending none besides just a bit of your time when he is trying to win you over. He should be treating you as a person who is a once in a lifetime opportunity, That he does not want to mess up.
32
Unknown member
Dec 31, 2022
The attention you get on your OF doesn't mean you're important or respected. The same men paying to jerk off to you, wouldn't date you. You're seen as broken, spoiled goods, worth no more than $10-$15 a month.
29
Unknown member
Jan 02, 2023
Replying to
I have read the handbook. I was on FDS when it was still on reddit and had the auto mod message that said the sub did not support prostitution or pornography. You're off base and petty to block over this. Stop with the OF shilling. It doesn't belong here.
Unknown member
Jan 02, 2023
Replying to
OLD is a waste of a woman's time for sure, since HVM don't tend to use those sites.
But there is a large difference between being on a dating website where you are seeking a relationship and posting ordinary photos of yourself clothed, and being on a website where men pay for porn, and posting photos highlighting your asshole so men can jerk off to you. One woman is seeking a relationship, and the other woman is a prostitute, performing sexual acts for the satisfaction of men.
The fact that you are trying to say that they are both the same situation is entirely ridiculous. Women who want relationships and use OLD are not prostitutes. The other reality is, men who are worth anything will never want to date a prostitute. OnlyFans is a cancer upon society, and extremely harmful to women as a whole.
Unknown member
Jan 03, 2023
Replying to
Thank you so much for this comment. That was exactly what I was trying to get at. We have young women on this site looking for guidance. Suggesting anything akin to selling yourself sexually/using your body as a product men can buy is not something we should ever advocate here. It goes against what FDS teaches. They need to re-read the handbook.
In addition to all of the above - Just because a man is ugly / not conventionally attractive, doesn’t mean he’ll treat you better because he feels lucky to have you. In fact, he’ll most likely treat you worse and feel like because he got you, he can get other women easier, and you will pay for all the times he was rejected by women or his mommy issues.
Edit - I should add, I work primarily with disabled men and I have a patient who is not only ugly, but wheelchair-bound and can't even walk and he STILL repeatedly cheats on his wife, who's his primary caregiver. He's tried to get with just about every woman in my department, including me. I swear all men have is the audacity.
💯 Disabled men cheat on their caregiver/slave wives all the time - their audacity is bonkers. Stephen Hawking cheating on his wife and marrying his nurse comes to mind.
A man can like and even love you but still not be what you want in a partner. His feelings for you are worth very little and you don't owe him a relationship just because he has them.
I believed my ex-boyfriend when he said I was everything he wanted. Didn’t mean he was what I wanted and needed. It took me so long to realise that his feelings weren’t particularly relevant to my decision making process.
There's no such thing as a nonchalant man. He's just not that into you.
25
Unknown member
Dec 31, 2022
If tons of men are agreeing with what you are saying, you are probably wrong because, 99% of the time, men do not cosign something unless it unilaterally benefits them and disempowers YOU/women.
Verify, then trust. Keep verifying. Look through his phone - this is called ::discovery:: and ::doing your due diligence:: before investing any further in a man.
The happiest women of all are single and childfree. The least happy women of all are married stepmothers.
If you ever get engaged, take him to be quietly screened in therapy, by a female therapist who is educated about abuse and narcissism, to make sure he’s not secretly a cluster b personality-disordered lovebomber who will switch it up on you once he’s trapped you with marriage and/or all the children he’s planning on using you to create for him. (Credit to: SpiritualWhistleblower - Chanel Jasmin Clark on TikTok/Insta/YouTube/Amazon came up with this ingenious idea.)
Ugly guys aren’t a better choice. ugly guys are the cheapest too. They’ll complain about you wanting to go to jack in the box rather than stay holed up in mommy’s basement with him because he is expected to pay the $5 for your meal and he hates that. You’ll find this out later and feel repulsed at the memory of his ugly face and body touching you in exchange for the expectation of someone being nice to you.
Once you go 50/50, he will expect more (and more, and more). He will act naive when you suggest this doesn’t seem right—yes, self-proclaimed “nice guys”
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No amount of male validation will ever fill the emptiness you feel no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it does, nor will it come close to being as fulfilling as finally learning genuine self-love and self-acceptance. Male approval is worthless.
Only broke men complain about gold diggers. Also, when men become wealthy, they tend to “upgrade” their partner and pursue those “gold diggers”.The woman who stuck it out with them gets left because the man looks down on her for being in that situation with him to begin with. So you don't win anything for "holding him down" or being a "ride or die".
He doesn't like you, he likes what you can do for him
Stop making yourself so available. Replying to his text can wait until after you finish your assignment. Reschedule his short notice date to a time that works best for you. You have work in the morning so no you can't talk on the phone all night. And so on.
Otherwise; you look desperate, have no life, and lack boundaries. Never put your life and yourself on hold for others, especially men. If the roles were reversed he'll put himself first every time.
Don't participate in his weird kinks/fetishes. His kinks/fetishes will only get worse. You will never be able to sexually satisfy him.
If a man makes you feel confused and uncertain, detach. If a man is inconsistent or hot and cold, run away. Do not idealize men. Do not turn men into daydreams and fantasies. If actions do not match words, drop him. If you are starting to obsess over him, it's most likely because he is doing confusing things. Take it as a sign to leave. Intensity does not equal love.
If he wanted to, he would.
Men ain’t sh*t. Stop acting like a fool over men. Stop giving men money, presents, stop babying them (they are not children), letting them go into your home, letting them eat your food, letting them borrow your car, letting them ruin your credit and rental history, letting them talk smack about you to friends & family, letting them have unprotected sex, letting them get you pregnant before marriage… Stop getting off on the drama men can cause. Stop making your bad relationship your whole personality. If you don’t want men to treat you like trash then stop behaving like trash and show some respect for yourself and your worth.
If you had a daughter would you let a man treat her the way you let men treat you? If your best friend was being treated the way your man treats you, would you tell her to dump him and that she deserves better?
Being nice to people will result in them walking all over you.
You’re not “growing with him” - you’re raising him. Once he thinks he’s “leveled up,” he will leave you with nothing to show for the time and energy you spent on him. “Love” does nothing for you but take.
Men perceive themselves as the main character (hero) in their stories and perceive women as supporting characters. So if you’ve ever wondered why you feel irrelevant in a relationship that’s part of it.
Doing wife things on girlfriend budget does not make you marriagable materials.
The obvious ones: Don't make the first moves; don't go to his house as a "date;" don't act like you have unlimited availability; don't have sex or sex-adjacent activities without a commitment; have a rotation of men you date "lightly" and don't get heavy with any one of them until you've vetted rigorously and long-term; learn to recognize the signs of pornsickness and make that an uncrossable barrier; don't do anything you aren't comfortable with; don't wash his dishes or pick up things for him from the store; etc.
Never give a man a second chance to reject you.
Stop giving men so much space in your head.
Do things by yourself; things that involve no one else.
Learn math. If you think you don't like it or aren't good at it, wait a year and try again.
Learn a musical instrument. Practice it every damn day. Fall in love with it.
If you catch limerence for a guy, make a list of everything awful about him and read it as often as you need to.
Get off OLD and limit your social media. No thirsty selfies. No selfies at all, maybe.
When you get together with girlfriends, make a pact and stick to it -- no talking about the men. If you can't do it 100%, then set a timer. Talk about books or yarn or dogs or history or travel or anything that interests you.
Avoid pick-me friends. If that's the only kind you have, make new friends.
He will still cheat on you eventually, no matter what a “cool girl” you are.
Look at how many wealthy, successful women get cheated on. Practically just as much as broke women. You hustling and wrecking your mind and body for him will lead to absolutely nothing. You standing by your man when he cheats on you and destroys your sense of self won't make him love you more.
Wake the fuck up.
This is a hard-hitting one, but unfortunately true:
You're not a person that he likes, you're a live fleshlight. Stop sleeping with him and you'll see how quickly he stops asking to hangout.
You deserve better.
Men usually settle for women who are useful to them not because they necessarily love them. And when they have more options they all of the sudden refuse to be stingy and watch their spendings to impress the next woman they want instead of need. When men talk about how lovely their wives are they describe a self sacrificing woman who works hard but ask very little in return. When I ask them what do they give back to such a woman of high caliber then all they can see is love and admit that they don’t deserve her.
There is no fairly give and fairly take in a man’s mind. its just unfairly take and unfairly give.. and at times nothing at all except for crumbs.
he will always be looking for his own 10/10. And you will not be that if you are with him with low standards.
You will probably not even be remembered if you were a stop along the way to that, or he will remember you with disgust as that pathetic and desparate woman who had low standards and who reminds him of how he had not met his goals in life yet, and how you were so gross to accept his poor treatment of you. How could he respect someone who paid all his bills and did everything for him, after all. He didn‘t feel like a real man and is going to always be ashamed of that time in his life when he was with you, the person who hurt his ego by being kind to him and providing for him. He will associate you with that horrible, broke, mooching and pathetic man he was who he is ashamed of having been. it makes him blame you and think you were the reason he could not improve as a person while he was with you. In reality, you being kind to him was just enabling his scrotery. but he won’t ever realize that because scrotes will always be scrotes.
a confusing man is not interested in you. A man interested in you will make sure you are not confused about whether he is interested or not.
Most men aren't interested in being equals to women. That's why you paying for youself, making the first move, going 50/50, proposing to him, advocating for men's issues and any other thing lib feminists want to label as "equality" is just shooting yourself in the foot.
Stop doing things for the sole attention of men.
Most men will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get what they want from you. they do not have the same moral compass as women do. Don’t make the mistake of thinking they all have empathy or a conscience just because you do. most do not see you as a person, you are the same to them as a hot pocket they will bang once It is cooled off and also they hope to move in with you so that they can quit their job and take advantage of your hard work in life. They usually want women to provide their financial security and have no interest in providing that for themselves.
HE is supposed to impress YOU. make sure he is spending more of his resources to pursue you than you are for him. That is what courting is. Your life is better without a man unless he is useful to you in some way and usually that is by providing resources. Financially or in some other concrete way. Ideally you will be spending none besides just a bit of your time when he is trying to win you over. He should be treating you as a person who is a once in a lifetime opportunity, That he does not want to mess up.
The attention you get on your OF doesn't mean you're important or respected. The same men paying to jerk off to you, wouldn't date you. You're seen as broken, spoiled goods, worth no more than $10-$15 a month.
Men only listen to consequences not ComMuniCation
stop lowering the bar for men by accepting scraps
In addition to all of the above - Just because a man is ugly / not conventionally attractive, doesn’t mean he’ll treat you better because he feels lucky to have you. In fact, he’ll most likely treat you worse and feel like because he got you, he can get other women easier, and you will pay for all the times he was rejected by women or his mommy issues.
Edit - I should add, I work primarily with disabled men and I have a patient who is not only ugly, but wheelchair-bound and can't even walk and he STILL repeatedly cheats on his wife, who's his primary caregiver. He's tried to get with just about every woman in my department, including me. I swear all men have is the audacity.
A man can like and even love you but still not be what you want in a partner. His feelings for you are worth very little and you don't owe him a relationship just because he has them.
Don't do shit for a man.
There's no such thing as a nonchalant man. He's just not that into you.
If tons of men are agreeing with what you are saying, you are probably wrong because, 99% of the time, men do not cosign something unless it unilaterally benefits them and disempowers YOU/women.
this needs to be pinned.
Verify, then trust. Keep verifying. Look through his phone - this is called ::discovery:: and ::doing your due diligence:: before investing any further in a man.
The happiest women of all are single and childfree. The least happy women of all are married stepmothers.
If you ever get engaged, take him to be quietly screened in therapy, by a female therapist who is educated about abuse and narcissism, to make sure he’s not secretly a cluster b personality-disordered lovebomber who will switch it up on you once he’s trapped you with marriage and/or all the children he’s planning on using you to create for him. (Credit to: SpiritualWhistleblower - Chanel Jasmin Clark on TikTok/Insta/YouTube/Amazon came up with this ingenious idea.)
“The scrote you’re performing for laughs at you behind your back with his scrote friends and has bets going on how easy you’ll be.”
Men will say every lovey dovey thing under the sun to you for years, while hating you and having absolutely zero respect for you. It’s batshit.
Ugly guys aren’t a better choice. ugly guys are the cheapest too. They’ll complain about you wanting to go to jack in the box rather than stay holed up in mommy’s basement with him because he is expected to pay the $5 for your meal and he hates that. You’ll find this out later and feel repulsed at the memory of his ugly face and body touching you in exchange for the expectation of someone being nice to you.
Once you go 50/50, he will expect more (and more, and more). He will act naive when you suggest this doesn’t seem right—yes, self-proclaimed “nice guys”
"Stop doing that"
this needs to be PINNED! it's a goldmine of treasures.