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I'm sorry ladies. I feel disappointed in myself for letting my "good girl" conditioning get in the way of applying FDS. This guy showed up 30-50 pounds heavier? I can't tell how much, but let's just say his photos were very fit and he was not any more in real life... I don't think being overweight is necessarily a bad quality, I just am not attracted to men who are not fit. And you can imagine how shocked and disappointed I was... like what????
I still spent 2 hours with him and made an excuse, went home after because I didn't want to be mean. But I'm so mad at myself now because it wouldn't be mean, would it? What's actually wrong was him deceiving me with pictures of him before a major change... right? I'm sorry I'm so used to the shit advice from Reddit, I need reassurance from FDS sisters here that I'm not a shallow pos for being upset.
I need to block and delete him now, I know 😥 i'm sorry I didn't as soon as I saw how much he lied.
God. And this guy had the audacity to ask me to send him bikini pics after I went inside. (I didn't). As if he's fit or didn't lie to me completely?? At least photos (normal ones, not bikini) I sent before the date were accurate to how I appear in person.
Christ. I don't get these scrotes. There are women who are open to plus size men out there. It does no good for any one to misrepresent yourself.
I need help though on being more assertive in the future. I don't want to waste my time out of guilt any more. It shouldn't even be guilt when I didn't do any thing wrong. But I can't help the conditioning at first so I need to train that out of me.
I'm sorry I failed to apply FDS today 🥺
There is no need to apologize to us. Our time isn't being wasted. Our chances aren't being taken away by fat men. Advice that has worked for me- if I don't have the courage to get up and walk away- then I'm not mature enough to date.
Make sure when you go on dates to have plans lined up with friends or something after, so you have an excuse to leave. 2 hours is too long. Give it maximum 1 hour!!
When I dipped my feet into OLD I would arrange meets that would allow me to vet in from afar before approach. Tell him to wear a red scarf at the restaurant or some shit and I’d say I was wearing something specific that I wouldn’t put on until I made sure he looked the way I expected him to. Two times this saved me in similar situations and allowed me to not only walk away but waste his time in return.
"Christ. I don't get these scrotes. There are women who are open to plus size men out there. It does no good for any one to misrepresent yourself" He got a 2 hour date with you, didn't he? And, just maybe, if you hadn't ever heard of FDS and only ever knew about "the shit advice from Reddit" aka the dominant culture aka what 99.99999% of women are exposed to, he would have gotten more dates. He would have gotten that third date hookup because "i'm not a shallow pos, right?". Let's stop in 2023 to delude ourselves that scrotery "does no good to anyone" because it hides the one truth you really really need to internalize FDS: men BENEFIT from their actions. Maybe it's short-term benefit but they still register it as benefit and that's all you need to know to "get it".
Steve Bannon once bragged that his strategy was to simply "flood the zone with shit." That is what these men are doing. They know it, too. I'm sorry this happened to you and don't be too hard on yourself. We are fighting a battle with a lifetime of social conditioning. Fortify yourself so that next time you can get up and walk away. You could try to plan out what you will do and say, rehearsing it in advance, which might be helpful.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. It’s always difficult to overcome one’s training. I waited for 1hr for a female acquaintance who was late once. Kicked myself afterwards for not just upping and leaving. I hate the idea of someone getting away with disrespecting and using me. Next time, we’re both leaving at the first sign of bullshit!
You are allowed to have high standards, and if you men who are fit, then that's what you like! Be unapologetic about it. I am so sick of being told we need to lower our standards to accommodate douchbags who couldn't get a woman otherwise.
No need to apologise darling. You need to turn your anger outwards instead of inwards. Hard when women have been trained to internalise every crap thing that happens to them. But I promise it will get easier and easier and you will feel light and free. Every day is a new day. Don’t be so hard on yourself x
Even if he didn't catfish you, he still showed you how nasty of a creep he is when he asked you for bikini pictures. ):
30-50 lbs is a lot