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Just a little rant because I am really pissed off right now and have been holding it in for like forever (which isn’t healthy I know but I am trying to do better). Just now WHILE I AM TRYING TO STUDY FOR AN IMPORTANT math exam, I had to give my family and I’s two dogs a bath because they got all muddy after being out in the mud. Now I would had been fine with it if I wasn’t the only one out of my siblings (one younger brother, an older sister, and one older brother that has moved out) that has to do ANYTHING in the house such as taking out the garbage, making sure the floor is clean, taking out the dogs and feeding them, other chores, etc.
It seems that ever since I was little I had way more responsibilities than them and had to give up more things. Like I always had to give up my room when guests come or had to share a room with said guests (and my siblings never had to do the same). Or I had to do what my younger brother wanted because “I am his older sister” when we were little and he wanted to play with me when I was too tired to. In contrast my older sister and brother were never expected to do the same and my mom instead told me to “respect their space”.
It also seems when they want something they automatically get it (because if not they get upset and may even act out). My brothers ALWAYS got the latest games and consoles even though we were always tight on money and my older sister got whatever movies she wanted. Me? “Money is right now Circe, maybe later when I get paid”. Then when I got older and was gifted any sort of money from family (like 20 or 50 dollars) couldn’t ask for anything because “I have my own money”.
Then the most important thing that makes me so angry at my family is that I am the ONLY ONE of my siblings that has to give them my money if they need to borrow money. Now granted this isn’t a common thing and my younger brother is only 14 but it still makes me mad when my mom wants to borrow money (or my dad when we used to visit him) I have to be the one to give it up. They said they will pay me back but they NEVER did!! My mom and dad never asked my older siblings for money for anything but I am ripe for the picking for it.
And since I am now showing more negative emotions instead of hiding it anymore my family says I will have an “attitude” when I am upset or annoyed by anything. When my siblings do the same no one bats an eye. My brother was upset we didn’t get the exact snack bars we wanted? “Oh next time we will buy them!!” Me when I asked for just one pack of those keto ice cream pints? “Will this is what PRINCESS wants” in a joking way.
Yes I know I should just move out and I am planning on doing it with my friend. We are both saving up for our own place in the city, but I just wanted to let out my hurt feelings, so I am sorry this is just one big word salad whiny post.
Aww so sorry to hear this. Sounds like you’ve been scapegoated. Or maybe they’ve become entitled to your labor because you’ve always been the stress free “easy” child. Your parents should not be taking your money! Unless you mean maybe asking who has spare change for convenience items like gum, soda etc It’s also possible that because you’re the second daughter your older sister is able to pull rank, your youngest too is the “baby” and a boy so he has rank too. It really sucks. If you can, be firm, be stoic in affirming your boundaries. Don’t let yourself be provoked or triggered, although it’s easier said than done, and point out the ways you’ve been overburdened and treated unfairly. “Hey Circe can you take out the dogs?” “I’m afraid not, I have an important assignment” Don’t argue. No is a full sentence.
What would happen if you did not do any of those things? What would happen if you set a boundary and stop assuming resposibility for others? Do you feel guilty not doing it? It seems like the expectations aren't equivalent and it's absolutely reasonable to have issue with it. Family is a tricky area. Not everyone has a great relationship with their families. I have also struggled with this issue, I am the youngest, and have always been the most reasonable and least demanding, so why not get me to do everything? What helped is making space for myself and setting boundaries. They know that if they cross it, I will interact with them less, if at all. I am perfectly happy helping them in times of need. They are full grown adults and should be capable of learning on their own.
I'm that kid too. It's because I was conditioned to be compliant, obedient and docile. My abusive family unit shamed, humiliated and traumatized any trace of personality, joy or boundaries out of me. It's jarring to see how cruel and unfair their behaviour is with the benefit of distance. I don't talk to my family and it's better that way. You're in the same boat as I am and it's best to just sail far away.
I totally get you. You have the right to be angry because you are being bullied and taken advantage of. SayNad recently made a post addressing this. It is titled "How to be angry (Part 2)". It has helped me tremendously in staying firm with my boundaries.