Users leaving and the use of this new FDS platform

A moderator post!!!! <3

Come back to us!!

I'm surprised to see women on this forum defending trans people when trans people have made it clear that they despise FDS on their subreddit. 

FDS isn't always about dating advice; I have seen a few posts on here from 2022, like this one, that speak about the gender issue that is going on. 

And to the user who said, "Trans women are closer to women than redpill zombie male identified women."

I'll leave this comment here from a user from the FDS forum, whose name I can't remember but is much needed:

The women who defend trans women have been so supremely brainwashed by patriarchy and liberal feminist ideology. They truly believe they are being compassionate, but what they don't understand is that they are being compassionate to a group of people who are in competition with us, and want nothing more than to dominate us. Domination is a male characteristic, which goes to show they are not, nor could they ever be real women. It's just another way males are trying to conquer women.

I'm seeing a bunch of woman-phobic users (maybe scrotes pretending to be women) in these comments, attacking TERFS and defending the the use of female eraser terms such as "birthing people" !!!!

The womanphobia is getting strong in here...

It would be nice for a proper block function. Block a user fully, not just say unknown member, block a particular subforum.

I love this platform, I will never leave.

I really enjoy having a women only space to discuss everything, not just dating. I really appreciate all of you ladies 💓

Feels like there are men with wigs in this very comment section

I can once again offer to invite some of you to my Discord – we are a small number of FDS "deserters" who exchange ideas and thoughts. DM me if interested. We're keeping it small, private and safe though, this is not a new forum, so I'll only be able to accept users I've interacted with in the past. That was my personal answer to what went down here. I found that smaller communities are better for me overall.

This site has become a lot more pleasant and usable in the last 48 hours or so - whatever you're doing, it's working 💖

Thank you for this much-needed post! I look forward to being more active on FDS if and when it returns to its former self (what it was like on Reddit) and becomes a better place to spend my time.

Would any mod be willing to speak up about what happened to the podcast, and if it will continue or not?

Thank you. We definitely need more moderation around here! I took a long hiatus from April to November due to the influx of posts, so I really appreciate everything you are doing!!! However, I would like to note it is sad that people leaving are the reason we are finally getting more moderation, which should have happened prior. Not trying to throw shade or anything just making an observation

I love this site being off Reddit which is horrible for women.

Thanks for the new guidelines.

In regards to "arguments and users insulting one another": if someone snaps at me, I will snap back sometimes. I'm a foul-mouthed, grouchy New Yorker, and that's just my personality. I don't suffer virtue signalers, hypocrites, or fools.

I refuse to be a defenseless doormat/punching bag for bullies, especially the condescending, passive-aggressive types who cloak their insults in accusatory, mocking, controlling, concerned-for-you, or holier-than-thou language. They may not curse, but their intention is just as (perhaps even more) insulting and nasty as that of someone who curses in anger.

Policing "arguments" and "insults" on this forum will just render some users more vulnerable than others on an arbitrary/inconsistent basis. All users should be able to defend themselves from verbal attack to the extent that the attacker will be discouraged from engaging further.

For the downvoters: you don't have to like what I said, but mark my words—it's just a matter of time before people start insulting each other again (in fact, it has already happened in the short time since this post was written!). The moderators can only do so much, and users who are not allowed to defend themselves from verbal attack will not feel safe on this site. Someday, YOU may be attacked; we'll see how you react then. Will you be gracious and understanding? Chances are, you will not.

I'm an old school FDS user - contributed to the handbook. My recollection was there was initially a ban on talking about trans topics because the discussions overwhelmed similar subreddits. And somewhere along the way (while we were still on reddit) this got misinterpreted by TERFs etc and we've become a safe harbour for them. Now this feels like a TERF forum rather than a dating forum or even just a women centred forum and rapidly sliding down a right-wing rabbit hole including increasing homophobia and racism, culture war bullshitlike propaganda about what's going on in Palestine, or the weird celeb drama social media algorithms, mainstream media and incels try to confuse and overwhelm us with. People come here with agendas and take advantage of the nuance that underpins original FDS to try and push them.

It's like the infamous line about when a nazi turns up at a bar and you don't kick them out:

"And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down."

i thought about posting the content of this comment, but i don't think it's necessary.

well, i've given up dating entirely and i thought i could post/comment about it and also about other topics (the ones related to leveling up, decentering men, friendships, etc), and so i did. but apparently people only want content about dating. i guess it makes sense because of the name of the website/community.

i've stayed until now because i don't know any other female-only space where i can say what i think without backlash. but i'm starting to realize there is backlash here as well. "but there's reddit and ovarit" - reddit is one of the most misogynistic places online, and ovarit is mostly about gender critical stuff (besides, it's not actually female-only). "what about WGTOW?" - i think that would be best for me, but as far as i know it's on reddit. i'm not going to create a "solo women" space online because i already have very little time for all the things i need to do and that would be another responsibility. and honestly, the very denomination bothers me because it sounds like it's just the female version of the 'original' MGTOW when in fact the motivations are completely different.

i guess i'm going to have to say goodbye to FDS too because i'm not really into the dating part of the female strategy and therefore many users think i do not belong here. it's a shame beause i really like this space and my decision to go solo for life is a consequence of me reflecting upon my standards and refusing to lower them + realizing i'd rather spend my energy with other things. and isn't it one of the cores of FDS? yes, there's a lot of annoying spam and low effort posts here, but i just ignore them. it's the internet, so there will be a lot of unwanted content no matter where i go.

oh and just for the record, i've never called FDSers who date/want to date men pickmes (as i've seen in some comments and other posts with complaints about 'man-heting' content). i respect their decision to keep trying. but i also think FDS teachings aren't the sole cause of success. there's luck and circumstance involved. your class, race, country etc influence your chances of finding a HVM. and there's the tiny little detail about general compatibility and attraction that need to be there for a relationship to work.

the 'men-hating' posts might be a result of trauma and women feel safe enough to share their feelings here. the way i see it, women hating men is never unjustified. we always have very good reasons to resent our oppressors.

if i have to complain about something on FDS, it's the shaming of women who are still struggling with the rules and especially the ones who dare to question them. i do understand the importance of the rules and how helpful they can be, but i also think they should not be set in stone. i think it's harmful to just accept everything without question, and be called a pickme or an imposter for having different standards and priorities for dating (aka not following the rules religiously) - i've seen that happen here, i've even had users tell me to leave the forum because i didn't fully agree with the most superficial rules 100%. like, i never said people should ditch the rules, i just disagreed with some of them - the ones i think aren't that useful - and i wanted to express it and see if i was the only one to have such opinions. but that led to conflict, which made my interactions on here unpleasant and i began to simply avoid the subject since it wasn't as productive as i expected. and btw it's interesting how successful users complain about people not believing they found a HVM, but whenever i write about actual happy couples i know personally who are not "FDS approved" no one believes me either.

anyway, i've written too much already. i'm not sure whether i'll stay or not in the forum. regardless, i hope those who remain active are able to benefit from everything FDS has to offer.

Thank you for your comments. I’ll be taking them up with other mods.

Hi, Please try to make FDS great again by using tiktok, youtube or other places because even I don't really like being on the website much. I will do my share in making a tiktok account and roast a scrote and only talk about FDS.

I don't feel like staying on the site as the next year approaches, I will not leave FDS behind, It has helped me realise that Respect is the most important thing, Disrespect means the mask has slipped and I should leave. I wouldn't have had this mindset if it weren't fot the handbook.

But please realise that the FDS site is a sinking ship, On Reddit it was thriving, So many Queen sharing good stories compared to the majority of posts on this website, I've seen some cat fights here and there and I feel hurt when I see that.

I'm giving Overit a chance and im taking my FDS values with me but as I said before this site is a bird with clipped wings and it's not going anywhere, we are not a huge competition to the manosphere compared to on the days on Reddit.