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I watched the movie Mrs. Doubtfire years ago, and in brief, the movie is about a married couple who divorces, and afterwards, the wife hires a nanny (Mrs. Doubtfire) to help manage the household and raise the children.
Movie summary: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Doubtfire
A lot of us women and girls are (unfortunately) told growing up that domestic happiness is getting married to a man and having children. Seeing this movie and reflecting on Miranda’s situation honestly genuinely made me question and reflect on this case study of the social norm of “getting married to a man + having children = domestic bliss”, and think about the ideal situation for having children and your own household.
Miranda was way happier and more content after she divorced Daniel and hired a capable and reliable nanny. She had:
a fulfilling and successful career as an architect, a lovely home, and three children
a reliable, capable nanny who helped her take care of the home and raise the children, who gave her so much peace of mind
a fulfilling dating/romantic life on the side (Stuart, her old college flame who was honestly more gentlemanly and honestly quite handsome and in my opinion a much better match for Miranda, also who completely accepted and was enthusiastic about, inclusive to, and kind to her children)
Miranda had WAY more peace of mind when she had a reliable nanny/housekeeper than when she was married to Daniel, who was hugely unreliable and caused her a lot of stress. Her relationship with her children also improved, as she wasn’t constantly stressed with having to manage it all, at the workplace and at home and deal with Daniel’s antics and inability to hold down a job.
Not to mention, managing a working/business relationship with a housekeeper/nanny is much more easy that managing a relationship with a husband – with a nanny, the arrangement is simple – you just pay them, while a husband probably expects sex, doesn’t contribute to managing the household or equally to household chores, not to mention, the permanence of marriage can make you feel “stuck” in the relationship or a bad scenario (in contrast to dating where you’re free to leave easily at any time), not to mention you might also fall out of love with your husband (as Miranda does), etc.
It genuinely seems the appealing steps are:
have a good and successful career that’s fulfilling and allows you to make an income to live at the level that you desire
have children if you want them (…possibly IVF or adoption if you don’t want to have them with a man?)
hire a good/reliable nanny, pay them and treat them well (also, getting your grandparents to help out if they can – I know in some cultures grandparents are very involved in child-rearing, if my mother were retired and willing to live with me to raise my child(ren) while I work, honestly, that sounds like the best scenario) – honestly, this is probably one of the most important parts and should be done with very careful vetting
feel free to date on the side – not to mention, you’re not reliant on your dating partners for anything, so you can easily date (even multiple at the time, like FDS recommends) for fun and easily dump them if they ever disrespect, annoy, or irritate you (ie. jealous of the children? ever put them in harm’s way -> instantly over, block&delete) The child(ren) would definitely be my priority, though.
*Clarification – vetting and choose a good nanny (or several) is incredibly important here in this scenario. The nanny (or nannies) should be vetted carefully.
**Another clarification though – even though I have my own career, if I were dating, I would definitely expect my partner(s) to be financially generous – paying for dates, etc. that sort of thing.
A few extra points:
if you look in the comments sections of Youtube clips, there are a lot of bitter men blaming Miranda for everything (I mean, not unexpected from men, but still eye roll)
the nanny/housekeeper contributing so much to the household reminds me of the SATC movie (a franchise that I have mixed feelings about), where Charlotte was more worried about losing the nanny than losing her husband when she thought he was interested in the nanny
this kind of reminds me of this Reddit post, where a woman’s husband was harassing the nanny (😡) and mentioned her nanny did more for the household than her husband, that the only useful thing he provided was money https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qnv4k/my_husband_made_our_nanny_quit/
P.S. See this post on my blog! https://femcurrent2.wordpress.com/2025/04/20/mrs-doubtfire-thoughts-on-single-motherhood/
This movie is a perfect example of "if he wanted to, he would" for me.
Mrs Doubtfire is her screw-up, manchild ex-husband in disguise after all. Funny how -after years of being a useless husband and father- he is suddenly capable of doing chores, being an actual parent to his children, being an empathetic partner to his ex wife etc. etc. because she threatens to sue for sole custody and there is a new father figure in the picture (the new boyfriend). Wanna bet that he went back to being a screw-up the moment the divorce was off the table?
Miranda did the right thing when she wanted to get divorced and should have gone through with it, stayed with her new boyfriend and gotten a new nanny.