.png)
For me, it’s a special kind of ick when another woman is awful, apropos of nothing. I know it’s about something else, but it still feels terrible.
A woman was a right prick to me at a concert tonight, absolutely a minor inconvenience purposefully turned up to start a fight and play at some dominance assertion in order to impress her group. The LVM with her was egging her on, clearly turned on by that behavior, which any respectable man would find humiliating, what with the way she was making a scene and drawing so much attention to herself.
I don’t know what was going on with her but she decided on projecting it on me. Everything could have been handled quite civilly.
What is going on with women who actively look to sow discord with other women? These are people we are supposed to be working with re: challenging female oppression. But it was all so jarringly HulkSMASH aggressively masculine, it was almost like this person didn’t seem like a woman at all, but a man in a woman’s body. She didn’t feel like “one of us”, so to speak. If it adds any context, we’re on the same level of privilege from an intersectional lens- same race/able-bodiedness/age/etc…. perhaps moreso on her end, appearing to also be rather well off, and also being a foot taller.
How do you deal with it? How far do you go in chalking it up to her going through a rough time, and is there any point where you give up on certain women and ”other” them/don’t consider them one of us? Must we consider *all* women “one of us”, even if they do perpetuate the toxic masculine energy behaviors we wish to eradicate? How do we make collectively make strides when this shit is going on? By taking down patriarchy, my goal is to get AWAY from Lord of the Flies hierarchal horseshit, and yet here was a woman putting exactly that into practice.
Sorry if this is disjointed, it’s just I’ve never experienced such out-of-the-blue vitriol, outside of scenarios of severely mentally ill, low functioning, highly marginalized women who get screwed by society. This woman was certainly not that….I’m still a bit rattled.
"Must we consider *all* women “one of us”, even if they do perpetuate the toxic masculine energy behaviors we wish to eradicate?"
nope. if a pickme wants to pickme, i won't stop her. you can't change the mind of someone who doesn't want to change it themselves.
I can't give advice- I'm terrible at these games. I just don't understand why people play them! I always think of my Grandma, and how she was such a strong presence, but always graceful. Nobody would dare talk back to her. Unfortunately I just haven't mastered that skill yet. When I do stand up for myself it often comes out bitchier than I'd like it to. Anyway you so sorry you experienced that!
Yeah, I had a recent experience that was along the same lines too.... what hurts even more is when you have been trying to become friends with a woman, complimenting her and showing admiration, and then she just.... completely stomps on and disrespects you, especially in front of others (in my case she was also doing it in front of a group of men, I think she wanted their respect by putting me down). Ouch. The only thing you can do when people act like that, is accept that that's them showing you their true self, and be thankful that you now know you should stay far away from them, instead of affording them any more benefit of the doubt! But yeah, it does hurt in a special kind of way when it's another woman treating you that way.... 🤷♀️ I am sorry you had to go through that and had your concert experience ruined!
What is going on with women who actively look to sow discord with other women?
This question breaks my heart because I completely understand this all too well. There has been moments in my life where another woman wanted to take me down and the hatred, vitriol, and drama of it all was just so... uncalled for, unwarranted, and downright not needed to happen at all. But it happened and it still happens to other innocent women. There are times where it almost makes me want to say out loud, "It's almost as if women hate women way more deeply than men hate women."
And we all know how much men deeply hate us already, so just imagine. My advice is this. Be realistic. There's being pessimistic and negative, sure, but realistic is something else. Being realistic about the nature of human beings in today's society is that, while there are a few wonderful people out there that can uplift your spirits, there will be many more who are only out for themselves to seek out high places, and would shove you into a shark-infested tank to get there. Unfortunately, you will encounter plenty of those in your life.
Now if we're talking about super random situations such as yours where you encounter insane strangers, it's a matter of keeping a level of vigilance and knowing when to walk away if someone acts idiotic. Sure, in an ideal world, people would listen to you if you spoke up, but we are living in a clown world right now and it can be quite dangerous for you, a woman, to have Evil Womanly Thoughts. So just be careful. I'm sorry this happened to you.
These are the women who claim “I just get along better with guys. There’s too much drama with women.” That’s because they’re so horrible to other women, that no one wants to spend time with them anymore. And rightly so. If a woman complains about “drama” among women, she is the drama. She is the problem. You would (hopefully) ghost a man behaving in this way. It should be no different with a woman who acts like a scrote.
I’ve experienced this a few times and it’s always jarring and out of the blue because invariably I’m always minding my own business. It strikes me that there is a toxic brew of possible narcissism, vast insecurity, internalized misogyny, pickme-ism and who knows what other issues going on. Overall, my solution has been to self-advocate, be rational at first, and usually walk away from the situation. I’ve never been in a fistfight but I’ve been in a few yelling matches. Ninety nine percent of the time, standing up to bullies whether quietly or loudly is all it takes since all bullies are cowards underneath the bluster. They also pick up on my “loaded for bear” energy and my confidence. I’ve thought about this soooo much over the decades and my bottom line is, all confidence, happiness, and contentment bother these women because they don’t have that — which leads back to the void inside of narcissists or people with BPD. All verbal attacks, all reputation slandering are out of the blue with no lead up that I could ever see. About a year ago I worked at a local food bank. Still miss the work because it was physical, tiring, honest, and community-friendly. At least one of the women there brought some truly bogus claims against me and I got a write-up right before we let out for Thanksgiving. I stewed on it from Wednesday to the weekend. The most egregious “complaint” was that I made a suggestion about safety! My direct manager (who I think was just the mouthpiece) said not to talk about it. So, I texted my entire team the write up, my rebuttals, and more info. Blew everything sky high, texted “I quit” to my manager Sunday night. I figure it was either or both a warehouse manager who was polite to my face but threatened because I was competent and a leader, or another woman who is a lesbian and with whom I actually had a LOT in common with, who may have also been threatened by competence. This place sadly had a very fixed mindset and forced people to stay in their lanes. Still miss the work, don’t at all miss the people since they were all polite and kind to my face and yet this was brewing under the surface.
Some people are just unintelligent trash and there’s no talking to them. Just walk away.
Just don't engage and walk away. Don't even try to figure out crazy...you'll make yourself crazy in the process lol.