What's your opinion on changing maiden name to married one

I will never change my last name to my future husband's if I found a good man. I didn’t when I was married to my ex and neither did my mom or my sister or friends.

I really hate the fact that so many women default to taking a man's name, yet if she asked her man to do the same, he'd probably get offended and accuse her of eMAScuLatiNg him.

Personally, I legally changed my name once I left my parent's home (can't stand my father, didn't want to be tied to him) and even though I really wanted the name and am happy with the change, it was a HUGE fucking pain. It's over a year now and I still haven't changed it everywhere. No way I'm doing this again, especially not for a man. The more I think about, the more I love the idea of me and my partner having separate names; it signifies that we're two independent individuals. And if he really wants us to have the same name, he's welcome to take mine.

I don't want children, but back when I was still considering it, I was adamant that they would have my name. At the very least, it would be hyphenated with my last name first. After all, I would be the one literally creating them in my body. Most people I told thought it was so offensive though, as if a man has any right to give a child his name, especially when you consider how useless most fathers are.

I like how some Spanish cultures do, where they get one name from the father and one from the mother (though even then, it's the mother's father's name, always SO patriarchal). I think in an ideal world, it should be one name for the patrilineal line (aka the father's father's name) and one name for the matrilineal line (mother's mother's name). That way both parents are equally represented.

Another cool way would be the Icelandic tradition, where it's based on the parent's first name. Typically the father's name but in my (second) ideal world, boys would get their dad's name and girl's would get their mother's name. So a couple Eric and Eva would have sons with the name Ericson and girls with the name Evasdottir. Or again, the kids could have both names of the parents.

This got long and a bit off topic but there are so many creative ways we could be going about this, but people are so locked into patriarchal thinking that they won't even consider alternatives. Sad.

You're not alone in cringing at past behaviour. When I think back to the nonsense I let slide with some idiotic guys, I have to physically shake my head to get the thought out of my mind.

Your ex was a true scrote in that he invalidated a very good point that you made. You're right; that's exactly why women changed their last names - because they belonged to a new man: their husband.

For me personally, if I do get married, I would hyphenate my last name with my husband's. Men need to know that as a woman, your independence will be kept at all times since it's one major way to keep them on their toes and make them know that you choose them out of choice and not necessity. I would go by my maiden name in other aspects of my life like my career. I'm determined to not disappear into marriage and to retain my identity.

Apparently, it's an all-around pain in the ass, especially when you need to use past documents which has your maiden name on it. I feel as it's about time women take ownership of their last names.

Never do it.

It's a hassle to change all your documents and he's not your owner

Men don't go through this bullshit and no one expects them to. Neither should women. We already have names

Edit: why am I getting downvoted lol Everything I say here benefits women. What's wrong?

Tldr: children should always get their mother's name.

If you're not going to have kids (but still want to get married for some reason) then you should keep your own name, of course. If he wants to take your name, let him.

If you ARE going to have kids, they get your name. Women make children, women deserve to put their name on their work, and have their name in the next generation. It's only fair. For the sake of simplicity amd family unity, your husband should change his name to match you and the kids.

This is the only way. We need to resist the erasure of women's history.

I already legally changed my full name so hell no I’m not going through the process again especially for a man and especially since I chose a new last name for myself that I love.

I didn't change my last name. I used to think I might change it if I had kids, but after talking to a divorced female friend who regrets changing her name and giving her daughter he father's name, I'm thinking I'll just name baby after me and if it's really no big deal, dad can take MY name.

I recently had to get a fishing license for the first time in a long time, and when the license arrived it was in my married name. I got divorced ELEVEN YEARS AGO. I tried to change it on the website but found out I would have to go to the Wildlife Authority building downtown to change it. Such bullshit. If this affected men you'd be able to do it instantly.

My mom and I would never do that. It’s weird and normalized but clearly sexist.

I hate the idea. My story: in Sweden you can legally change your name directly according to your family-line. I did this a few years ago because I'm not close with my father and my maiden name had very little meaning or value to me. So, as per law, I took my mother's first name and added "-dotter" (daughter) to the end, to signify I am my mother's daughter. (I adore my mum!) So my name is now solely mine and reflects only my maternal line, which is much more important and valuable. I am now married and no, I will never change my name to his. I belong to no man. Not my father. Not my husband. And I don't think women should ever give up their identity for men. How is changing your last name any different from how they named the women in A Handmaid's Tale? It's exactly the same, showing you are literally owned by a man. Just no.

Changed my name to his during first marriage and when I got tired of him, the lack of sex, the lack of communication, his attempts to control me, I changed back. I was in grad school so I had barely launched my career. Just changed everything back and felt more like myself. Second marriage I kept my surname and second husband had zero issue and saw every reason to keep it. He knew that it was a huge inconvenience to change documents and it would impact how I was looked up professionally online. I am all for keeping your original family name. How a woman names children is up to her and her partner.

I get confused by women saying that they don't identify with their own (maiden) name because they don't have a good relationship with their father. And I get frustrated with women saying that they resent their name because it came from a man or belongs to a man (their father) anyway. Your name is your name. You share it with other people, including your father yes. Also including your mother, your sisters, cousins, grandmother, aunts, and others. You have as much ownership over that name as your dad has. You have as much ownership over that name as your brothers have. You never see men giving up their names because of a bad relationship with their fathers, or claiming that their name doesnt really belong to them because it's "their father's". Women deserve to claim their names too. I think that's the fundamental problem - women haven't been allowed to have our "own" names for many generations. But now that we can choose for ourselves to embody our names and assert that we're entire human beings just like men, a lot of women continue to promote the idea that our names aren't really ours. To hell with your awful dad, go forth and do great things with YOUR name that you share with your mom, sisters, and grandmother.

Maiden name: 10+ letters long, hard to pronounce/spell, came from my father’s late father who was an abusive alcoholic, and I’m no contact with my father since he aligns with my abusive mother who is harmful to me & mine. Former married name: 4+ letters long, gets tons of compliments, most recently “what a cool name, I love it.” Got married at 28 in grad school, decided to take this name because it was in every way more beneficial to my goals than my unwieldy maiden name. It is the name my kids have and love. When I divorced I kept it. It’s a strong professional name for me, and I’ll never be changing it should I ever remarry.

If I liked his name better than mine I would change it. I've never had that much connection my own surname. It's difficult and unusual. I think I want to change to my mother's maiden name because I like the alliteration, and it sounds warmer. If I do that then I would never change it for a husband.

I think we should normalize not taking the man's name if we don't want it, but we should also be careful not to look down on those who do.

It's literally a MAIDEN name. The name of an unwed girl. What a daft argument that it has nothing to do with property

I changed my last name before. I won't be doing it again. For all the reasons already discussed here, but some practical ones as well.

It was a huge fucking pain to change it when I got married, but it was also a huge fucking pain to change it back when I got divorced.

My last name immediately links me to my family and gets me past a lot of the 'Oh you're a woman you can't possibly know what you're talking about' because people around here know us and know that I've been trained in such-n-such skill/industry since I was old enough to handle tools.

And last, I'm southern. I don't want to change out all my pretty monogrammed things again.

I saw an article a while back about a new trend where straight couples combine both last names. The couples kids last name and &legal documents was "Dreslough" from "Dresser" and "Mccallough" I think. Of course that doesn't erase the fact that the "women's" name is her father's last name but it is more equal than our current system.

There was also a story that made big headlines because a male boss refused to hire a man because he took his wife s last name instead

A man who loves you won't ask you to give up your fucking name. And plenty of traditions throughout time didn't even make women do this. There were a solid 500 years in Italy where women just used their mothers first names as their last names for life, I think. Slavery practice.