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My small town was in lockdown this week because a teenage boy killed his mother and was on the loose trying to hide in the town. The police caught him after one day of hiding. His mother was well loved. Her son is of course the very image of a greasy white incel. I am not going to be surprised when his computer is found to be full of porn and misogyny. Neither am I going to be surprised he killed her after finding out he had to move out, get a job, or go to college.
I knew murders like this were on the rise before it happened, but to happen down the street from me is hard to swallow. Nowhere is safe from the increase in male violence right now. I have sons and like to research what I can do to raise them right.
“You had better be careful in your bed tonight”: shock rise in women killed by their sons
“Child to parent and grandparent violence is a gendered crime – victims are more likely to be female and the perpetrators male. The number of women killed by sons has shown a steady and alarming rise since 2016, after decades of remaining stable. The number of grandmothers killed by grandsons has also risen. While younger women are more at risk of being killed by a partner or ex-partner, it is women in their 60s and older who are risk from their older sons and grandsons.”
In “Who counts? The invisibility of mothers as victims of femicide”, published last year, 59 parricides were investigated: 34 of the victims were mothers, 25 were fathers. In the report, 77% of the mothers had mentally ill sons and many were their sons’ carers.
Abused by our grown up children: mothers open up about this little-understood form of domestic violence:
Psychology Today: What kind of son would murder his mother?
“Most perpetrators are under 30. They are single and living in the family home at the time of the crime, the place where 91 percent commit the murder. The majority were living with their parents. The most common murder weapon (33 percent) was a blunt instrument. Almost 30 percent of the matricide offenders committed suicide after the murder.“
“Three-quarters of matricides occur without any warning signs. But what about motive? Research suggests there are typically one of three scenarios when matricide occurs. One involves a chronically abusive parent, and a child who snaps. A second occurs when an untreated or undertreated mentally ill offspring responds to their psychiatric symptoms and kills. And the third is when an antisocial child kills for a predatory reason—to get insurance money, for instance.”
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So what can we learn from this so it doesn’t happen to us? The big one appears to be not to live with adult sons and not to be the main or sole caregiver for an adult son with a severe mental illness, developmental disability, or personality disorder. I would say a female family member shouldn’t be in this position, period. Unfortunately it’s very common. Men in families are seldom caregivers and dump the load on women instead of themselves or paying for institutions.
Another common denominator is “failure to launch” sons. The ones who failed school and get fired from every job they get. The worse your son is doing at life, the higher the chances of him committing violence against you. In the Psychology Today article the son failed college and his parents let him live at home unemployed for 8 YEARS afterward. The parents were discussing kicking him out and that’s when he killed his mother. With more and more men failing at life and turning to misogyny as a cope, femicides are going to continue to rise without government and social interference.
Be safe out there.
Also I get the suprised picachu face when I say out loud that I don't want sons, It's either a baby girl or no child at all. Men are the leading death cause of women, and right now it can even be your son.
A neighbor got shot because she said no to a man, Because of a small community its easy to find ppl. This is why I don't talk to men. I ignore them when I'm alone minding my business to avoid having them try to have a chat,
Men are sooo scared of being falsely accused when they give women unwanted attention but I'm afraid for being put 6 feet under ground for saying no to you.
If I ever had a child it'll be a girl. That's that. I may not have a biological child, I haven't decided, and I'm going on 35. I may adopt. But it's going to be a girl. I have anecdotal reasons from people I know.
Oh, and here's Princella on this subject:
https://www.youtube.com/live/vHyVKlilPJE?feature=share Matricide by Sons
https://www.youtube.com/live/Co91tn91dTo?feature=share Why Men Delete Themselves and Their Families
Yeah I commented on these because it's super messed up.
There were like three family annihilation events in one week here in the US in January. THREE reported - let's be real, there's probably more. We've got six years olds, fourth-graders, bringing guns to school to shoot their (female) teachers. A guy from Texas was caught in Nebraska with having killed his mother and shoving her body in his trunk. Fucking psychosis going on. I'm going to be real - I love my brother, but if he did something like this to my mom, I'd end him myself. If I have any loyalty to any human on this earth it's to my mom.
THIS! I made a post about that here ages ago, I think. Watch how your family (and your future in laws) handles caregiving for disabled or elderly relatives and don't let them or your future spouse pressure or shame you into a position like this. If your husband promised his mum to take in his grand uncle with alzheimers or his mentally disabled brother, HE is the one who should give up his career for this and do all of the care work, not you.
A lot of this grief is also caused by the lack of affordable or accessible treatment options and closed facilites and care/nursing homes so society still relies on exploiting and enslaving women who are simply expected to give up their own lifes and live in constant danger. Add to that that you are basically the devil incarnate if you dare to complain about a mentally disabled man or boy hurting or harrassing you, let alone your own son. It's "boys will be boys" and "he doesn't know any better, how can you be such a mean bitch to him" on steroids.
Facts! I’m reminded of that great 2011 Tilda Swinton horror film WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN. Heaven help you if you are the mom of a psychopath, because there are pretty much zero resources for you.
Synopsis: "Eva Khatchadourian (Tilda Swinton) is a travel writer/publisher who gives up her beloved freedom and bohemian lifestyle to have a child with her husband, Franklin (John C. Reilly). Pregnancy does not seem to agree with Eva, but what's worse, when she does give birth to a baby boy named Kevin, she can't seem to bond with him. When Kevin grows from a fussy, demanding toddler (Rocky Duer) into a sociopathic teen (Ezra Miller), Eva is forced to deal with the aftermath of her son's horrific act."
i saw an article about a guy who beat and r worded his own mother. so sick
wasn't it The Khaleesi who wanted to break the Wheel? time to find some dragons.