On the Loss of Sisterhood

First of all, I’m very sorry that this has happened. It can be overwhelming and certainly sad and disappointing because as you said, it’s shocking that fellow women mistreat each other the way men mistreat women.

Secondly; you’re not alone. I and many others have gone through this. I’ve cut off lots of female friends over the years who were jealous and competitive, negged me or outrightly insulted me, crossed my boundaries and showed blatant internalised misogyny by championing men over women. I was also shocked at how they behaved when I was nothing but a good friend to them but I quickly learnt that everyone doesn’t think like me or value what I do. I valued friendship and togetherness while they valued drama and chaos.

It’s certainly disheartening but we have to know that there are both dysfunctional men and women out there. Sisterhood is not very common; only a few women will say they have or have experienced it. Mothers compete with their own daughters, sisters compete with sisters and female friends do the same to one another. We must vet everyone; vetting isn’t only for men. When you spot red flags, cut them off. Don’t make excuses for people who aren’t doing the same for themselves and wouldn’t do it for you.

we expect more from women and therefore it is always way more disappointing. you already know you can survive the pain and every time you cut off people who aren't aligned with your values, you open up space in your life for other people who will add good things. stay strong, sister!

I don't have much in the line of advice but I can relate. When I was in my 20s, I put a lot of time and effort into maintaining my friendships. Most of those friendships fizzled out when I was in my 30s for various reasons. Some of these friends were pick mes and they pretty much ghosted me as soon as they got married. Others I had to drop because the friendship was ridiculously one-sided with me always initiating and organising get-togethers only for them to flake without a good reason. Ending some of those friendships was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I'm glad I did it. My mental health and my stress levels have improved considerably since I dropped the dead weight and it leaves me with time and energy to potentially make better friends.

With regard to your question about sisterhood, sisterhood is a great idea in theory but it's only possible with HVW who are FDS-aligned i.e. not pick mes and unfortunately there are far more pick mes in the world than there are HVW. I suppose all you can really do is try to put yourself out there in the hope of meeting HVW and also persue your own interests so that you don't get lonely while waiting to meet said HVW.

I'm so sorry about the great swaths of people who have had this despicable hand in abusing you.

You aren't alone. I give you empathy I am here for you and so is FDS. it's a reality that a lot of women are still so deeply ingrained in pickmeism even if they acted feminist or made some effort- if they're still pickmes they can and will drag you down. Pickmes hate other women more than anything and cannot stand to see another woman flourishing, so they're crabs in a bucket. They will only continue trying to manipulate and trick you back into pickme ways - and the more you're around it the more suseptible you are.

It's hard to cut them off. But unfortunately that's the only way to really heal and grow as a HV woman.

I had to leave a lot friends who I really had wanted to believe were good people, with good intentions. But i couldn't stand the pickmeism. One really hurt. We were college classmates and studied together, would get lunch, and workout together. We'd go over to each other's houses. She was like a sister to me. I was included in a lot of family stuff she had and vice versa. But then she started dating a lv scrote who told me he wished he'd met me and wanted to sleep with me. I told her as they were still dating and she didn't care. I distanced her but when I would see her she was more and more of a pickme. I'd hear only about how weird he was, and how I "needed" a boyfriend and we could double date. She pressured me. She started bragging how she pays for him, cleans up his apartment for him, drives him around, and brings him homemade food and how If if I'd "try that I'd find a man". I finally cut her off and it was for the best.

I know exactly how you feel, and it sucks. I'm sorry. It hurts to have what you thought was a solid friendship end for stupid reasons. It hurts to get stabbed in the back.

I think there are still plenty of good women out there, you just have to find them - and you have to keep examining people's behavior to make sure they are respecting you and treating you well, even if in your head they are already a close friend. Pay attention to how people act, not just how they talk.

Hang in there. With time and maybe a bit of therapy, this will not hurt so much later on. You have every right to grieve, but try not to lose hope.