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I've just got back from my sister's house after spending Christmas there and boy was it stressful! I don't know if the discussion of childfree life is FDS appropriate but goodness me, every time I see my sister and nephews my decision to be childfree is cemented even further. My sister had to leave her partner about a year ago because he was clearly a LVM. I won't go into details for fear of this post identifying me or something. But wow are most men useless around the holiday period and with their own children. My sister's ex was round hers for a bit cos she was trying to make Christmas a family occasion for my nephews but the Dad just sat there on his phone and barely interacted with his sons. My sister was getting really stressed, he didn't buy a single Christmas present or give money towards them. He's expecting leftovers from the Christmas dinner she made after he comes back from work.
A friend of mine has a sweet but LVM partner, and three children, two of which are teenage boys who live with her. She's recently had an operation and can't use one of her arms. The men of the family were panicking about who is going to cook. The boyfriend was going to go out and buy paper plates. I saw her the other week and wanted to help her so I did the pile of washing up that had been sat in the sink for weeks. I wanted to help out but it shouldn't have been me doing the washing up. The boys just sit in their room playing video games.
Today she said to me her partner was going to cook Christmas dinner and I was like Aww that's good! Secretly thinking so he bloody should. A little while later she told me she managed to cook Christmas dinner. With one arm! I was going to go round there tonight but I'm honestly exhausted. I'm exhausted of being a woman, running around doing washing up and emotional labour for children that aren't even my own!
Next Christmas I really just want to go to Spain and not bother lol. Before I dumped my boyfriend recently I was really questioning my childfree status, thinking aww maybe it'd be nice to have a family after all and have a purpose. Now I'm single and looking at all these people I know in relationships with LVM and I do not envy them at all. I'm glad to be single and childfree, as lonely as life can sometimes get, it's not worth dealing with the stress of children and lazy ass boyfriends!
Women who are considering having children please be absolutely certain who you want to procreate and raise a family with because when you have children you are stuck with them and the father so make sure he's a good one!
Merry Christmas 🎄
I knew from single digits I wanted to be married and never wanted kids. I held a tiny bit of space that mayyyybe hormones would make me change my mind in my 20s but no. Well before that, my step-sister and I visited one of her friends, another teacher who was divorced with a son who had ADHD and was unmedicated because she was super broke. Female, divorced, teacher, with a child, in the Deep South. That night, she also told her birth story… how she FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE. I was horrified. There I was, a junior in high school, and she was spinning this horrific yarn in the middle of penury and impoverishment while the son was literally bouncing off the walls. Utterly cemented my desire to stay childfree. I completely get you.
I come from a culture where women are expected to cook and clean up and female guests are supposed to help out while the men can just sit and do nothing. This is never questioned either, sometimes I want to ask the men to help with the cleaning just to see what the reaction would be.
Man, this Christmas really opened my eyes to the way women are still being expected to do everything for everybody. I tried to be a little more selfish this year with my time, money, and energy, but I still felt that gnawing of guilt in the back of my head this year. I spent a good amount of money and still felt it wasn't enough. My mom, who still has a lot of pickme tendencies, refused to let me help her with anything, and did everything herself, so that she can fall into her usual "I DO EVERYTHING" song and dance. So it's whatever.
Hearing my parents bicker resentfully about everything this year and seeing my brother who, despite around 10 years of being with his gf, still isn't married to her and has zero plans to propose to her, was acting like a little kid (seriously, in his late 20s and was hopping around like a frog) while the gf was looking at him with the most unhappiest and exhausted look on her face, really just makes me so damn happy and relieved to be single and not having to worry about a scrote at all. My sister is seeing this young chap who seems nice for the most part; he buys her a lot of things and spends money on her and cherishes her, and brought us some nice wine to enjoy with the dinner. But then I saw her TikTok video of her trying to cuddle with him and he seemed more into his phone than her, so it's like.. eh. :/
I'll take all the societal abuse of me being a single and still childfree woman if it means I am spared from all of this bullshit.
It’s annoying to be around LV men on Christmas. My uncle last year was joking about p0rn and this year he said my mom used to be hot back in the day. They’re not related, but it made me so uncomfortable. I cannot look at anyone who I considered family in that way. Also, congrats on being CF!!! I am CF too
Childfree is 100% an okay FDS topic. A lot of women here are childfree. And as a cf woman, these cf men can be even worse than the regular guys. If I was wanting a regular man I’d be happily married rn to a good, HV man. I think one of the saving graces of my generation, gen z, is that a lot of these boys can cook, clean, and manage themselves. I have very valid issues with a lot of the incel crowd, but it’s been beautiful to finally meet the HVM crowd and being let into their HVM groups because these men are such good, well-adjusted, happy people. They’re what’s giving me hope lmao. Unfortunately, I haven’t met any HVM that are childfree and most childfree women I’ve met in person and seen online are single. The only HVM that I’ve met that were childfree then changed to want kids once they found a woman they saw themselves having kids with. So. That’s been frustrating. The way we end this kind of mistreatment is by keeping standards high and not giving NV/LV men relationships and kids. They don’t deserve our time, affection, or kindness, nor our domestic, emotional, mental, emotional, and reproductive labor.
Haha, I "joked" about this with my female cousins in the last few days. It's really (not) funny how it always plays out:
When a male relative (no matter how old) enters the party he gets handed a drink and snack and gets directed to a comfy place to sit and wait for dinner but when a female relative enters the party she gets handed a serving platter or baby to watch and gets directed to a chore she needs to help out with. I bet you have all experienced it. When uncle Bob comes in it's "Here's a drink for you, uncle, it's so great to see you! Dinner will be ready soon, just have a seat over there and eat some cookies until then and call if you need something!". When you enter the party it's "Thank god, you're here, we're drowning! Here, take the baby and watch it while I take something out the the oven real quick! I think he needs a diaper change, too. And while you're on your way, can you take this drink to uncle Bob in the living room?" before you even have a chance to take off your coat.
It brings to mind this study that shows husbands stress their wives out more than their children do. I’ve seen this play out where groups of women and children gather it’s a peaceful affair where everyone shares the load and gets everything done. When men come into the picture it becomes a whole lot more labour intensive because they are just dead weights that don’t contribute to anything.
Being childfree is honestly the only way a woman can maintain her freedom.
I support this post wholeheartedly but want to add to your last point - men are not necessary to have a family! (Other than their sperm which is abundant, cheap and plentiful) If any women are considering a child and have the stability/resources, please consider IVF or single motherhood like I did.
I wasn't really into Christmas until my daughter was born but look forward to it months in advance now. It's hard work sometimes but nothing compared to expectations in horrible relationships I've been in since there are tangible rewards and fulfillment. I don't want to be one of those women pressuring anyone who has decided to be childfree but men (and a lot of single moms honestly) are giving women the worst impression of motherhood possible.
I don't spend much time with family units but my impression is that it seems unnatural to keep men around. They don't seem to want to be there anyways and just make everyone around them miserable.
So sad for the women in this story. Husbands too fucking lazy to buy her one present for Christmas. If you don’t vet them properly in the first place, they have to be trained or dumped. https://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/aussie-mums-heartbreaking-christmas-confession-really-sad-013334462.html
I just heard a male DJ on the radio saying that his weekends are usually lazy and refreshing, but this past Christmas weekend was especially lazy. He also made it sound like he spent the weekend celebrating and feasting. It's not like he spent a quiet holiday at home. Pisses me off. If his weekend was super lazy, it means that there were women in the kitchen doing all his cooking, serving, and cleaning for him. Maybe also childcare, gift wrapping, and entertaining. He should have spent a lot more time saying "I'll take care of these dishes. What needs to be done after that?"