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This is something I really struggle with. I have always been a sociable and outgoing person. I love to host parties and go out for brunch and dinner, and just have a good time. Having gone through some bad times with NVM, including those in my family, I realised that the friends around me were not my friends, and they would defend a man over me no matter what. Okay, so now I have got rid of those friends, but I'm at a loss as to what to do now since realising how much misogyny there is in the culture. So many people around me will value men over women, even unconsciously.
I understand that I have done a lot of reading and thinking about feminism because I wanted to understand my experiences and also because I have a job that allows me to work from home and have more free time. I'm also quite young (25), so again people my age have a lot of things to do rather than read about feminism.
At the same time, I miss when I was 20 and I could go to parties with a whole bunch of people and not be seeing the misogyny around me unless it was blatantly obvious. Not be disgusted by most of the men there and irritated at women acting like pick-mes (duh, I was also acting like a pick me!)
How does a feminist extrovert flourish in a culture where most people are not feminist?
I just go to events to have fun, and I try not to let others bother me with their foibles and flaws. It’s a man’s world; it’s always been. At least we live in the time where a women can provide for herself. Just think of it that way every time you encounter misogyny. Realize you could’ve been stuck with a male like that if you’d only been born 30 or more years ago—that’s all there was most times for women to look forward to. My grandmother had a torturous existence—5 children in a few years, one died at 5 months old, cheating husband, no education, no job, and no driver‘s license. She was totally trapped, and we’re not. My mother even had a hard time in the 80s and 90s to get a credit card even though she paid all of the bills; my father’s name had to be on the house, because they didn’t sell to women that often. Times have changed mostly for the better for women, unless you’re looking for the old world marriage experience. Then you might have trouble, but women have always had trouble. Women and children had to be banned from working in the mines in the UK, because so many men didn’t pay the bills. Women and children also had to be protected in early 1900s America, because they were being exploited at factories and other dangerous jobs with long hours, no pay, and not even a decent fire escape. They had to pass laws in the mid 1800s after the sinking of the SS Arctic, because men were attacking women and children and raping them as the ship was going down instead of allowing them to get into the lifeboats. This whole “Women and children first” thing had to be LEGISLATED after many terrible tragedies, because men were stronger and wouldn’t let women into the life boats. Look at what happened to the women on the SS Batavia that sank off the coast of Australia on the way to Indonesis; even the high class ladies were forced into prostitution by the men on the island. Women have been nothing more than prized chattel for centuries, but we are freer now than ever, and I enjoy my freedom from the chains of men.
It’s hard! I’m semi extroverted and most women I know are just lib fems/pick mes and I have a hard time relating to them. When we go out they act embarrassing. I’d love to have friends like that ladies on here in my real life! Maybe that’s why I do spend time on here just to have that intelligent conversation and to know the misogyny isn’t in my head!
as for seeing it everywhere, it’s hard but I’d say seeing/experiencing misogyny everywhere is just part of womanhood. It’s a mans world and we live in it.
i journal a lot to get those feelings out becausr What else can I do?!
Even the songs they listen to make me very uncomfortable. I understand a dumb narcissistic man listening to a song with the words "I'm banging that bitch's butt in the air" but when I see a woman listening to that song I'm like "what?".
And then these thoughts keep repeating in my head. "Why are you giving credit to this shitty song written for you? Why?'' And then I see that the owner of this song is getting famous and going to have fun in dubai. Making so much money with these words
I think making social events on your own terms is the key. Have fun dinner parties, brunches, museum outings, park gatherings, garden parties....no need to wade into the horrible immoral swamp that is a club scene
I go to public events all the time to use my extroversion to spread feminist propaganda (fathers, husbands need to cover down on household chores and forget about sex). It feels good, like I’m a plant to influence mainstream society.
I can relate. I'm really extroverted and loved clubbing but after really be into FDS and developing values, I just can't with it.
Focus on building up a solid friendship network, and prioritize women who prioritize women. Fast friends leave as quickly as they arrived- enjoy them for what they are but don't think they are your BFF right away- no one is