Apparently it's ableist to think women making chore lists for their men is partaking in the mental load

The thought alone of doing this makes my vagina want to shrivel up and fall off. And when I have done embarrassing shit in the past like this, they would usually complete the tasks, but my attraction to them faded so quickly if not immediately. Immediate ick. The feelings usually never came back and those relationships ended in large part due to issues like this. It's not worth it and it never changed - or, if it did, it was done in a rageful/revenge/passive aggressive way or out of guilt and then sometimes for a "reward"

or acknowledgement - but there was so much underlying bullshit and I just wanted the dishes to be done and not have to do them all the time. But no, because men.

I think it's ok to remind your partner of things from time to time, but I try hard not to do that because the minute you begin doing things (ANYTHING) for them it’s flat out a waste of everyone’s time and frankly embarrassing. They will not give a shit, they will not learn and guess who just became the forever “List Maker” and “Chore Doer” - hint hint, it’s not them! It never will be them either!

I mean let’s really break it down here. Another adult, presumably on the same level as you cognitively and physically, sees a sink full of dirty dishes. Instead of the dishes being done, you’ve now sat down and are working on a customized list of the steps they need to complete, even with different pen colors. By the time you set down the pen, the dishes would already be done! Wtf!! And to do that all day long!!! I get agitated just reminding my partner sometimes about stuff especially if we've already talked about it. I am capable of keeping a planner and to do list and getting shit done, and expect my partners to as well or at least not make their shit my problem. it's not an unfair expectation at all. Like my dude how are you living as an adult right now?

Disabilities included - it is not YOUR/OUR responsibility to manage SOMEONE ELSE’S disability or disorder. And if they can’t (or won’t!) that is not our fucking problem!! If they don't want to get medication or treatment, that is not our fucking problem. If they want to blame everything on their mental illness or ADHD, that is not. Our. Fucking. Problem. They need to deal with it and manage it on their own. Or, if they are expecting their partner to help, it's in the sense of "speak slowly so I can hear every word you say" or "I need time to process what

you are saying" not "sorry babe I forgot again, for the third time, ADHD hurrdurr" with no actionable plan or steps after their mistake.

Every post on reddit about an incompetent male includes either her backpedaling with "he's perfect!!! He just had ADHD" or the commentors dogpiling her to say "omg OP what if he has ADHD!! How dare you expect him to shower!! Be his mommy!" Either every man on earth has a different ADHD strain that presents as being an incapable baby (but only where it pertains to household duties) OR, it's bullshit. There are plenty of women out there even pre-diagnosis or in current withdrawal because of the Adderall shortage who are making their own chore charts and far exceeding neurotypical men every day. Grow up [men].

A child. She’s married to a child.

Chorelists come under supervising and management. Isn't this an actual job role in the corporate world? Why is this not legitimate labour inside the house? And how is it ableist? I actually have ADHD. I 100% consider anybody giving me a chorelist as a task master because they are delegating and supervising. I am only executing the tasks. And yes, terming manual labour requests as 'sidequests' is definitely sus. Again, I have ADHD. But I don't put the responsibility of making mundane tasks 'fun' on my partner. If I need to gamify the process, I do it myself. My SO is not a parent. I have definitely noticed that a lot of male ADHDers don't have similar levels of accountability. A lot of them weaponize this. No OP. You are not wrong about this.

Screw those people. A grown man does not need a chore list. Kids and teenagers do.

Same energy. This is the coomer version and the Reddit post is the video game addiction version.

Wow, this is a cringefest. "How to say your spouse is addicted to juvenile fantasy and video games without saying...." etc.

This is something you write for a child!

Way to make my vagina sew herself up

I really hate that men always get to use the excuse of adhd, autism, depression etc.

We don’t get that grace.

Men that live alone are able to do things around the home, once they get a gf to live with them , all of a sudden they just forget and blame their adhd.

I get that women are told from a young age that this is normal, but I’m glad there’s some push back on this. Just because a man has mental health issues/disability doesn’t mean we’re “ableist” for not wanting to put up with their bullshit.

I cannot describe how hard I just astrally project out of my body at the very idea of making a list to help another fully grown adult manage the work that needs to be done within the space we both reside.

"Gals is it ableist to tell a grown man to behave like an adult?"

OP, I'll happily tell you that you're right on all acounts. Shes doing more work than she ought to because he's doing less work than he ought to. The cutsie "sidequest" thing is cringe as fuck, and the scrote should honestly be offended that his wife would use such a childish strategy to entice him to do his share of the housework - like pretending a spoon is an airplane to get a baby to open up and eat their food.

Her behavoir is undignified, she needs to have more self-respect,and he's a piece of shit.

Just gonna throw out my (maybe) controversial opinion here for a second. I follow a lot of Dr. Jessica Taylor’s work and I agree with her on her stance about “mental illnesses” and “disorders” you know how we’ve all been told that if you have depression, there’s a chemical missing in your brain? Not true. Doctors have never been able to find anything missing. This is a disproven myth. While I’m sure there are some people who truly struggle with symptoms such as forgetfulness, being scattered brained, etc etc. everyone labels this as ADHD, but honestly I think it’s the environment we’ve all been growing up in. The constant screens in everyone’s faces, scrolling your phone even when the TV’s on, shit like that. Nobody can ever be bored anymore. We always need to be distracting ourselves with something. But men use “disorders” as an excuse. Oh I didn’t do the dishes cause I forgot, I have ADHD. No you don’t motherfucker. You’re just forgetful and lazy, you just didn’t give a shit. Or like he’s not a narcissist, he’s just an asshole! People need to stop hiding behind labels and using them as excuses. Our whole language surrounding mental health has changed these last like 10 years. No one ever says “I’m sad.” It has to be “I’m depressed.” No one says “I’m worried about X.” It’s “I’m anxious, I have anxiety.” Millions and millions of people all around the world are now stuck on meds we never needed before! Oh you can’t sleep? Here! Take melatonin! Like what??? That’s so crazy to me. People are willingly drugging themselves, popping pills like candy for every little thing under the sun. it’s a huge money grab. I think they’ve pushed this narrative that everyone is mentally ill and we need medication to “fix ourselves” it’s like a billion dollar industry at this point. This language is so mainstream online every time a woman complains about something a man does. “Has he seen a doctor recently? Maybe he’s depressed or has ADHD.” Like NO! He does NOT. Not everything is a disorder! Sorry for the rant but this just pisses me off to no end.

this might be ok...if these were a couple of 18-year olds who ran away together. but i'm pretty sure they're not.

literal 18-year-olds were building homesteads and raising livestock in the 1920s...this is just sad.

a person can literally login to ChatGPT and type "how do i manage a household" and get a step-by-step plan in 11 seconds. dude needs to get off of his ass and look around at reality.

Stories like this make my blood boil. I have the most raging ADHD no one ever made excuses for me. I didn't even know until I was nearly 30, and it was affecting my PhD so much that my professor (neuroscience, so not just some random) clocked it. I had every. Single. Symptom... and couldn't get a diagnosis (or help) until I was nearing 40, because the assessments and drugs cost thousands of dollars that I didn't have (the altnernative was being put on a fucking wait list and then dealing with incompetent GPs 3 years later who didn't know how it presented in women. Followed by another waitlist, another 3 years, another incompetent GP...) By the time I actually saw a specialist, he was fucking FLOORED by how I'd managed given the severity of my symptoms. Fucking story as old as time.

You NEVER see people making excuses for a woman the way they do with men. It's infuriating. I don't give a shit if it "ableist" to expect some dude to parent his own child or wash his own ass. The thought of women like me out there struggling for years while Joe makes excuses because he wants to play videogames or just knows it'll get him a free pass... 🙄 No one thinks about how living like this can affect neurodivergent women either. It's not just some stress from mess or screaming children, it can be a full fucking sensory-overload-fuelled breakdown. There are so many women having to put their needs aside to live in domestic slavery to the benefit of some man that's meant to "love them", it's heartwrenching. Just no sympathy from me here.

If a man is this childishly helpless, he needs to be institutionalized. How she can fuck him is beyond me. Total Sahara vag over here just reading this nonsense.

I don't know that I could ever be attracted to this because it feels like you're writing a list for a child. Immediately no. Absolute ick.

I often joke that I am the most organized person on the planet BECAUSE I have ADHD. There is no other way to live. I don't need you to make lists, I already have dozens of my own. I still mess up due to executive dysfunction but what I need from a partner then is mostly emotional support and not managing my shit for me. I can do that. It's just a more frustrating process for me than for neurotypicals. Men who blame their incompetence on ADHD are just looking for a free pass.

I thought it was cute until I realised it was for an adult, not a child.