.png)
I'm 22 and I realized something recently. This post is not intended to sound doompilled. If you're in your early 20s and you're struggling to make friends, the problem is not you and you shouldn't view it as some personal failure. People are just really busy with their lives. They're trying to focus on their education and career. Relationships and friendships are going to be really shallow at this age.
All my friends are from high school. I didn't meet anyone during my undergrad who was worth being friends with. I'm in grad school right now and it's not much different. Sure, I'm constantly surrounded by people with similar interests. But that doesn't mean anything when no one wants to do an activity with you that you would both be interested in because they simply don't have the time for anything.
My parents told me all their friends are either from high school or people who they met when they started their careers. So it's normal if you are either in your teens or your 30s when you make friends, and your 20s are going to be lonely but that gives you time to focus on yourself.
I'm going to be honest I don't like this stage in my life. But when I realized I'm not supposed to be having fun, I'm just supposed to be working hard, things got more tolerable for me. I'm going to reap the benefits of focusing on myself when I'm older, even if things suck right now. And I'll thank myself for not wasting time on men or one-sided friendships with pickmes.
Interesting to read this. I don't think I've made a single close friend since my 20s. All my close friends are from my teens and 20s. It used to be the case that people made friends when they were university students. This was probably the most social and enriching time of my life - I made lifelong friends at uni, both undergrad and later in postgrad as well. But I can see how isolating and alienating today's universities are. No-one seems to talk to each other because they're more interested in staring at their phones, the social clubs are all but dead, and so many courses are taught online. When I was in my 20s, there was no internet, so face to face was literally the only way to communicate with people. The internet, combined with hyperindividualistic lifestyles brought about by neoliberalism, really has ruined humanity. And now we have AI, which will ruin us even more. Gosh, that turned into quite the rant. 🙁 Anyways, I hope you find friends when you start your career, and cherish the ones you already have from school.
This is definitely why people say their 30s are better than their 20s were. No one talks about how hard it is - learning to pay bills that your school teaches you nothing about, getting a degree, getting that entry level job, likely relocating during these things, getting into your first relationship. On top of that working on past traumas and baggage, with health problems emerging simultaneously!
Many people I know do make friends through uni. I didn't click with anyone in my uni class. I get along with people way more in my graduate job.
Advice im trying to follow that people in their 30s learn too late :
Realise the power of getting up early
Eat and drink healthy or you'll feel awful
Don't bother with men !! As a person in early 20s I'm broke anyway, why date when you're broke and most men are focusing on themselves/still immature?
Don't be desperate for friendship or relationship as it will make you chose the wrong people (pick Mes and abusers)
And finally before I turn 30 I plan on making an investment 😊
Yeah, early 20s are just a really in flux time. I have 2 good friends from college, but none really from my early 20s. People came in and out but it was just too hectic (on my part and theirs) for it to stick.
Now I'm just working (no longer working and studying), I have money to do things, time to do things, am living in a place I can actually plan on living for the next decade at least. It's not "settling down" as in "getting boring", just getting the "boring" parts of life on autopilot so you can focus on the fun parts. And everyone else doing that too, and coming into their own selves so they can be better friends (just like you have).
its weird that they say college friends last a lifetime but i havnt made a best friend yet and im almost half way my undergrad degree, i just wanna go out and hav fun w my friends
My take on friendship:
Great friendships that last decades/a lifetime are so rare it doesn't matter when you form them, and you should form them whenever you can.
Most people are LV, so most people you meet at any age are not going to be your friends.
Oh I completely disagree and I'm 23. Being lonely will take years off of your life and our 20's are fundamental to our growth. We need good people around us. If you don't know how to make friends in your 20's making friends in your 30's will feel impossible, making friends and socialing are skills you develop. If you're lone wolfing it you're more susceptible to scrotes taking advantage of you because you have no one in your corner looking out for you. Girl, you'll get eaten alive!!!
I think what's more important is accepting you might not have a BEST friend, but instead have friends designated for different parts of your life. For example, I have no best friend, but I do have certain women I can talk and hang out with for different parts of my life. One for going out to bougie clubs and eateries, one for puppy play dates/girls nights, one for the more hiking/camping activities, and one where we chat about our houses and show each other our updates.
I would say having only friends you went to high school with is holding you back. Try to make friends with people you are in college with, even if all you do is study or hit the gym together. Trust me on this, especially in college, a well built network is worth more than your degree.