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Lately I've been irritated with 2 separate friends (meaning I know them individually).
I find the "friendships" to be extremely one sided. They talk for hours on end about their lives/problems, but if I talk about myself they brush me off or even ignore what I say.
Example 1: Friend A complained for 3 hours about a guy she's seeing, and when I sent some messages about the guy I'm dating she only reacted with laugh and thumbs up reactions...wtf? I'd say 80% of our conversations are about her, and 20% me. She also has major pickme tendencies, so a lot of what I tell her is in vain. I feel like it's a waste of my time talking to her.
Example 2: Friend B sends me memes and posts, I acknowledge them by commenting or liking. Yet most of the time when I send her something she'll completely ignore it.
Both of the examples I used are online since I haven't seen them much in person over the holidays, but even in real life the dynamics are the same.
Is there anyway to avoid or correct this? Or should I just drop them?
Since fds I started treating pretty much everyone with fds rules, not just men
drop them. be ruthless. be friends with people who put on effort to being your friends first. that's my new rule after being endlessly disappointed. even by friends who did some emotional labor for me, whenever i invited them to go out and spend time together, or do a vide chat, anything, they would suddenly be too busy or not in the mood. i do not invite people to go out anymore. let them come to me. i don't offer or ask for emotional labor from anyone anymore. let them do that for me first. reciprocity above everything else.
I know it hurts but you have to believe me, you'll be hurting less once you cut them off and focus on true friendships, because right now what's hurting you is them not showing the same interest and care for you.
Darling, your efforts are not reciprocated, would you accept this in a man? So why are you accepting this in friends? Soulmates doesn't only apply for men, it also applies for friends, some people are not made to be your friends.
You know , lots of people value superficial friendships over true friendships , they want quantity over quality. It's a weird exemple that I've heard a long time ago but it's true , you could have the number of friends the same as the number of hair on your head but once you'll need them , you'll realize you're bald, so choose your friends wisely.
I would like advice with this too.. This has been almost all my friendships. Sadly when I was younger I got sucked into the drama, I'm now mid/late 20s and don't really know how to make new friends, lol.
I have almost no friends as I've dropped people over the years as they were totally indifferent to my issues while expecting so much support themselves. I wish I had made better choices when younger, but here we are.
Find where the other outsiders are in your area, they are the ones most like to reciprocate friendship and value it.
It makes me sad that women’s friendships sucking and us having increasing difficulty making friends has become such a trending topic —not just on FDS, but also on social media, reddit, and youtube etc. People aren’t okay. Individualism plus a bad economy plus corporate price gouging plus pandemic fatigue plus natural disasters plus the setbacks in women’s rights plus the normalization of sociopathic behaviour have really screwed us from having close family relationship, close friendships, and community connections. No one is mentally well. Everyone is depressed. Lots of people using denial to cope. It often feels like the world’s gone mad.
I used to have friends exactly like this, and I felt constantly disappointed interacting with them. Drop them and find friends who invest in you and offer reciprocity. It seems foreign when you’re used to scraps, but there’s a better world waiting for you
I have the same issue with my best friend but thank God she is not a pick me anymore. She lives in a different country, so we message basically every day and talk on the phone once every week or every two weeks. We talk for hours about everything but sometimes she skips over my things. At the moment she doing training for her job so I understand we can’t communicate every day. And I have no issue with it. This past week I wrote to her about my day and she didn't write back for almost 2 days ( due to the time difference). But, she doesn't react to my message. Instead, state that she has been really busy and exhausted ( I understand and don't have a problem with it ) and message something about her program and completely skipped my messages. That bothers me so much and another thing that bothers me is if her boyfriend's message will answer right away. (She used to be very codependent with her past boyfriends, with this one not as much because has worked on that) But it still annoys me. However, I know she is always there for me no matter what. I guess my only advice is if your friends are not there for you and you have given chances let them go. I know it is completely hard because breaking up with a friend is worst than breaking up with a boyfriend.
If you don’t want to cut them off then just don’t put as much effort as you have been and they’ll disappear on their own. I.e don’t spend 3 hours talking to someone. Say you’re busy and cut convo short after 5 min or don’t pick up the call. With the memes don’t bother sending anymore