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Hello ladies. Having an absolute WTF moment and would like to ask for some input, if anyone would be so obliging.
Basically, there is a guy I've been working closely with for about a year now and I've always thought of him as being sweet, if a bit on the awkward side. However, it occurred to me earlier today that a pattern of him stealing my ideas (free time, not work-related) is beginning to emerge and I really don't know what to make of it as I've never encountered anything like this before.
For context, I learned to scuba dive abroad last year and although I had plans to do the training to be able to continue diving in the icy waters of Scotland, I've been so busy with work and study that I haven't got round to it yet. This colleague of mine has now decided that he is going to go and do the training so he can take up diving here, and it wouldn't remotely bother me except for the fact this is now the third time he's done this.
The first time was back in December last year, when I happened to mention that I loathe spending Christmas and new year at home and was toying with the idea, time and money permitting, of booking a fortnight abroad over the festive period in 2023. Not too long after that he came into work and announced that he had booked time off over the 2023 winter break and would be going abroad for several weeks (ironically enough, I still haven't booked anything myself).
The second time was at the end of February this year, after I came home from a trip down south and told him how keen I was to go back and do a certain multi-day heritage hike that I had picked up a map for while I was passing through the area. A week later, he came into work and asked to borrow my map as he had booked time off in May to go and do this hike, once again effectively stealing my idea (and my fucking map!!) before I had even had a chance to go and do it myself.
Just to be clear: he and I have a shared interest in history and heritage (among other things), but he also has plenty of other hobbies and interests that he talks about and which I've always thought were really interesting, so it's not like he's one of these guys who has no life of his own or who is lacking the imagination to come up with his own ideas. It's also not like he's using it as a means of inviting me to join him, he literally goes off and does it all by himself and/or his own friends outside of work. So why then is he stealing my shit and why is it annoying me?
p.s. had no idea what category to put this in so if 'Family & Friends' isn't suitable, apologies in advance!
He sounds like an unhinged narcissist or has some kind of bizarre personality disorder complex. My simple suggestion is stop telling this colleague about your personal life so he stops weirdly copying you!
I remember reading somewhere that most men's personalities are actually just a mashup of their previous girlfriends personalities. He's boring and you sound interesting, I'm not sure if it's anymore to it than that.
How annoying! Stop telling him what you're going to do ahead of time. Or make up a decoy trip/activity, then later say you changed your mind.
He could just be kind of a... suggestible person? I know I also have a tendency to hear about an activity and think "that sounds great!" And then want to do that thing even though the thought never occurred to me before.
It doesn't seem like it's anything deeper?
But I can see how you'd be annoyed.
Can you steal some of his activity ideas (what's good for the goose is good for the gander) or would you even want to do that?
Though it might backfire and he might just see that as a sign that you think it's great to take each other's ideas. 😅
Option A: narcissistic mirroring
Option B: he kind of lacks a personality of his own and maybe doesn't have too many friends so he tries bonding with people by copying their interests. I have seen men like this who were definitely harmless, but still annoying