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Need to rant and hopefully get advice on what I should do.
So, me and my sister grew up close and we were in each others lives almost everyday during our early parenting years as single parents. Until she found her now husband over 10yrs ago. Slowly I was faded out and I was lucky if I saw her once in 6 months. I wasn't included in their life anymore and when I needed her the most she wasn't there. She ended up moving away and having a child with her husband and she has my niece already who is 18. She'd found new friends, good career and her husbands family and she spent all her time with everyone else but me and my children. I've been honest about my feelings in the past but she never saw my side of things and things would blow up. This really hurt me but I slowly over time accepted it. I've always tried to be in my nieces life so that was our only contact.
Now the tables have turned. My sister now is struggling with her mental health and is signed off work with depression. She struggles being a new parent again. And I have had to create my own life and heal myself from her discard of me and I am finally in a good place.
However, she now is trying to get back into my life and just assumes I can go back to how close we were. She's texting daily, trying to make regular plans in meeting etc. But this is too much for me. I can't just forgive and forget like that. I love her so much but I feel that because she has now lost friends and struggling being a parent again that because I'm in a good place she feels it is ok to come back! In the back of my mind all I think about is how lonely me and my children were and how when I was struggling as a single parent with an ill child she wasn't there. Even when my child was in hospital for 5 days and my other child was ill at home, she wouldn't even come visit or help out. Her excuse was she had to pick up my nieces glasses up from specsavers!!! After that I was done!!
She does not see how this has affected me over the years. I do think I should be honest with her but not just yet. We are both currently caring for our mum who has cancer also. Which i take on more than her as she lives further away! I don't know if I can be close to her again and in all honesty don't want her back in my life after everything but I also don't want to desert her.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Tell her you don't have time to text or meet her because you need to pick up your daughter's glasses from specsavers. Every. Single. Time.
She treated you like shit and now that she suddenly needs you she expects you to drop everything, be grateful for the attention and come crawling to her. No way. She can go ask her husband and the new friends she dropped you for. You're not deserting her, she is not your responsibility and has a social network where she is and a husband to take care of her.
Don't bother with her.
I reconnected with my sister who's just like yours, and it's not worth it. We aren't speaking anymore, again.
They don't see their actions as wrong and they feel entitled to treat you like shit. She has not changed, she's just desperate. You're the last resort.
Once she's feeling better, she will discard you again and be vicious about it because she feels humilated she had to 'lower' herself to seek comfort from you. Keep that door closed.
Tell her how you feel.
Even if it's just to close the situation out for good, tell her that this is how YOU felt years ago.
Ball is in your court. She may apologize and mean it.
Swallow your pride and try to have a good relationship with your sister again. Even if it doesnt go well, your regret for trying will be less than your regret if you dont try.