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I've seen a lot of posts about low value friendships and I empathize with all of them. I'm sick and tired of people who devalue my time and company, women who'd rather bang some scrote than spend time with me when they tell me we're friends, people who suck my emotional energy - the always-takers-never-givers (is that a thing?).
So I think now I know better in terms of avoiding low value friends in general. But what about high value friends? What are some good signs - or green flags - that show a friendship with that person is worth it?
- Consistency
- Accountability
- Integrity
- Respect
- Can hold space to hear you out
- Looking out for you (professionally, personally etc)
- Apologizes when wrong
- Tells you when you're wrong/out of line (in a compassionate and respectful way)
To determine if a friendship with a person is real, it's important to consider a few key factors. Firstly, does the friendship feel mutual and balanced? Are both parties equally invested in maintaining the relationship, and do they take the time to check in and support each other?
Another important aspect to consider is trust. Can you confide in this person and feel confident that they will keep your secrets and not betray your trust? Do they exhibit loyalty and stand up for you when necessary?
Lastly, a real friendship should be built on a foundation of honesty and open communication. Are you able to have difficult conversations with this person, and do they reciprocate by being honest with you as well?
Overall, a real friendship should bring positivity, support, and mutual growth to both parties involved.
#1 is considerate. They are not constantly demanding of your time, but you work together to plan things. e.g. "Would love to catch up. Let me know when is good for you" not "Let's catch up now!". We all have our own lives and negotiation and consideration of the other person is important.
I struggled with social skills and making friends for years. Go slow, don't rush the friendship. Let it build up over time. No, "hey I just met you, let's go on a 3 week road trip!". Start with chats at yoga class, move to a quick coffee one every few weeks, see how things progress. And that way if they prove unsuitable you haven't become too entangled.
The FDS podcast ep on building your girl gang is great
This is going to sound weird, but I think you can tell a lot about how HV someone is by their reaction to veganism. Do they get defensive and weirdly offended? Then they're probably deranged. Are they someone who wants to be vegan but doesn't have the discipline or just loves cheese too much? Then they're probably decent people, but lack self control and discipline. It reminds me a lot of radical feminism - it reveals people's true selves.