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Lately, I've been pointing out to my mother how women are constantly screwed over by men in various ways. She usually lukewarm agrees. If there is ever a case of a woman and man involved in some case involving a child, she will 100% always blame the mother. Hell, even with animals- she blames the mother-animal and say they were useless or some variation of that. Or she'll shame women being vocal about abuse, being promiscuousness, anything really.
No matter where in life, tv, or media shows a woman facing consequences for a mistake usually non-harmful mistakes, my mom always seems to gleefully point out to me "SEE even women do x y and z!" Like for example we saw on tv court case of a woman catfishing a man to see her cause she wanted to seduce him for money. No one got hurt, just the man was too blinded by his horniness and wasted money on a trip to see a woman that did not share her picture with him and did not mention her having 3 kids. The case was thrown out, the woman has 3 kids, the man was just angry that the woman was not a supermodel.
Lately it seems like my mom likes pointing out all these "awful" things women do to men, to ME as if she is trying to prove something to me. Normally, I don't really care what my mom says, but I don't like knowing how she's usually narcissistic about it and uses these situations against me when I make decisions for myself.
I've put up way too many times letting men or my brothers talk to me a certain way only for my mom to yell at me like I should be letting or being agreeable. So I never take her advices for years now. What I don't like is the low quality of conversations with her always seem to revolve around "poor men" "woman is evil" "here's some advice <advice then screws me over>".
And when I reject her conversations, suddenly I'm the bad one. I never said I'm perfect or everyone man or woman is perfect, but men are usually the bad ones and that's widely becoming more known. She just doesn't like that it also includes my brothers in that demographic aka her sons.
It's just common Pick-Me shit. My mom did the same thing when I said that men were trash. Her first response wasn't about how I feel and why, it's "no, not all men!". Quite literally. I love her but my god. Funnily enough when I said something similar to my dad, he just replied, "yep".
Keep in mind she's had a lifetime of misogynistic brainwashing. You can't force her to change, but you can refuse to bend to the brainwashing and social pressure yourself. Keep planting seeds. She doesn't want to think her sons are also bad, as you said. But deep down she probably knows.
It’s creepy how deep that internalized misogyny runs, “let’s find ANY woman to blame for a man’s behavior!” I’m unfortunately seeing this increasingly, even in spaces that otherwise generally grasp abuse dynamics.
Examples: 1) The DEPPford Wives idiots. 2) Even The Murdaugh Murders, in which, among other horrors, a wife attempting to separate and divorce her psychopath husband was killed. I keep seeing misinformation like “Dontcha know there are just as many fEmAle mUrdErErs as male, but thEm WimMiN are just better at going undetected!” 🙄🙄🙄 Ignoring the overwhelming crime statistics globally showing that MEN make up the vast majority of criminals. Transwomen’s crimes should not be counted as crimes committed by women.
Don’t forget that pretty much all serial k*illers and r*pists had an enabler in the shape of a wife or girlfriend. Some of them didn’t even start their gruesome career until they met one that would support their darkest, most depraved part of the personality. I’ve met multiple women, personality and professionally, where the mother would chose a dick over her childern’s safety, even where courts had convicted him of molesting his own children, even if it meant that the kids had to be removed. This is just the other end of the same continuum that your mother is on, that my mother is on. You may make your own decision, but I’ve decided to let my mother live with the consequences of her own consistent choices, i.e., have that dick instead of her daughter.
I have a coworker like this.. We will be having a good discussion about womens’ issues and without fail at the end she will bust out the “but women can be x y and z too”. I ignore her when she says that, any suggestions as to how I can respond would be appreciated! Just makes me feel so frustrated in the moment.
I've tried that method- be the "good woman" and you'll hopefully avoid mistreatment or men's ire. It doesn't work. During the lockdown I even became religious and somewhat conservative (now I'm full liberal due to healthcare and pro choice and spiritual not in a church). When I was the "desirable, submissive trad" men still tried to dog me out, not use condoms, string me along. I really thought "good guys with family values" would be the solution. Nope. They still dog you out. Best to be assertive, even somewhat aggressive, cutthroat with boundaries and standards. Because bending to "what women SHOULD do" doesn't work, it just breaks you down and you still get dogged out.
I'm remembering the women who said "Amber heard is crazy, she makes it worse for REAL victims!" - one in particular I eyewitnessed on Twitter. The men were applauding her. But then she made a confession about her own abusive past relationship, because she was a "real victim". The men who had been applauding her as "one of the good ones" turned on her saying "do you have evidence?????"
Same thing happens with religious women. The men will applaud you reducing yourself to the dirt and any attempts to climb back up to a dignified powerful autonomous mindset will be met with 'you're a bad woman' just like the Mormon women have been trained to see independent career women who have premarital sex as evil.
same. regarding my LVM father (i won’t go into details but it’s ridiculous how he treated her, and me and my brother ) it’s “we all make mistakes!” 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
My mom does the same whenever we watch reality tv shows.
Which is why i don't watch reality tv shows with her anymore
That sucks 😫
I'm pretty sure I've single handedly turned my mum into a feminist. She hasn't reached FDS levels though.