My closest friend of 10+ years: FDS aligned, feminist and loves psychology, self improvement, etc. She has an avoidant attachment due to family trauma but she’s working on it and overall great company when we meet up.
We had our one and only fight several years ago. That time, we were out together and I got randomly attacked by a homeless man. She got so dismissive: demanded I stop crying, scolded me and refused to be late to our dinner booking. Strangers helped and called the police, meanwhile she got irritated and left me for the booking… Turns out her trauma/avoidance makes her “shut down” in intense situations. She also became tardy and disorganised, yet badgering me to constantly do expensive activities to avoid her personal problems. I got really angry and told her off!
She briefly saw a therapist and there was a huge improvement for a few years, but now it’s gone bad again!
I used to admire her ruthless boundaries, now she almost has none. Like she’s burnt out and thinks doing MORE work and going out every night will fix it. She insists she’s fine but she’s a HOT MESS.
She was always childfree, but now she’s OBSESSED with her body clock and becoming a “hot young mom”. She also wants her partner to quit his high paying job and get a finance degree to “improve their image”. She’s obsessed with her own image too and refuses to discuss/debate any of this.
She’s back to her old ways again: cold, clingy and disorganised. Her texts are cryptic and one-worded (not even a “hi how are you?”), she initiates expensive, frantic plans and she’ll try change them constantly in the most inconvenient and infuriating ways possible. To her, the chaos is being “spontaneous” and “putting her needs first” which her therapist encouraged. But I just feel like I’m being used to distract or entertain her from her chaotic life.
I’m constantly asking if she’s OK and offering support, but she remains closed off and guarded even when it’s obvious she’s not coping. Then I’m always cancelling plans because she’s a disorganised mess. I now dread her texts… or even ignore them…
If she continues this, I feel I’ll snap again and I don’t want that. I try tell myself it’s just another phase. And I’m just utterly confused that she’s gone BACKWARDS in all her growth, ruthlessness, radfem views, etc.
She sounds like a covert narc or BPD that uses her women friends and doesn't show any loyalty or respect! Cut that POS off like she cut you when you were down and out from the attack by that psycho homeless loser