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I’m in my thirties and I have trouble making friends. Over the past few years, I have had to really look at who I want in my life. I already have a small group, and it’s only getting smaller. I’m down to two people who treat me badly. My mother thinks both girls are not good for me and I should not engage, but like the things is, if I stop hanging out with them, I’ll officially be alone and have no friends. It’s not that I’m afraid of being lonely since I have been alone my whole life, and I can manage doing things on my own. I know how to make myself happy, but I also want people in my life.
My mother does not like these two girls and her reasons are extremely valid. With one girl, my mother thinks that she’s jealous of me and trying to bring me down to her level by setting me up on dates with men that aren’t on my level and are worse off than her husband. In addition, my mother doesn’t like how this friend is using me. So, her birthday is in a week, and this girl wants me to come early, take care of her kids, and help her decorate. On one hand, I don’t mind because her kids are cute, but my mother is saying that I’m always doing stuff like this for her and uses this scenario as an example of her using me.
As for the other girl, I’m actually a little hurt by this, but idk why… so this other girl asked me to train together for a marathon, and I was super excited. However, it never happened. She said we could train together when the weather is nice. However, she told me came up with bronchitis, and I guess the weather was never nice. She told me she wasn’t going to do the marathon because it was expensive, but then this weekend, she made a posting on Instagram about her participation in the marathon. I’m a little hurt by this, but on one hand, I know she can do whatever she wants. In addition, she made this really half-assed plans after her marathon to go for afternoon tea with me, which I declined because I wasn’t interested in, and also the mood didn’t feel right so I just meh 🫤 about it. Anyways, when I told my mother about how I felt, she also said this girl is also not a friend, because she leaves me hanging. My mother has said that this girl is always lukewarm with me where she makes plans but always cancels with excuses like how she needs to redo her house, the weather, and illness.
From this, I told her that it’s really hard for me to make friends. My mother understands and said that I should not consider these girls as good friends, because of how they treat me. I think my mother is onto to something. Now, I’m just left with my own thoughts, and I guess, I don’t have friends that I can consider close.
I have been doing things on my own, and sometimes it gets lonely.
FDS, how do you deal with this? Have you ever been in stage where you had to basically drop everyone you know and forge new relationships later in life?
It’s just so hard! Because I see people having so many friends, and going on trips with them. As for me, I’m off doing things alone.
It's a numbers game - I've found just going to tons of social events (mostly board games and saying "yes" to every invitation to a group thing from people) and finding the few people who aren't insufferable is usually how you cultivate a closer friend circle. Then you can start relying mostly on that circle as it gets more cemented.