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Ladies, I need your advice about one of my friends. She seems to be an amazing HV woman married to a presumably HV man, however, when we went out clubbing lately, she's been acting a bit of a pickme-ish, and I'd like your opinion.
We've known each other for a couple of years, and went clubbing handful of times. The last time we did, however, she ended up talking to some men in a VIP zone. I told her that I'm not interested in them and wanted to spend the time just with her on the dance floor. She was a little bit hesitant, telling me she's only using the guys for free drinks, but I told her that this is exactly what we've been talking about the other day (she was left by herself by another friend just the night before) and that if she doesn't want to dance with me, I can just go home. Finally, she cave in and went with me onto the dance floor. But, in the end, she literally "threw me" to a group of guys in order for me to "find someone".
She ended up the night super drunk and going home by herself (she disappeared in the middle of the night and me and my friend couldn't find her despite calling her several times). Anyway, I talked to her about it the other day. I told her that her leaving me alone on the dance floor just so that she could enjoy free drinks from some scrotes isn't the best of behaviours and she promised that next time we'll go dancing we'll stick together. However, this is exactly the same thing we promised each other before going out last time, so I'm a little bit hesitant. I also asked her why does she feel the need to "throw me" into a group of guys and she said she knows that I want to meet someone, but I told her that it had to be of my volition and I'd rather the guy approach us/me first than the other way around.
What are your thoughts about this situation? Like I've mentioned, she has a seemingly HV marriage so I don't understand her need to get free drinks from other men (when I offered to pay for her several times if it's just free alcohol she's looking for) and I'm worried that if we go clubbing again, she's gonna leave me alone. What do you think?
UPDATE: So I met with her the other day to talk about that night, and she told me in detail what happened to her other friend who left us in the middle of the night to go to a guy's hotel. Without going into too much detail... Basically, the guy r*ped her. Since she was just visiting here (she lives in another country) and it was her last day here and the guy was a foreigner as well, so we didn't follow any legal action and luckily she's okay now. But... My friend's reaction really concerned me. I told her that I feel really bad for what happened to her friend and basically she puts the 'blame' on her friend because "she was the one who left without telling either of us". I mean, that's true, but she was drunk?? And if I invited a friend to visit me here and we went clubbing, I definitely wouldn't have left her by herself at any point during the night. After she went with the guy to the hotel, she wasn't even able to get back to the club due to not having an Internet connection/proper SIM card. She's a friend of my friend (I met her that night for the first time), but my friend seems to not accept any ounce of responsibility on her behalf. I don't know, what do you girls think about that? She wants to go clubbing with me again (just the two of us), but I'm genuinely worried that things might go south again, too. I know there's probably something obvious that I'm not seeing while in a 'relationship' with her hence I'd like an outside opinion.
You two obviously have very different ideas of a fun night out. She uses it as an ego boost and expects you to do the same, you want to dance with your friend. I wouldn't go out with her again. This is not HV behavior even if she might be HV overall. I'd question her actual happiness in her marriage if she needs to get hammered via drinks from random guys.
Your girlfriend is thirsty AF. My sister acts the same way at bars. She didn’t have a good night unless someone tried to take her home. And her throwing you at guys is trying to distract you so she can get what she wants.
The only other possibility is she’s a secret alcoholic and her husband puts her on a budget when she goes out to try to limit her drinking, and this is her work around.
If her husband is so HV, and she supposedly is too, why isn't he providing her with enough so that she can buy her own drinks without entertaining random men?
I'm single and would rather pay for my own drinks than entertain random men.
If the role was reversed, and this was a man entertaining women for some benefits while married, it would qualify as instantly disgusting. Why should it be different here? Surely the $100 she saved wasn't worth it...
Also getting drunk just seems...LV. Especially if it's not even to enjoy with your girlfriends.
The HV attitude here is drink less (less $$), within your budget, with your friends, which in turn protects the integrity of your marriage. Nothing HV to see here.
Could you tell us why you think she's HV when she's getting drinks from random scrotes for fun
I stopped hanging out at bars/events that require partying/drinking with one of my my best friends, simply because whenever she drinks alcohol ( she is not an alcoholic), she gets grumpy and she just wants to mingle with whoever. So I no longer do this with her. She does this with her other friends. We do our normal mature adult outings as I’m not a big party person and I don’t drink alcohol. You might want to set boundaries if you want this relationship to continue.
I don't want to be one of those people, and I hope you take this post kindly. But I have to wonder if maybe she's looking for a way both out of her marriage with her husband as well as losing you as a friend. She doesn't sound too terribly happy with her life overall, and wants a change of scenery. It's hard to say if she really is HV without meeting her face to face, but based on all of this, it's possible that she isn't that content with how her life's turned out. If there's one thing I've learned in life, is that sometimes what appears to be a very successful life, can surprisingly be incredibly empty and unhappy to the ones in it. You yourself think that she is in a very HV marriage, but who knows what is going on between those two behind closed doors. Her reckless behavior via alcohol and strange men seem to be my clues with this, though, so I could definitely be in the wrong here.. but it is quite suspicious. She might see you as an active link to her husband (I'm guessing you talk to him as a friend, too?), so she's looking for a way to get rid of you by literally throwing you to the wolves and whoever bites, wins and gets to have all of your attention so that you'll have no time to spend another day with her again. Again, I could be wrong, but that's what I think is going on. If I were you, I'd start distancing yourself from her. It's possible she doesn't want to have a close friendship with you. I've had the same situation with other female friends over the years myself, and it's painful but it happens.
Super pickme, the dangerous kind. Leaving you alone and throwing you to a group of men leads to a huge risk of danger for the both of you. I am incensed for you, reading this.
Here’s some advice for clubbing alone. I like what she said about club hopping
https://youtu.be/5HYd5tpugxY