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Recently, I made an acquaintance with this girl whom I thought shared very similar values. She seems very FDS-oriented and a 'girl's girl', but, she keeps bringing other friends to our outings.
We usually hang out in a small circle of friends (me, her, and another friend), yet 99% of the time she brings other friends to hang out with us (without even asking). I don't mind her bringing her female friends, but she brings her male "friends" as well 🤦🏽♀️.
I've already expressed my concerns to her and she apologized and had some valid excuses too (e.g. "He's my really good friend who's visiting from out of town and this was the only time our schedules lined up") so I thought she won't do it again, but, we're supposed to hang out again this weekend, and she just informed us she's bringing 2-3 of her other girl-friends and some scrote 😭.
I'm honestly so disappointed because like I've said - I thought she was a 'girl's girl', but she seems to be placing so much focus on male attention and validation I think she might be a pick-me 🤔.
What do you galls say? How would you handle the situation? Should I bring my concerns to her again or just cancel the outing altogether? Am I overreacting? Thanks for your advice/help~
I think it's extremely rude to just bring people - especially someone the others don't know, but it goes for bringing your partner without asking as well - to outings other people planned if the planner didn't explicitly state that it's okay to spontaneously bring someone beforehand.
Maybe you planned something specific that only works with that number of people (e.g. an activity or made reservations), maybe you only prepared food or drinks for that number of people, maybe you or another friend were planning to discuss or announce something private to just your close friends and not a bunch of random strangers they invite, maybe you are just unformfortable with random strangers changing the whole mood of what should have been a nice evening with people you have known for some time.
I might be harsh in that regard but for me that would be a "this is a hard boundary for me and if you ever cross it again I will not invite you anymore" case.
IMHO you are not overreacting. I think what she's doing is inappropriate.
This is a basic compatibility issue. She likes inviting lots of people to your outings on an unplanned basis. You do not.
I'm not saying she's LV, but I am saying the two of you enjoy spending time with people in different ways.
If I were you, I wouldn't block and delete her, but I'd pull back. I would plan to spend time with her only in circumstances where I truly do not mind how many other friends are present (e.g., a big party).
I’d still consider her a good friend, because she informed you there were people coming as well.
She probably likes groups gatherings instead of intimate one on one kind of things.
The proper thing to say is, “Hey something came up, and I won’t be able to attend. Have fun without me. Lmk when you’re planning another another night out.” The next time she invites you, just tell her you’re only interested in having a girl’s only night or something with just you and her.
My personal philosophy is that, if you know you’re not going to have a good time, don’t show up, and cancel. If this is group thing, it won’t be an issue.