Have you ever had a friend (or yourself) 'fall away' from FDS principles? If so, what happened?

After I’d been reading and absorbing FDS principles for a year while single and celibate, I finally resumed dating and had to apply FDS in practice. I had some good moments of standing up for myself, but had to re-learn some points the hard way.

I accepted a midday coffee date from OLD. The guy told me his life story (trying to trauma bond / lovebomb), then asked me on a second date to a fast casual restaurant (think Sweetgreen)… which I accepted (“oh he’s a poor grad student, I should be accommodating, and we really connected on the first date”).

He canceled the second date last-minute because he was “sick”, then weeks later tried to reschedule last-minute on a Friday night (“u up?” energy). By that time I’d regained some self-respect and outrage, so I blocked and deleted.

That was the last coffee date I ever went on! 🥳

I thought my feminist, FDS-aligned gen x friends with high powered jobs knew better, but one was intentionally messing with “ethically non monogamous“ men on dating apps and kept entertaining her stalker ex husband, and another kept letting her male friends use her for no strings sex and then exploit her for money and/or housing. WTF ladies?

My millennial friends aren’t doing much better. One couldn‘t handle adulting (work & bills) so she forced a poly relationship with a married couple with kids and moved in with them. The wife is not into it and what my friend did felt very disrespectful of her and her family. I blocked my friend after she told me. So messy. Another realized her husband is low IQ, low earning, cheating trash after going back to school and significantly levelling up her career to be breadwinner over him, but she’s stayed with him “for the kids”.

I’m not going to have friends left at this rate. I feel like men are so bad right now that a lot of straight women that know better are either settling for a bad situationship or an unhappy relationship. I get it, it’s hard to be alone. Especially if you have kids. Having no free time is isolating and having no help or support for the mountain of chores, childcare, and expenses is demoralizing. Despite how awful that is, I still prefer not to live with a man ever again.

One friend I look up to is my parents’ age. She’s been married for decades to a very kind, very intelligent man who has a similar career to her and shares many of her passions. Despite all that, she purchased a cottage of her own next door to her best female friend’s cottage and she pretty much lives there now and hangs out with her friend and occasionally visits her husband at their shared house. She doesn’t let him stay at the cottage. She confided in me that although she likes and loves him, she realized after being so happy at the cottage near her friend that she doesn’t want to live with a man anymore or be expected to do anything for him. A lot of older women are completely done with being expected to cook and clean for men. Good for them!

I had just gotten into FDS in, I believe, 2019, and I supported a guy who was lost and suicidal, and when he got better he left me because he found the relationship "overwhelming" 🙃

After not dating for a full year except one first date which I saw all the red flags, I have to say I’m a radical FDSer lol. I see friends making mistakes and I try to give them advice but I’m probably coming acrosss as a bitch. However, I know the outcome already as I can tell the red flags from the first time they talk about the man they went on a date with or even before going on a date with him. I can sniff them from a mile away.

When I first started FDS, I only applied it to new people entering my life since my current friends seemed pretty HV (they supported me and shared a lot of my radfem views or dating approaches).

But I used to be a total doormat/people pleaser, so my friends were LV in how they treated me. I couldn't comprehend how a "HVM/HVW" could disrespect me so badly, only to realise that’s how they had ALWAYS treated me!

Tip from me, it’s a good idea to look back on how your friendships/relationships started pre-FDS. You never know which red flags you overlooked until it’s too late and you’re too attached.

No, But I'm the one who fell off the wagon a few times. Relapsing to my pickme ways when I hear that the dude who invited her to a coffee date has been married for over 10 years but I will always try to remember what happened when my standards were criminally low.

I got disrespected, mistreated and tossed aside like garbage when the nice guy act was over. I keep FDS bare minimum. At least has a high school diploma when it comes to education, Lives on his own, Can cook, Excellent hygiene, table manners, defender/provider, Be a gentleman who arrives and leaves on time, no criminal records, no bad habits, no debt, no physical or mental problems and last but not least respectful.

If that's too much to ask then I rather "Die alone"

Well by "best friend" for over 20 years just downloaded Hinge like a month ago, and met the "perfect man" within a week. I haven't heard from her since. Her last boyfriend was poly and cheated on her, and she had to live with me for a bit while she found her own place since they had been living together. I thought I had instilled FDS values into her after she had that experience ("I told you so" type conversations), but it's a slap in the face to not hear from a friend as soon as she has a man in her life. I have no idea if she's being treated well or happy in her new relationship, but I'm starting not to care and coming to terms with the fact that it's not worth maintaining a friendship if she can just ghost me after 20 years for a guy she's been dating for less than a month. This isn't the first time it's happened with her either, so I guess shame on me.

I have a friend who doesn't outright disavow FDS but just can't stick to their principles for the life of her. She's dating this guy with bad breath because of tonsil stones and now for the first time in her life she's been getting tonsil stones (🤮). He always gives her UTIs and took 1.5 years to say "I love you" and puts her down both in private and in public and simps after east asian girls (he and my friend are south asian). If she calls him out on it he'll be like "it's okay I know I can't do better anyway and I'm sure you do too" LMAO. Basically, she's fine at spotting red flags, she's just awful at actually acting on them. She won't dump him for the life of her.

I'd been single and celibate for four years and hardly went on any dates due to many abusive relationships with narcissists/psychopaths. I'd basically given up when one time last year I decided to give a guy that worked a min wage job a chance (I'm a professional and earn well over six figures). The first date was at a cute Cafe with blossoms on the wall (my name is Blossom so I thought it was cute) and we shared cake and had coffee (I know I know). The second one he invited me to try dnd with his friends (introducing me to his friends was weird since it was so soon( and he invited female friends over to play too and he hugged them in front of me. I felt gaslighted and angry and the second time we went out it was after he Got off work for drinks (I know) and when we sat at the bar this turd pointed out another blonde woman who looked like Shrek and said 'oh that looks like a friend of mine if it were her I'd go up and hug her) aka triangulating me with other women and basically saying I mean nothing to him. I should've thrown my drink in his face and left right then..then he mentioned poly to me and even entertained the thought of other guys involved (hinting he could be bi and he also paints his nails black and is in a band I know I know). I quickly shut that down and said I have too much respect for myself to ever do anything like that and he seemed irriated lol but didn't mention it again he wad also irritated I asked him if he was still looking at the woman he pointed at the bar and he said 'no'in a cowardly nervous voice. He also then called me intimidating and was shaking with nervousness lmao cause he realized I'm gonna stand up for myself and can't be played or manipulated. Needless to say the rest of that night we played pool with some strangers (he probably was comfortable keeping a buffer of other people between me and Jim since he's a coward abuser) and some hottest walked up to me and said in a hot British accent 'darling are you even on a date?' Cause he recognized the LVM trashbag with arms wasn't even standing close to me that night and kept a distance at the bar so it didn't look like ww were even together. I said yeah I am and he still hit on me lmao and got my number probably cause he felt sorry for me 😭 that turd also proceeded to trauma dump after that horrible so called date and go on abojt how his ex wife is a sociopath and lied about having cancer. He was blocked and deleted that same night.