Friendship Break Up Advice

Dear Queens,

Could use some advice or consolation. Here is the sitch

I have this friend I have been friends with about 5 years, I know her through a friend of a friend (who I am still very close with but she lives in another country)

Over the last two years this friend Jade and I have gotten very close. We hang out from time to time and in general I felt close to her. However there were a few things that happened in the last year that makes me think it is time to end things.

Last year we took a trip and stayed at my work colleague's guest house. She invited her sister to join us (without asking me. And again it is my fault for not setting this boundary but she is the eldest daughter from a conservative Indian family and was made responsible for her younger sister) and spent most of the time arguing with her. My work colleague's husband even rented a car out for us which she totalled and tried to blame me for (because I was irritated by how immature she was being with her sister on the trip). He graciously would not allow her to pay for it and was so kind about it. We could have died in that car and her sister was in the back seat so idk what she was thinking but she has an anxiety disorder which she refuses to address.
Frequently goes off her anxiety meds and gets all panicky and projects that on everyone. She tried to pick a fight with our mutual friend when she went to visit her over something very stupid. She had been drinking and accuses her of thinking she is stupid (which is strange because my friend never said a word). As she was visiting, my friend didn't want to end the trip on a sour note and so she left work early to go and meet her at a mall to talk face to face and Jade made her wait 2 hours just so she could finish shopping (this mall is huge)
Nevermind what she did to my friend. Just recently, she was telling me about a woman who was visiting our city who is in the same industry as I am (although in very different departments as I am in the creative side and she is a stuntwoman) and so I suggested we go meet her together. She tells me she has scheduled for us to meet this woman at a certain date and time but later that night I get a message from the woman asking me about when to meet which confused me. So I called Jade saying "lol why is she asking me when we should meet like she doesn't know who you are? Doesn't she know we are meeting her together?" This triggered my friend big time. Bear in mind I was only calling to confirm the actual timing and make sure as I was confused as to whether this absolute stranger knew that me and my friend were meeting her, despite my friend assuring me that she had already messaged her. She threw a fit about this issue and messaged telling me she didn't like my tone? Which is baffling because nowhere was I making fun of her but her ego took a hit I guess because on the call she was acting very strange and having a lot of attitude which really confused me further. I was obviously irritated at this point and told her that she can insinuate and read and make up conflict if she wants but I am not going to stand for it and that she has a pattern of creating conflict where there is none and is behaving immaturely given that this stranger is not going to have an impact on our lives. She accuses me of having a "work" agenda and tells me if I wanted to meet her alone, I should just say so. Here's the thing: I am not shy. If I genuinely wanted to meet that lady for work solo I would have stated it from the beginning, I asked my friend to go together because I thought why not? She was strangely possessive of this stranger and she tends to pedestalise foreigners (we live in a developing brown country so everyone wants a foreign friend here and I grew up in the states so it doesn't matter to me). I just thought she was being really immature and was shocked by her behavior and realized I have been cutting her wayy too much slack.

My question: I don't really use my social media that much, but I don't want this girl to have access to me because I feel like friends should root for you and want you to have opportunities and not be petty/jealous/insecure. With this incident she showed me she is deeply insecure and petty and immature and would not extend even a fraction of the grace I have extended her for all her fuck ups. I am actually done with her, so I wanted to know is it cool if I block and delete her off all social media? because we have not talked or discussed this since our text message/call spat.

Comments (7)

Saturn

Mar 19

•

Blocking and deleting is totally fine. We outgrow friends as we grow and mature. Some women prefer to be insecure and childish because no one challenges them on it and they know people will put up with it. She’s put you in DANGEROUS situations so dropping her immediately is the right choice.

Unknown member

Replying to

I don't even recall her directly approaching me to talk and apologize during the car incident. She is cowardly and childish and I am just over it. For me a big dealbreaker with people is if they are insecure, they are never the type of people to root for you. They see you as competition and are only happy for you as long as you're drowning like them.

Personally I think your "friend" sounds exhausting! I don't blame you for being fed up of her. Personally I wouldn't judge you if you blocked and deleted her. She sounds like someone who will cause drama no matter what you do so you may as well suit yourself.

Edited

Ngl she has been pretty emotionally exhausting and occasionally quite self-absorbed or selfish., It was never in a big narcissistic sort of way so I overlooked it. Like if I am sharing a personal issue she will go on an unrelated tangent about herself. She finds it hard to pay attention to a conversation that doesn't center her so if I am only talking about my problems, the only way she will engage is if I try to relate it to something she has experienced.

Tisay.hapa

You're feeling guilty because this person has a mental illness. We as women are conditioned to care for them but just know it was never your responsibility to put up adults who are content being stuck as teenagers.

I think you're lucky this is just a friend because I've seen people with moids like this and in the handbook it says people with mental illness succeed with women because they take advantage of our nurturing empathy.

Don't feel bad or guilty at all for putting yourself first! She did you dirty with the car thing putting the blame on you... Sounds like a weasel... If you had a hvm she'd probably try to snipe him too. Those women are snakes

I think that growing up where we did I felt a lot of sympathy for her, and extended grace to her as I thought she was a striver like me. I worked hard to come out of my personal circumstances, didn't have the best relationship with my family, so thought I had a kindred sister in her. But lately (for a while in fact) I have felt like I am pouring way more into her than she ever did for me.

Mar 21

Try to stop hanging out with people because you feel sorry for them.

ultimately you betraying yourself to be their therapist every single time.

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