I can't think of just one lesson; there are too many good ones.
I think my dad was slightly unusual in that he told all of his daughters to not even consider getting married until we were 30 or 35. He was very strong on encouraging us to get good grades, get jobs, and find creative ways to increase our assets. Some of his proudest moments were connected to seeing one of us nail a job interview, get a scholarship, or negotiate a raise or a financial aid package. He loved for us to have goals and he knew how hard it was to work towards them. He was a strong proponent of the power of positive thinking before it became popularized. "You can if you *think* you can!" was a common saying. Also "You don't know if you don't try!"He was also very much of the "What are you doing inside?! It's a beautiful day! Get outside!" which made my grumpy introverted teenage self feel sometimes resentful, but which in retrospect was very, very good for me. I biked, roller-skated, shot baskets, went swimming, played touch football with him and my brother, etc. He taught me to sail and to row. He encouraged initiative and autonomy, while simultaneously trusting us to have common sense and a few morals.
He believed in discipline, but I feel it was to a healthy degree. He kept a clean desk and he didn't like slob behavior, but he also demonstrated the joy he felt in his work and in life and, by example, showed how much easy it is to navigate through life if you're not sloppy.
He taught me how to read stock information, how to bid on a contract, how to negotiate, and how to finish a job even when you hated it or when you had promised too much.
He had confidence and charm, energy, and strong morals. It was a good combination. It meant that he could talk his way into a good situation, have the initiative to take good advantage of it, but not exploit it in a bad way.
He wasn't all work, though. He taught me to play chess; he loved Scrabble; he enjoyed movies (as long as they weren't smutty) and musical theater and funny books. He took us traveling whenever he could.
He was an odd mix of hard-working perfectionism and laid-back mellowness. He showed me that you can be very driven and successful, but you can also make time for the little things that you enjoy. He taught me to relish the individual moments of life (fresh tomatoes, sunsets, a good joke) and not always be looking ahead to the next thing.
I sometimes saw him angry, but not often; and I don't think I ever saw him in a chronic "bad mood."
Even when one of us made a bad choice of a partner, he never turned on us or said "I told you so." Never. He was unflaggingly supportive, and if we left a bad situation, he was loyal to us forever and would never have a good word for the ex we left behind.
He was always, always super-happy to see us (and our children, if any). He really, genuinely liked kids and enjoyed all their high spirits and shenanigans.
He was funnier and more creative than people realized.
Thank you for listening to me talk about him. He instilled high standards in me for How To Be Treated. He showed me how important it is for a girl to have a good dad. I miss him a lot.
I’m really dumb because my dad worshipped my mother from the day he met her until the day he died and he left a staggering amount of life support. My maternal grandfather worshipped my grandmother from the day he met her until the day until the day she died (and he never got over it) and his life was all about her joy. My brother is one of the best men I know and has worshipped his wife since the day they met.
Don't beat yourself up. If all you know is good, then you will become a good person and project that onto others 💞 The world just couldn't handle your kind heart ❤️
One lesson I learned from my dad is that a man has no excuses when it comes to providing financially, spiritually and emotionally for his family. He provided even when he was sick and dying.
I wish I always had this in mind while dating but if I date again he is the standard. Rest in Power, Dad🙏🏾
20
Unknown member
Jun 14, 2023
When I was 18 & hellbent on marrying a loser, he said "okay. Do whatever you want. Just get your bachelor's degree first." It was brilliant-I didn't rebel because he didn't tell me no, but it gave me enough time to see what a loser he was & dump him BEFORE I got legally entangled with him. To this day, I tell my dad that my master's was for me, but my bachelor's was for him. So basically, education.
He is also very big on me not settling & knowing my worth. I’m so incredibly thankful to have such an incredible dad. I spend as much time as I can with him (& my mom who is also amazing)!
My parents have been divorced my whole life and I have mainly learned relationship lessons from my dad based on looking for the opposite of what he does 🤦♀️ A man who truly loves and is committed to you will be clear, assertive, self-sacrificing (in a healthy, generous way), and want to accommodate your preferences and habits into his life. My dad does the opposite of all these things. The women he dates are constantly confused, belittled, led on, and put in uncomfortable situations 😞
Honestly, I would be pleasantly surprised if many ladies here actually learned positive, supportive relationship lessons from her dad, rather than by striving to find a different type of man than her dad was.
To attempt to give my dad some credit, he has called out some glaring red flags of my prior LVM boyfriends, especially them being freelance/underemployed, and drinking too much. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to hear those critiques at the time, but he was right in those instances.
My father was a narcissist deadbeat loser coward who played bass in a hardrock band and fled the country when I was two years old to avoid paying child support. He's still trying in his 50s to make it to fame 😂 If there's one thing he taught me it's self love and that I don't need the love of a father (or mother since my mother also abandoned me at 2 years old) to survive and thrive! I've surpassed him and all his rachet family that stood behind him and took his side over mine. I out earn all of them combined and have more bank and influence then they'll ever have. I've also gotten to travel the entire world solo on my own dime. I've learned self reliance is key and the one thing LVM hate the most is a woman who's financially secure and self sufficient, since that equates to power in their minds. That's why cheap stingy scrotes are the ultimate turnoff for me now since my dad was just like that and that's all I seem to attract. He never payed even a dollar of child support and called maybe once every five years. I've learned to look within for love and never rely on anyone outside myself for emotional support or validation 🌷🌷
The one and only time I asked my dad for relationship advice was when I was 16. Instead of answering my question, he simply told me, 'Oh, guys just want sex from women.' I'm pretty sure that's just a projection, but it helped me realize that romantic comedies were not an accurate description of the dating world, and that no guy is going to come and save me.
Growing up I've always seen my dad clean up after himself, cook breakfast if mom wakes up late and few other small things. It was his mom(my grandma) that didn't allow him to do more.
But since our family started living away from where she was, I started seeing him do more around the house. And this is a standard I will always have for men who wish to date/court/marry me. That they need to know their way around the house no matter what, barring few exceptions.
He taught me that men can easily function as disciplined humans while staying patient and calm after a long day of hard work and facing massive financial stress.
My father always told me I can do anything I put my mind to. He encourages me to "stay positive every day" and to take no BS. He himself is very narcissistic and we never got along well as I was growing up. He was abusive toward my mother and I always begged her to divorce him, but she never would. I had to heal from a lot of trauma in my adulthood around not being "good enough" for my parents to emotionally support me or love me the way I saw my friends being loved by their parents. But, now that my parents are empty-nesters and getting older, I think they are coming to realize that life is short and they should start reflecting on their behavior, etc. I've come to respect my father more because he gave me the tools needed to be resilient in a world of bullshit (even his own). He taught me to stand up for myself and demand respect, and to recognize when someone isn't valuing me enough. He was always hypercritical of me when I was growing up, which heavily affected my self-esteem and turned me into a perfectionist--I could never do anything right or please him enough. I just wanted him to be proud of me. I'm still extremely hard on myself and have tendencies to strive toward perfection, but I can appreciate that this made me a stronger person in the long run and set me up for greater chances of success. It has given me high standards for how I carry myself, and therefore I hold other people in my life to the same standards, to which they can rarely achieve. A blessing and a curse, I suppose.
When he came to dating, my dad always told me to never settle, that “go talk to 100 random people. 99 of them will be “nice”. You don't just want to find a “nice” man, but the right man.” And “rip off the bandaid” meaning if you know a relationship isn’t going to work, end it fast and don’t drag it out. Then he also taught me never to rely on a man for money and to take care of me, that I should be independent and if I can find someone who can add to my life, it’s gravy, not a necessity.
He also pushed me to have a career I loved and be independent and support myself. In contrast, my mom (who was a SAHM most of her life), kept telling me to find a rich man to take care of me and live at home until I married. I don’t blame her though, that was the only life she knew and what her mother taught her, and did.
He financially supported me all throughout graduate school so I didn’t come out with student loans. Even now, he’s pushing me to reach for higher in my career and gives me financial advice (he worked in finance before he retired), and helped me to practice for interviews and presentations and revise my resume and cover letter multiple times.
There are things that he and I don’t see eye-to-eye on, but I owe much of my current career success and ability to provide for myself, to him.
my dad is a giant Scrote. he cheated on my mom when i was 8. he lied about it and never apologized. they never got divorced because they were both raised Catholic. he also threw tantrums and would launch objects across the room while screaming at my mom. i don't think he could keep a plant or a pet alive if he tried.
the only good thing he ever did was i guess give my mom some money to raise me and my younger brother, and tell me when my boyfriend was being a mini-scrote at age16 to just "ignore him and he would go away." he also built a bench, renovated him and my mother's bathroom himself, and installed travertine tiles in their condo's backyard.
to this day he waltzes into the dining room at dinner time to be fed like a dog by my mom. useless scrote.
he shamed me for my sexuality while never actually teaching me anything. thanks to him i changed my name and will likely never get married or have children, because why would i ever want to put up with a scrote like him? i'd rather live like a feral jaguar in the depths of the Amazon.
My father only taught me by what I saw him do through his actions. He never verbally told me anything. But what I saw was a man who, took care of his family financially, never abused his kids (but absurd my mom a lot) while still feeling entitled to be a chronic philander with multiple GFs in the side where he would take me, his daughter, to his gfs houses and their children were my play mates.
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I can't think of just one lesson; there are too many good ones.
I think my dad was slightly unusual in that he told all of his daughters to not even consider getting married until we were 30 or 35. He was very strong on encouraging us to get good grades, get jobs, and find creative ways to increase our assets. Some of his proudest moments were connected to seeing one of us nail a job interview, get a scholarship, or negotiate a raise or a financial aid package. He loved for us to have goals and he knew how hard it was to work towards them. He was a strong proponent of the power of positive thinking before it became popularized. "You can if you *think* you can!" was a common saying. Also "You don't know if you don't try!" He was also very much of the "What are you doing inside?! It's a beautiful day! Get outside!" which made my grumpy introverted teenage self feel sometimes resentful, but which in retrospect was very, very good for me. I biked, roller-skated, shot baskets, went swimming, played touch football with him and my brother, etc. He taught me to sail and to row. He encouraged initiative and autonomy, while simultaneously trusting us to have common sense and a few morals.
He believed in discipline, but I feel it was to a healthy degree. He kept a clean desk and he didn't like slob behavior, but he also demonstrated the joy he felt in his work and in life and, by example, showed how much easy it is to navigate through life if you're not sloppy.
He taught me how to read stock information, how to bid on a contract, how to negotiate, and how to finish a job even when you hated it or when you had promised too much.
He had confidence and charm, energy, and strong morals. It was a good combination. It meant that he could talk his way into a good situation, have the initiative to take good advantage of it, but not exploit it in a bad way.
He wasn't all work, though. He taught me to play chess; he loved Scrabble; he enjoyed movies (as long as they weren't smutty) and musical theater and funny books. He took us traveling whenever he could.
He was an odd mix of hard-working perfectionism and laid-back mellowness. He showed me that you can be very driven and successful, but you can also make time for the little things that you enjoy. He taught me to relish the individual moments of life (fresh tomatoes, sunsets, a good joke) and not always be looking ahead to the next thing.
I sometimes saw him angry, but not often; and I don't think I ever saw him in a chronic "bad mood."
Even when one of us made a bad choice of a partner, he never turned on us or said "I told you so." Never. He was unflaggingly supportive, and if we left a bad situation, he was loyal to us forever and would never have a good word for the ex we left behind.
He was always, always super-happy to see us (and our children, if any). He really, genuinely liked kids and enjoyed all their high spirits and shenanigans.
He was funnier and more creative than people realized.
Thank you for listening to me talk about him. He instilled high standards in me for How To Be Treated. He showed me how important it is for a girl to have a good dad. I miss him a lot.
I’m really dumb because my dad worshipped my mother from the day he met her until the day he died and he left a staggering amount of life support. My maternal grandfather worshipped my grandmother from the day he met her until the day until the day she died (and he never got over it) and his life was all about her joy. My brother is one of the best men I know and has worshipped his wife since the day they met.
No pickmes in my family but I became one anyway 🙄
Acknowledged and in recovery since 2019 😉
One lesson I learned from my dad is that a man has no excuses when it comes to providing financially, spiritually and emotionally for his family. He provided even when he was sick and dying.
I wish I always had this in mind while dating but if I date again he is the standard. Rest in Power, Dad🙏🏾
When I was 18 & hellbent on marrying a loser, he said "okay. Do whatever you want. Just get your bachelor's degree first." It was brilliant-I didn't rebel because he didn't tell me no, but it gave me enough time to see what a loser he was & dump him BEFORE I got legally entangled with him. To this day, I tell my dad that my master's was for me, but my bachelor's was for him. So basically, education.
He is also very big on me not settling & knowing my worth. I’m so incredibly thankful to have such an incredible dad. I spend as much time as I can with him (& my mom who is also amazing)!
My parents have been divorced my whole life and I have mainly learned relationship lessons from my dad based on looking for the opposite of what he does 🤦♀️ A man who truly loves and is committed to you will be clear, assertive, self-sacrificing (in a healthy, generous way), and want to accommodate your preferences and habits into his life. My dad does the opposite of all these things. The women he dates are constantly confused, belittled, led on, and put in uncomfortable situations 😞
Honestly, I would be pleasantly surprised if many ladies here actually learned positive, supportive relationship lessons from her dad, rather than by striving to find a different type of man than her dad was.
To attempt to give my dad some credit, he has called out some glaring red flags of my prior LVM boyfriends, especially them being freelance/underemployed, and drinking too much. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to hear those critiques at the time, but he was right in those instances.
My father was a narcissist deadbeat loser coward who played bass in a hardrock band and fled the country when I was two years old to avoid paying child support. He's still trying in his 50s to make it to fame 😂 If there's one thing he taught me it's self love and that I don't need the love of a father (or mother since my mother also abandoned me at 2 years old) to survive and thrive! I've surpassed him and all his rachet family that stood behind him and took his side over mine. I out earn all of them combined and have more bank and influence then they'll ever have. I've also gotten to travel the entire world solo on my own dime. I've learned self reliance is key and the one thing LVM hate the most is a woman who's financially secure and self sufficient, since that equates to power in their minds. That's why cheap stingy scrotes are the ultimate turnoff for me now since my dad was just like that and that's all I seem to attract. He never payed even a dollar of child support and called maybe once every five years. I've learned to look within for love and never rely on anyone outside myself for emotional support or validation 🌷🌷
The one and only time I asked my dad for relationship advice was when I was 16. Instead of answering my question, he simply told me, 'Oh, guys just want sex from women.' I'm pretty sure that's just a projection, but it helped me realize that romantic comedies were not an accurate description of the dating world, and that no guy is going to come and save me.
Growing up I've always seen my dad clean up after himself, cook breakfast if mom wakes up late and few other small things. It was his mom(my grandma) that didn't allow him to do more.
But since our family started living away from where she was, I started seeing him do more around the house. And this is a standard I will always have for men who wish to date/court/marry me. That they need to know their way around the house no matter what, barring few exceptions.
He taught me that men can easily function as disciplined humans while staying patient and calm after a long day of hard work and facing massive financial stress.
My father always told me I can do anything I put my mind to. He encourages me to "stay positive every day" and to take no BS. He himself is very narcissistic and we never got along well as I was growing up. He was abusive toward my mother and I always begged her to divorce him, but she never would. I had to heal from a lot of trauma in my adulthood around not being "good enough" for my parents to emotionally support me or love me the way I saw my friends being loved by their parents. But, now that my parents are empty-nesters and getting older, I think they are coming to realize that life is short and they should start reflecting on their behavior, etc. I've come to respect my father more because he gave me the tools needed to be resilient in a world of bullshit (even his own). He taught me to stand up for myself and demand respect, and to recognize when someone isn't valuing me enough. He was always hypercritical of me when I was growing up, which heavily affected my self-esteem and turned me into a perfectionist--I could never do anything right or please him enough. I just wanted him to be proud of me. I'm still extremely hard on myself and have tendencies to strive toward perfection, but I can appreciate that this made me a stronger person in the long run and set me up for greater chances of success. It has given me high standards for how I carry myself, and therefore I hold other people in my life to the same standards, to which they can rarely achieve. A blessing and a curse, I suppose.
He said go watch 1950's movies about dating.
When he came to dating, my dad always told me to never settle, that “go talk to 100 random people. 99 of them will be “nice”. You don't just want to find a “nice” man, but the right man.” And “rip off the bandaid” meaning if you know a relationship isn’t going to work, end it fast and don’t drag it out. Then he also taught me never to rely on a man for money and to take care of me, that I should be independent and if I can find someone who can add to my life, it’s gravy, not a necessity.
He also pushed me to have a career I loved and be independent and support myself. In contrast, my mom (who was a SAHM most of her life), kept telling me to find a rich man to take care of me and live at home until I married. I don’t blame her though, that was the only life she knew and what her mother taught her, and did.
He financially supported me all throughout graduate school so I didn’t come out with student loans. Even now, he’s pushing me to reach for higher in my career and gives me financial advice (he worked in finance before he retired), and helped me to practice for interviews and presentations and revise my resume and cover letter multiple times.
There are things that he and I don’t see eye-to-eye on, but I owe much of my current career success and ability to provide for myself, to him.
my dad is a giant Scrote. he cheated on my mom when i was 8. he lied about it and never apologized. they never got divorced because they were both raised Catholic. he also threw tantrums and would launch objects across the room while screaming at my mom. i don't think he could keep a plant or a pet alive if he tried.
the only good thing he ever did was i guess give my mom some money to raise me and my younger brother, and tell me when my boyfriend was being a mini-scrote at age16 to just "ignore him and he would go away." he also built a bench, renovated him and my mother's bathroom himself, and installed travertine tiles in their condo's backyard.
to this day he waltzes into the dining room at dinner time to be fed like a dog by my mom. useless scrote.
he shamed me for my sexuality while never actually teaching me anything. thanks to him i changed my name and will likely never get married or have children, because why would i ever want to put up with a scrote like him? i'd rather live like a feral jaguar in the depths of the Amazon.
I love this post
My father only taught me by what I saw him do through his actions. He never verbally told me anything. But what I saw was a man who, took care of his family financially, never abused his kids (but absurd my mom a lot) while still feeling entitled to be a chronic philander with multiple GFs in the side where he would take me, his daughter, to his gfs houses and their children were my play mates.