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So my family is in a tiny apartment. My mom took it over from grandparents because they had to go a nursing home. She sleeps on the couch and I do too when I come to visit from college out of state, while my younger siblings are in the rooms. The apparent is just gross. A lot of things need to be remodeled and it’s just too small for us. There’s been things leaking and messing up. Just bad. My dad is in another state building a house but only for renting it out to people. When my dad comes to visit my family he just sleeps in hotels or at his family place. My dad was supposed to get us a new house for them to own, but he didn’t.
My siblings have even been complaining when they’re going to get out of this crappy apartment. My little siblings hate they go to the most awful school in the city. There’s high crime here. But my mom also doesn’t want to move because my brother would have to change schools and he wouldn’t be able to play sports. I think that’s only the case if your past school is the same division? My mom just says it’s my dad’s fault they’re stuck here. Ok yes my dad is terrible but I think she needs to stop relying on him and listening to him. I’m just thinking what do you expect? He does this all the time. At this point you need to do something.
I told her just to rent a better place. She says no there’s no point of renting anymore, but she’s paying almost $1k for this crappy apartment when I saw even 4 bedroom houses for a rent of $1.5k. She just wants to live in a crappy situation to stick it to my dad in hopes he’s going to change. I think it’s just a lot of stupid decisions from parents. My little siblings are begging her to move and she just tells them, “ask your dad!” They already did he doesn’t care. They have been there for a year. They thought it was temporary but nope my dad stop them from getting a new house.
I’m thinking of just transferring to an in state school and find a job here to get my family out of this apartment. Definitely am if they aren’t out of this apartment spring break. But I’m sad I will have to give up sports and the friends I’ve made. I’m being selfish maybe, maybe I don’t understand because I’m younger? I hate going back to this apartment during break. I actually would miss my small dorm and bed. I had a roommate but I still got more privacy and slept in better than my mom waking me up blasting tv in the morning on a weekend.
Tldr; my dad is totally useless my mom knows this, but still refuses to take it in her own hands of finding a new place. Me and my siblings have been complaining we are still in this ghetto apartment. So I’m just going to transfer next year and get a job and help my family move out because my dad isn’t helping and my mom is just giving up.
It's not your job to solve other peoples problems.
Wow wow wow wow. Slow down. Please don't do drastic changes and put your education in danger because your parents can't be reasonable adults in this situation! Besides, if you do this now, your parents will learn NOTHING because you will just be enabling them. They need to face consequences of their actions. Stay strong, don't clean up their mess. I know it sucks to be a bystander in this kind of situation, but since your siblings are not being abused and/or in danger (or are they?) I think you need to distance yourself a little bit. Do you have any older relatives who could talk some sense into them a bit? Is there space in your father's family place for you mother and siblings? Can you report them somewhere safe so that your parents are forced to take action??
You seem like a very responsible person with a good heart, and those are amazing qualities. I understand that these kind of family situations are super messy and it's easy for outsiders like me to tell you to back off. However, I think this is one of those scenarios where you have to be a little selfish. Is the college you're studying in right now a good one? Did you work hard to get there? If so, don't let your parents take that hard work away from you. Has your family dynamic always been like this, that you have to save everyone and take charge when your parents have messed up?? That's not healthy. I don't know your cultural backround but even if you're from a country where adult children are supposed to look after their families, the best way to support them is to focus on your education and graduate. After you've graduated - with those extra curriculars and networks you made! - you will be in a much better place to help them out. Best of luck, that sounds hard.
TL;DR: Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Your feelings are valid. Did your mom apply to state or federal assistance? I've found that many people feel they're "undeserving" and don't apply for the resources available. They are there for us to use!