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It was originally a joke – its creator, Megan Boni (@GirlonCouch), told Today.com she was mocking women who complain about being single while having absurd non-negotiables in a prospective partner. But it’s become, among other things, an (arguably) sincere anthem for girls who genuinely want to date private equity giants in quilted gilets.
Because that’s a trend, apparently: influencers are encouraging young women to date rich, to let themselves be taken care of by a “provider” and to embrace a “soft life” (pursuing hobbies, travel, self-care, having a nice home) without financial responsibilities. New York magazine recently featured some, including a self-described “spoiled girl” matchmaker and a YouTube guru whose dating advice focuses on marrying for money rather than love.
New York magazine also explored the grim “nightmare” of dating for young women: men who crave conquests rather than connection, violent-porn-inspired sex that disregards women’s pleasure and an adversarial, contemptuous attitude forged in, or at least influenced by, the men’s rights movement. Women’s disillusionment is real (see also the pushback against the dating app Bumble’s jokey anti-celibacy ads – some aren’t “looking for a man” at all). You can see that might feed a cynical, even mercenary, sort of relationship nihilism – if not in reality, at least in what you post or consume in the hyperbolic arena of social media.
I was about to do a post on here about something similar. I know someone who’s gone down the fake alt-right version of “divine feminine energy” (essentially a repackaged version of the trad wife). Their version is basically having ZERO independence, financial literacy, education, or any interests beyond pandering to a man, etc. It’s all about “manifesting” a rich “alpha male” (essentially a financially abusive scrote / finance bro) and if it fails it’s because you’re not tapping into the “feminine” enough (big lashes and boobs, submissive, cooking/cleaning, etc).
I’m all for women pursuing their hobbies, travelling, curating nice homes and setting high standards for potential partners, but it seems like tiktok trends have taken it the wrong way. I’m saddened that feminist/FDS values can get so twisted and misconstrued just to reinforce the patriarchy.
"New York magazine also explored the grim ‘nightmare’ of dating for young women: men who crave conquests rather than connection, violent-porn-inspired sex that disregards women’s pleasure and an adversarial, contemptuous attitude forged in, or at least influenced by, the men’s rights movement."
I'm a New Yorker, and yup, this sums up the entirely of my dating experience in New York. When I lived there, every single man I ever went on a date with viewed women as public fuckholes. Some pretended they didn't, but they all did.
I wonder if it has to do with a belief that men are not capable of offering anything more than money. I am coming out of a phase where I refused to date someone who made less money than me (I’m in the top 1% of earners) because I lost sight of what a man might offer beyond additional financial security.
Gender relations feel so polarized now compared to 10 years ago when it seemed more normal to be friendlier to men.