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It was originally a joke – its creator, Megan Boni (@GirlonCouch), told Today.com she was mocking women who complain about being single while having absurd non-negotiables in a prospective partner. But it’s become, among other things, an (arguably) sincere anthem for girls who genuinely want to date private equity giants in quilted gilets.
Because that’s a trend, apparently: influencers are encouraging young women to date rich, to let themselves be taken care of by a “provider” and to embrace a “soft life” (pursuing hobbies, travel, self-care, having a nice home) without financial responsibilities. New York magazine recently featured some, including a self-described “spoiled girl” matchmaker and a YouTube guru whose dating advice focuses on marrying for money rather than love.
New York magazine also explored the grim “nightmare” of dating for young women: men who crave conquests rather than connection, violent-porn-inspired sex that disregards women’s pleasure and an adversarial, contemptuous attitude forged in, or at least influenced by, the men’s rights movement. Women’s disillusionment is real (see also the pushback against the dating app Bumble’s jokey anti-celibacy ads – some aren’t “looking for a man” at all). You can see that might feed a cynical, even mercenary, sort of relationship nihilism – if not in reality, at least in what you post or consume in the hyperbolic arena of social media.
I wonder if it has to do with a belief that men are not capable of offering anything more than money. I am coming out of a phase where I refused to date someone who made less money than me (I’m in the top 1% of earners) because I lost sight of what a man might offer beyond additional financial security.
Gender relations feel so polarized now compared to 10 years ago when it seemed more normal to be friendlier to men.