You are NOT Dumb. (Part 2): The Aftermath

You are NOT Dumb. (Part 1)

So you have make your decision. Good.

Now, are you busy explaining, justifying, defending, listing out all the reasons why you decide things this way instead of that?

Because suddenly, there's hoards of people coming out of seemingly nowhere -- questioning, interrogating, nitpicking, devil's advocating, "But what if"-ing -- just non-stop talking and debating about the decision that you make for yourself and doesn't affect them in anyway whatsoever.

But they act like you just commit the worst crime against humanity or some bullsh*t.

So you found yourself knee-jerkingly go into a whole session of explaining and justifying your action to everyone, even strangers on the internet -- whenever they reminded you of your decision. Even when they didn't ask about it specifically.

What happened here?

Why are all these people treat you like you are about to commit the worst mistake of your life, simply by deciding things for yourself (without "consulting" them first, the audacity!) for once?

1) They are bored. They have a mouth, so they talk.

2) They honestly believe they are "guiding you into the light" by "sharing their wisdom".

3) They are fulfilling their "good Samaritan, wise person" quota for the day.

4) They think you don't know what you are doing -- because a woman is "emotional" and "irrational" and can't for crap, use her own f**king brain.

5) If it is a woman or a group of women questioning you -- they are similarly, brainwashed since birth to believe that women, as a whole gender, don't know jack sh*t when it comes to making a decision -- so they are projecting their fright, worry, fear, anxiousness, and overthinking on you.

"Aren't you worry that you will never find someone as nice as him?" -- because those women worry they will never find a good man.

They are not talking about you -- even when it seems like they are -- they are talking about themselves.

6) They enjoy seeing you grow more and more doubtful of yourself -- because that's how they reaffirm that they are "above" you.

And so on and so forth. I can list a whole ass book why people treat you like sh*t when you decide to choose for yourself -- but that's not what this post is about.

This post is about YOU.

What is happening to YOU?

You are being GASLIGHTED.

Intentionally or unintentionally, that part isn't important for now. What's important is that your knee-jerk reaction to go into a spiel of justifying and explaining your decision is a sign that you have been gaslighted.

After you make that decision, you are put under a string of vicious and continuous attacks that left you being even more frightened, scared, TERRIFIED, anxious, overthinking extravaganza -- basically all you can imagine after making that decision is just your life is basically ruined.

They questioned and nitpicked on things that you didn't think about before making that decision, painting the most horrific future you will go into because you decide things this way instead of that, telling you about the story of their cousin twice removed deciding the same thing you did and what happens to her now? Rotting in a ditch somewhere or some shit like that.

All just because you dare to decide for yourself, for once.

When I say you have been brainwashed -- it didn't stop just because you found FDS. Brainwashing attempts will still continue for as long as you live, and live within the society -- and it will be even more vicious once they see you starting to stand up and decide things for yourself.

Oh, you dare to think and decide for yourself?! Well now you will be questioned, interrogated, nitpicked, devil's advocated, "But what if"-ed; attacked, attacked, attacked -- until you are left a frightened, anxious mess, begging them to accept your decision by going into a whole session of explaining and justifying your action to everyone.

Stop.

Do NOT justify your decision to ANYONE.

Yes, even to those who you love, who loves you dearly, those who always have your back. Especially them.

Because they are still human, and human can't help but being anxious and worry about the unknown future.

And they certainly can't help but project that anxiousness and worry onto you. They worry for you, yes, but the origin of that worry is from their own anxiousness about the unknown future.

Especially when you decide to choose a riskier, unpredictable path that diverge from the perfectly planned path.

For example, you are in your forties and your parents worry about you still being single, while they don't have much time left. And can't help but question your decision to reject that "nice gentleman" because he "seems great enough".

It is their limiting belief and anxiousness about the unknown future -- but they are projecting it on you.

That's why you absolutely CANNOT justify your decision to ANYONE.

Because attacks from people you don't give a single flying f**k about is one thing -- but questions from your loved ones?

They are going to cut so deep, you will automatically began doubting yourself.

And the more you try to justify your decision, the more information they will get, and the more questions and what ifs they will prod you with. And the more you will doubt yourself.

So DO NOT justify.

So what should you do instead?

This is going to be brutal and you aren't gonna like it -- especially those who just starting to decide for herself -- but it is a necessary step in the journey:

You are going to SIT in your decision and BE PREPARED.

No justifying, no explaining, no going into step by step details why you decide to do things this way, no nothing.

If you need to pour it somewhere, write it all down on a journal or something. But do NOT start a conversation about it with another soul. Wait two months at least.

Be prepared for the questioning, interrogating, nitpicking, devil's advocating, "But what if"-ing, non-stop talking and debating (that will put Harvard debaters to shame) -- and be prepared that it will go for as long as those people have the energy and attention span to do it.

Every single time, just shrug and say "Well, it is what it is. I've decided," and go on with your day.

It will be an absolutely long and tough journey ahead -- but stay STUBBORN. SIT in your decision.

Stay so stubborn and unmoved that they will say "Damn, she is so damn stubborn. Nothing we say goes through to her."

What are you doing?

You are SHOWING YOURSELF that you are IMMOVABLE in your decision.

Even when your own brain is going crazy throwing you all these horrific imagery as they talk about the what-ifs -- you are being so f**king stubborn that your own brain eventually gives up and start calming down (yes, I am talking from personal experience. OCD and ADD).

Stand up, walk away -- do whatever's necessary to distance yourself from those people.

SIT in your decision.

"But what if I decide, and my decision is wrong?"

So you've made a mistake.

And the same hoards of people will come gleefully sneering at you -- "See? I told you so! You should have listened!"

Or worse, your loved ones sigh in disappointment. That one cuts deep, right?

You feel so humiliated and stupid that you wish you never made the decision in the first place.

Or something like that.

What did I do in this situation?

(‾◡◝) "Ah fuck, I made a mistake."

(‾◡◝) "..."

(‾◡◝) "Oh well, do better next time, me."

And go straight into problem-solving mode. And go on with my day.

🔫(‾◡◝)🎶 "I want some ice-cream"

You see, decisive people don't have easier time deciding because we mysteriously "know" we will make the perfect decision each time. We don't.

I've lost count how many times I f**ked up and made a fool of myself. But I still decide, each and every single time.

Why?

Because whatever happens, I will deal with it.

I am under NO illusion that I will always make the right/best/correct/effective/etc decisions -- but I know damn well that whatever happens, I will deal with it.

I take FULL responsibility, accountability, and ownership of my choices, I will NOT hide behind the walls of "I don't know", and I will deal with whatever happens next. And I will not blame others for the decisions I made.

I will deal with it.

It is NOT about making the "right" decision, sis.

It is about telling YOURSELF, your brain, your worry, your anxiety, your fear, your overthinking, your terrified-ness -- again and again and again -- that YOU WILL BE FINE.

That you got this.

Come whatever may, you got this.

You will SEE, with your own two eyes, how CAPABLE and RESILIENT you actually are.

How NATURAL you fall into PROBLEM-SOLVING mode and how CREATIVE you are in dealing with the unexpected.

Because there will come a time, when all you HAVE is a split-second to decide.

And hopefully, further down the road, all you NEED is a split-second to decide.

You GOT this. You will be FINE.

You are already extra-careful, extra-perfect, extra-right, extra-good, extra-best all your life anyway -- what's a little mistake here and there?

It makes life more fun you know?

You are NOT dumb. You are actually far more CAPABLE than you realize, but it is all buried under all that layers of fear and terrified-ness and self-doubt.

Stop doubting yourself. Just DECIDE. You are NOT dumb.

Stay safe. Stay Woman.