Coming back after two months and expecting exclusivity. Saying HE expects a decision in a week, putting YOU on a time crunch. He already feels like he owns you and is entitled to you.
Unknown member
Feb 14, 2023
Replying to
Thank you for putting into words what my gut was telling me
Stay safe sister. If you feel like you’re already walking on eggshells, it’s a bad sign. FDS usually recommends reading The Gift of Fear regarding men like this, as they’re very likely to be abusers.
Pushes your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable then apologizes
then pushes your boundaries again trying to rush you into a decision
sounds like a pattern that will keep repeating itself. Naw,I think if you forgive him he will just think he can keep being pushy and disrespectful and just apologize for it later. He even said he expects things to return to normal just Because of the apology.
Exclusivity? When the two of you haven't even met? Huh?
19
Unknown member
Feb 14, 2023
Imagine if the genders were reversed: if a woman acted this way towards a man she had never met, he would put her in the crazy biatch category and either block her or use her for sex only.
Men do not give crazy women the benefit of the doubt. Likewise, you should not give this crazy scrote the benefit of the doubt. Treat men the way they treat us.
Trust your instincts. If he disregards your boundaries on comfort now, when he's trying to court you and get to know you, how much worse would it be when he feels 'comfortable' in the relationship?
Put on those shoes and run, 'cause there are far more considerate people out there 💅 let him grovel all he wants.
13
Unknown member
Feb 14, 2023
I read your comments and I'm glad you blocked him. I wouldn't be so generous to say that he took accountability. If you want to read about how someone ought to take accountability when they mess up, I really like how Lundy Bancroft described it in his book Why Does He Do That? He describes the steps to accepting responsibility with a hypothetical situation of someone cutting down their neighbor's tree. I'm not going to put the whole thing here, but essentially it's not enough to just admit cutting down the tree was wrong. He needs to compensate the neighbors for the cost of the tree, plant a new tree, and water and take care of it for as long as necessary. More importantly, he has to accept his neighbor's anger or mistrust and lay aside his demands for forgiveness. I really recommend reading his book if you haven't. You can find a free copy online.
Apologizing to you was just the first step of taking real accountability. He still had to work towards regaining your trust and there's absolutely no way that can be done in a week. That's like cutting down the tree and then telling your neighbor, "Cutting down your tree was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But I'll only pay you back for the tree if you forgive me by the end of the week. Also, you have to go back to the way you were before I cut it down." He should've been grateful just to have another opportunity to prove himself to you, not try to set the terms to guarantee the most favorable outcome for himself.
It was actually that section of the book that finally convinced me to break up with my boyfriend at the time. I realised that was how I naturally apologise and take responsibility but it had become years and I wasn't getting anywhere near that level of respect back.
No. Just no. Expecting to step all over your boundaries and you haven't even met? Heeeell no. Btw I have ADHD too and I'd never expect someone to be massively uncomfortable for my sake. Yes I might be impulsive sometimes but I'm not an asshole. Don't accept the apology.
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He seems psycho. Move along.
I don't even need to read the post, the answer is always no 😂 Find a new man who didn't already screw up.
Pushes your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable then apologizes
then pushes your boundaries again trying to rush you into a decision
sounds like a pattern that will keep repeating itself. Naw,I think if you forgive him he will just think he can keep being pushy and disrespectful and just apologize for it later. He even said he expects things to return to normal just Because of the apology.
Omg block him.
Exclusivity? When the two of you haven't even met? Huh?
Imagine if the genders were reversed: if a woman acted this way towards a man she had never met, he would put her in the crazy biatch category and either block her or use her for sex only.
Men do not give crazy women the benefit of the doubt. Likewise, you should not give this crazy scrote the benefit of the doubt. Treat men the way they treat us.
Second chances always lead to regret. Never do it.
No second chances. He's a boundary pusher and he wanted you to talk to his mother before he met you in person! Good grief.
He's already giving ultimatums and you guys aren't even dating. He's already established how he thinks conflicts should be resolved.
Trust your instincts. If he disregards your boundaries on comfort now, when he's trying to court you and get to know you, how much worse would it be when he feels 'comfortable' in the relationship?
Put on those shoes and run, 'cause there are far more considerate people out there 💅 let him grovel all he wants.
I read your comments and I'm glad you blocked him. I wouldn't be so generous to say that he took accountability. If you want to read about how someone ought to take accountability when they mess up, I really like how Lundy Bancroft described it in his book Why Does He Do That? He describes the steps to accepting responsibility with a hypothetical situation of someone cutting down their neighbor's tree. I'm not going to put the whole thing here, but essentially it's not enough to just admit cutting down the tree was wrong. He needs to compensate the neighbors for the cost of the tree, plant a new tree, and water and take care of it for as long as necessary. More importantly, he has to accept his neighbor's anger or mistrust and lay aside his demands for forgiveness. I really recommend reading his book if you haven't. You can find a free copy online.
Apologizing to you was just the first step of taking real accountability. He still had to work towards regaining your trust and there's absolutely no way that can be done in a week. That's like cutting down the tree and then telling your neighbor, "Cutting down your tree was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But I'll only pay you back for the tree if you forgive me by the end of the week. Also, you have to go back to the way you were before I cut it down." He should've been grateful just to have another opportunity to prove himself to you, not try to set the terms to guarantee the most favorable outcome for himself.
No. Just no. Expecting to step all over your boundaries and you haven't even met? Heeeell no. Btw I have ADHD too and I'd never expect someone to be massively uncomfortable for my sake. Yes I might be impulsive sometimes but I'm not an asshole. Don't accept the apology.