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I got banned from the purple pill debate subreddit for saying this!
The narrative that women like "bad boy womanizers" is cope. It's much easier to say "women like bad boy womanizers and that is why they don't like me" than to work on improving yourself by either a) finding a girl who likes you back b) improving yourself either with your personality or appearance c) being alone and d) lowering your standards to accommodate for women who like you in your league.
A lot of men don't want to put in the effort to pursue women because they fear/ can't handle rejection, are lazy, or can't cope that the women in their league aren't going to look like e girl Instagram models.
"Wasn't your ex toxic?" Yes. He was. But he was the first guy ever to call me every morning and afternoon and evening before bed to say he loves me, he was constantly declaring his love for me, and any time I would pull away he would pull me back. A guy who regularly tells you how much he loves you and cares about you is much more pleasant to date than a guy who takes several hours or days to text back and is too shy to say "you're beautiful". The "nice guy" character will say "omg she just didn't want me because I am a good nice guy" because calling a girl 3 times a day to say I love you is too much of a burden for them. This dude had a post on Instagram that when a girl rejects him, he just asks out other girls until one says yes. And for his business, he seeks clients until one says yes.
I also have a friend who is 36 and a kissless, handholdless virgin. He is also a "nice guy" but a "confident nice guy" and he has mental health issues. His wife hunting strategy is to go to various churches and befriend multiple women for a year then ask them out on dates. When I explained that if I was consistently talking to a guy for an entire year and he didn't ask me out on a date, I would assume he wasn't interested, he got defensive.
He also is paranoid and has mental health issues because he believes that one of the churches he went to wanted revenge on him for "showing women that there is an alternative to the type of man who goes to bars" . He will back out of asking a woman out because he "psychoanalyzed" her and realized that she doesn't want a serious relationship and just wants something short term without ever asking her what she wants, just assuming.
it's easier for this dude to deliberate asking a woman out for an entire year and to befriend multiple women than to actually bite the bullet, face potential rejection, and ask a woman out for dinner. It's easier for this dude to "analyze" a woman and decide she isn't looking for anything serious and therefore not ask her out than to ask her out.
So in my case study above, the "bad boy" is consistent, expresses love every day, and isn't paralyzed by fear of rejection. The "nice guy" makes up elaborate excuses to avoid asking out girls and facing rejection and spends time lingering as a "friend" for an extended amount of time to avoid asking a girl out and facing rejection.
It's easier to cope by saying "she doesn't like me because I am too nice" than to work on improving yourself and learning how to face rejection.
I feel like all men need to read this. The difference between the “good guys” and their enemy, the “bad guys” is that the other men will pursue women. That’s pretty much it. One way or another, these pathetic cope guys refuse to pursue us properly and even when they try, it’s a weak-ass attempt.
That shit drives me crazy. "Women prefer men who abuse them" just shut the fuck up, males. No woman has ever said that. Meanwhile, men straight up say that they prefer women with mental health issues that lead to poor boundaries.
Another angle:
The supposed "bad boys" just happen to be more interesting than the guys complaining about them. Doesn't mean they are necessarily better but as an example: a rocker who plays guitar (a skill) or sings (another skill) and tours around the country and beyond is far more interesting than an overweight dude who drinks too much beer and plays video games 8 hours a day or surfs Reddit. Period. And guess which ones I encounter more? That's right, the latter group. Ugh. So yeah, the guitarist man with a good body and obvious skills is already more interesting than the video game addict with no social skills. It could be they are both bad for women. But frankly I don't want much to do with the video game man. He's boring and a dime-a-dozen and has no real skills beyond whining about women on Reddit and pressing X and A. I am more likely to want to take a chance on guitarist man. Women like adventure, too.
Every genuinely nice guy that I know is married. Even serial rapist murderers can get married like Richard Ramirez. If you don't ask the girl out that you like, you don't get the girl. But men constantly blame women for their own actions and inaction. I've been in the Army and working in construction since 1995. I don't know one man, big or small, short or tall, bald or haired, nice or mean, etc. that is single. Not one. In fact, after I got out of the Army in 2006 and went into construction my family thought surely I'd meet a guy. But nope. All men were already married or seriously involved when they came to my companies. So these guys who have issues with women are simply defective and unwilling to do anything about it.
One thing that men consistently get away with is burdening women with their attachment issues and trauma. *They* don't want to deal with it so they blame women instead, and expect us to compensate for their insecure behavior. You made an excellent observation that the "nice guy" is acting quite avoidantly, such as making up faults in potential partners and procrastinating. He may think he wants a connection but it terrifies him at the same time. Because of this he wouldn't make a good partner because of this insecurity he refuses to take responsibility for anyway.
As for the men whining about "bad boys" - they're projecting. They themselves are pursuing and latching on to emotionally or physically unavailable women, instead of moving on and finding someone who actually wants them. These guys also think they want an actual relationship but subconsciously avoid real connections by pursuing unavailable women. And then they'll have the audacity to tell women how they should "choose better", when that never occurs to men to vet for relationships. These are also insecure men who would be awful in relationships.
It drives me a little bonkers that no one holds men responsible for their relationship issues. It's never the man who is the problem, it's just every single woman he's come across, or half the world population 🙄
This reminds me of this series I used to love that had a female main character, but it was written by a man. He really ruined it for a whole lot of the (mostly female) fans when he showed disdain at the fans for preferring the "bad boy" love interest when he really wanted us to like the "good boy" more.
It's so weird that he managed to write much more compelling plot-lines for the "bad" one, made him much more fully fleshed-out as a character, repeatedly have him risk his life to help her (the "good" one never really does anything that would be too inconvenient for him) - and yet it goes over his own head that this is why the fans like the "bad" one more than the half-baked "good" one.