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The level of fear directed at women regarding aging is absolute bullshit. It tells us we must fear the passing of time, and, in our panic to secure a man, settle for substandard relationships.
We are constantly primed to waste our precious time, energy, and financial resources “fighting aging.” The time-limited deal is a common high-pressure sales tactic. However, I believe that time is actually our friend.
Time allows for the development of maturity, perspective, and better decision-making. Taking our time can allow us to make decisions that make sense for ourselves.
Women also age better than men: the evidence is everywhere. Men, as pointed out recently in another post, overestimate their attractiveness, and age rather poorly.
I look at photos of myself from my mid to late 30s and I look so much better now at 43. What’s changed? My level of stress, my capacity for self care, and my inherent self worth have all improved.
In my 30s, I spent my time obsessing over men, trying to meet someone through online dating and going out to events I didn’t really want to attend, drinking to ease my anxiety and dull my broken spirit, and trying to stave off “hitting the wall.” The wall is fiction: it is a story created by men. Women who have children with useless, abusive partners bear even more of the burden of stress and burnout.
We no longer need a relationship with a man to have children, so that time pressure is increasingly irrelevant as well.
I believe that being constantly on guard and energetically attacked by men's toxicity, and the effort required to clear it from our nervous systems, creates illness and exhaustion for women.
Not doing these things changes the game for women. It positively affects our energy, our health, our overall wellbeing, the sisterhood we attract, and our self confidence. A person who loves herself is always attractive.
But most importantly, we are so much more than how we look. Whether we age like milk or like wine does not matter beyond how we feel about ourselves.
The partner I want does not want me for how I look, but rather, for who I am. Everyone grows older, everyone loses their “youth,” and those of us who are mature individuals understand that what has enduring value is on the inside.
All along, deep down, I knew this. I knew that being prized for my youth and my beauty meant nothing. I saw how women around me were discarded by their partners when they aged or became ill. I swore I would avoid this fate for myself.
Deconstructing the patriarchy involves smashing the notion that as women, our bodies must meet some subjective, outside measure of criteria that decides whether we are worthy. This measure is always painted as objective however it is not. It is a spell that has been written by men: we can choose whether or not to believe it, and we can counter it with the words and the love we speak to ourselves.
Nearly everything a man says about a woman is projection. Women live longer than men. It's impossible that women age worse than men when we outlive them. There's simply no logic in their argument. Men have invented Viagra so that they can fake virility long after their d1cks have hit the wall. And most of their wallets hit the wall prior to age 30, and they never recover. So WTF are they talking about? 😂
Man want real live porn dolls. Dumb, forever young, naiv and submissive. Not women are the ones who are afraid of ageing. Men are afraid of women ageing, because that means that women become more secure, financially stable, have more sexual experience (and demands as well as boundaries) and can easily see trough men's bullshit. That is what men are most afraid of. A hella attractive 30-something woman who is secure and confident and will no longer play by his rules, rather she will play by her own rules. 👈
"But most importantly, we are so much more than how we look." Thank you for including this. Maybe some women will not "age well" whatever that means to patriarchy. Maybe a woman gains weight, has wrinkles, does not look "youthful," develops disabilities, etc. But she always has worth because of who she is.
Even if one is considered by society to be unattractive or does not fit normative beauty standards, she is always worth knowing and loving. I'd argue that some of this involves class privilege. Not all women can afford to go to a dentist. Not all women have a primary care doctor. Some women are poor, work difficult jobs that ruin their health and bodies. Some women have conditions that thin their hair, cause skin issues, and so on. We must find a way to love and accept ourselves even if we do not age beautifully or have great bodies and skin.
Under patriarchy, women are told they have expiration dates, that their lives should be dedicated to pleasing men, that their only value is in how they look. We must resist this whole paradigm. No matter how you age or how you look, you are sacred, lovable, and your life should not be defined by male validation.
I fear once I get older, that whoever I choose will jump-ship when I get sick. I have a couple Of ticking time bombs health wise and I noticed how selfish men are that if you mention it, they bow out. Funny how if I fell in love with a sick guy, I’d never dream of leaving him.
Even if it were somehow true that we age like milk compared to men... we're more likely to age at all if left alone. And we live longer. And tend to be healthier on average because we are more likely to take care of ourselves and go to the doctor. Fuck's sake.
Worrying about tHe WaLl has basically ruined my life and I'm working on fixing it as best as I could, though I know I will never be like the woman I used to be before all of the horrible things that's happened during my years of dating men. I was told that once I hit 25, that that was the end of the road for me and if I try to find a husband after that, it will be a no-go since men will go after teenagers/early 20s for marriage instead. It really worked to spook me into getting married right on my 25th birthday to a man who absolutely did not deserved me at all.
I think I actually wrote about this before lol, but I knew this girl in high school who was very overweight. People really dogged on her for that. She is, or was, by all accounts, a late bloomer. She was one of the last people to have a proper boyfriend, and one of the last to have sex. She spent her 20s crashing and burning, and then healing and learning about herself. She went to the gym and worked hard getting down to a healthier weight. She blossomed. And around her late 20s, after she is at the other side of "her wall", she meets someone special. They got married and now have babies and are so goddamn happy.
I got scared and married earlier than her, and now have nothing to show but a divorce certificate and therapy fees. This is a wonderful illustration as to why we shouldn't listen to men or heed their scare tactics. It truly has no basis in reality. I regret my choices and I wished I had waited to get married. I only hope that now, as I heal and try not to let the bitterness consume completely to the point of giving up on love 100%, that I can be happy in life again, despite what's happened. I should have done that when I was young and was able to learn quickly, and not let men's words scare me.
This year, I can count on all fingers and toes of how many times men continue to sexually harass me and stare at me like I'm a portrait of perfection. They can't believe I am the age I tell them that I am. They try to get with me, despite me being in my 30s, aka the advanced wall. 🙄 So sadly no, these men will continue to hound you when you are 30s and beyond lmao.
YES YES YES
It is male fearmongering to try and force women to "settle" for Mr Crap out of fear they won't be able to find anyone else once they are over a "certain age" and I'm here to tell you it's ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.
Also men cannot judge a woman's age for the LIFE of them. A 40yo woman walks by and he will think she's in her 20s.
Men act like they are vampires who never age. They do age and they age worse than women. Yet when you reject some old dude all the pickme’s will claim that older men deserve love too. No they deserve to die alone because all they want is take younger women’s youth away or have her as a free hospice wife.
I also find it extremely disappointing that even women on here claim that they would date older men for their money. you are giving these filth options instead of letting them realise that their worst enemy is the scrote who looks back at them in the mirror. All older washed up men have to do is flaunt with some money and he has a younger woman.
Don‘t pay attention to them. Why not date a man your age who is already making a lot of good money? There aren’t many of them but it’s better than giving old scrotes the idea that they will always have options.
Men don’t have the power or options we women are giving that to them.
Treat them like they would treat you if you were the older woman. Toss them aside like trash.
"I believe that being constantly on guard and energetically attacked by men's toxicity, and the effort required to clear it from our nervous systems, creates illness and exhaustion for women.:
"Not doing these things changes the game for women."
Yes!
Preach!!!