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I'm going through a very tough breakup. I fell off my white horse and took back a NVM for round 2. Surprise! It was more toxic, and the 2nd breakup is worse than the 1st. In trying to deal with this toxic, trauma bond, total mindf*ck I have been seeking out content. Re-reading all handbook post and reading pretty much anything to help. In searching for books on toxic breakups I came accross this:
Win Your Breakup - Natasha Adamo
“Winning your breakup is not about acting on vengeful feelings, becoming a carrot-dangling tactician, or playing games. It’s about a willingness to do what you have never done before and having the courage to look in the mirror. It’s about using spiteful feelings to your dignified advantage after realizing you’ve invested in a dead end.”
“Unlike a game, breakups are won through resignation. They’re won by giving up on trying to make sense out of nonsense. They’re won by realizing that the real “win” was losing a partner who does not have the ability to meet you anywhere close to halfway. This mentality is what dismantles toxic people. They don’t know what to do when everything they relied on to feel powerful and significant is no longer there. Starting with your low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, and desperation for a crumb of their attention.”
It has helped so much! I would definitely recommend the book for anyone who is going through a breakup. Has anyone read it, what did you think?
Any other tips on how to win your breakup? 🙏🏻
I haven’t read it but I’m constantly consuming FDS and FDS aligned material. Overall, I am beyond winning a break up - I want to win in my life.
I feel for you but this is a blessing. You dodged a bullet and remember for next time (no one wants to wear the same underwear twice). You can listen to “how to step into your power after a breakup”, it might help as well as the breakup FDS podcast. Sit with your feelings, cry, be upset, but don’t sit there for too long. Make a list of what you liked about the relationship and do those things yourself or with your friends. Life is too short to spend it on a scrote. You got this ♥️
Just broke up with a low value man who yet treated me better than the others. I finally had the strength to leave him after it was clear he was mentally unstable and started yelling at me, cussing out my family for no reason and claiming he was never over his ex. then gaslighted me on top of that.
i’ve already been hurting for too long. I’m glad to be free. just now that it’s painful now but the relief after will be tenfold because we dodged a bullet and we are putting our wellbeing first from here on out
I never read that one but I have others, "like why men marry bitches", "maybe he's just an asshole" etc. They are all in the same vein of stop thinking about and hoping for him to love you and start thinking about whether he's worthy of your love and attention. That is a major shift that takes much unlearning of how we were brought up. But it helps to think of all the ways he displeased you. I mean, why would you love someone who consistently and purposely hurt you? I'm just learning that if a man really does care and love me, he would NEVER withhold anything I need from him to feel emotionally safe in the relationship. A real man would immediately stop whatever he is doing that hurts you and never ever make you feel you have to earn his love.
1. Here is a mantra: “I cannot outthink my thoughts or my feelings. I am angry and upset and I might feel this way for sometime.” And just repeat it and take deep breaths. 💡When we try to rationalize/analyze the feelings it prolongs the pain. Just admit I feel like crap and maybe I will feel this way forever but maybe I won…..
2. Have structure every day.
3. Have a reliable, positive social interaction every day. (Im not into therapy but this might be a good time to try it.)
4. If you can afford it be on top of getting massages and your nails done. It’s important to be physically touched in a kind way.
I dislike the concept of “winning your breakup” because it implies that it is a competition where one person wins and the other loses. A woman wins simply by dropping the dead weight of the man, cultivating a healthier life, and seeking contentment and success. The more your ex is a non-entity in your current life, the more you have won.