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Shoutout to Squirrel Q for writing a great post about bringing something to the table. Check it here: What do I bring to the table? I can PICK the best "table" for us, and you're welcome to pay for it :)
Which surprisingly coincide with the topic of today:
When the man asks "What do you bring to the table?"
Ladies, read the post by Squirrel Q first and read this one next!
So when a man asks "What do you bring to the table?"
First and foremost, if any men ever ask you this question on a date - know that he is definitely a LVM/NVM and probably a Feminina as well - so that's your cue to up and leave, bathroom and ghost, block and delete.
Don't waste your time arguing with these men - they aren't there to listen to you, they just want to neg, gaslight and manipulate you. They don't care what you "bring to the table" - they just want to take you down a peg so that they can feel good about themselves.
A true HV masculine man already knows how much value you will bring to his life - that's why he asked you out on a date. He is not there to size you up or make you "prove your worth" - he already done the cost-benefit analysis beforehand and decide that you are definitely worth his investment.
u/curlywurlyprincess/ said it best:
A woman is the table. The man has to bring something to her and make sure she feels comfortable, happy and safe. A woman automatically enriches a man’s life by choosing to be with him. We’re not the same.
So my breakdowns here is not meant to be used as points to counter scrotes' arguments.
NEVER ARGUE WITH MEN AND PICKMES, JUST WALK AWAY! I REPEAT, JUST WALK AWAY!!
These points are for YOU : it is for you to internalize and reflect on what your role is as the feminine counterpart in relationship, and why you are already worthy without needing to "prove" your worth.
These are the reasons why you are born as a woman - and why you don't need to take over the man's job in the relationship, why you are the receiver, why you are meant to be protected and provided for.
HERE'S THE THING: MEN CAN NEVER SEE US AS PERFECT EQUALS, LIKE HOW THEY SEE THEIR FELLOW MEN - HENCE THEY CAN NEVER DO A PERFECT 50/50 WITH US!
Being perfectly "equal" comes from a mindset of "you move the left wheel, I move the right". It comes from the assumption that your are comrade in arms, you watch his back, he watches yours.
That kind of dynamic make perfect sense in the world of men's brotherhood because they naturally see each other as perfect equals.
That won't work when it comes to a relationship - especially a heterosexual one.
Now here's the hard, bitter truth - Men will never see us as equal, no matter how much work we put in to change their mind, no matter how much we wish for it, no matter how hard we work to "prove" ourselves.
They can play pretend for sure - but deep down inside, they can never see us as equal - and it is foolish to think that if we just "try to make them see the truth", they will change.
No, they will not.
WOMEN AREN'T MEANT TO BE "EQUAL" TO MEN - WE ARE MEANT TO BE COMPLEMENTARY TO THEM!
But here's another thing - after 20+ years of living as a Masculina I've realized that women are not meant to be men's equals in relationship - we are meant to be their complementary.
The fight for "being equal" should be reserved to our human rights and education/career advances etc. in the society - that makes sense since we do the same work, so we should get paid the same.
But we should always be complementary when it comes to dating and marriage. There is no sense in taking over the man's role - if we do that, why even date men?
Femininity and Masculinity have very different roles to play - and we may never truly understand why - we just eventually realize that that is how it should be. It is something deeply subconscious, older and wiser than the years and knowledge of all humanity combined.
We all are a product of evolution, and at some point we have to admit that we don't know a lot - even our "logical" argument is only as far as our knowledge goes. Our body, our subconscious, our instinct, our gut knows more than we consciously do.
And I can admit now doing 50/50, pursuing the man, and worrying about "what do we bring to the table?" are wrong.
If a scrote ask me to explain why it felt wrong - I honestly can't answer. I just know deep down inside that this role reversal, 50/50 culture is wrong and being take care of, provided and protected is right. That is what a relationship is.
BUT I can stand up, open my eyes far and wide, and just take a look around - since this role-reversal 50/50 culture is already the norm in our modern society - and observe the reality.
Pickmes and scrotes can spun the BS tale of how "good" their life is until the next decade and try gaslighting me to hell and back - but I simply can't unseen what I've seen - those marriages are hell.
Women are being overworked to the point of near insanity. They are exhausted, bitter, angry, resentful, stressed, sick and sad. I literally got chills imagining if I ended up in such relationship.
I don't understand why these otherwise amazing, capable, beautiful, efficient women are stuck with a parasitic manchild that they parade around, trying to convince people that he is "the man".
Like sis, who are you trying to fool? You here talking till your face is blue about how "amazing" he is while keeping the leash on your three screaming children - while he is over there playing with his phone and leering at younger women.
So instead on thinking that we should be "equal" to them - we have to start thinking about being complementary to a HVM.
Stop thinking about how pay your "share" and start thinking about how to rest in your femininity, in your womanhood, what your role is and how to play it - so that the HVM can play his role and do his job as the man.
Remember that healthy relationship is build on balance of the opposite sides - there's a yin to the yang, a night to the day, a light to the dark - a feminine to the masculine.
This dynamic is deeper and complex that a mere you pay 50 he pays 50 - it is a dynamic that requires you to develop fully into your role, while he develops fully into his - and you both work as a harmony.
No side is less than the other in complementariness, and you do NOT become co-dependent that you are completely helpless without him - BUT you need to reach that level of maturity and wholeness on your side - and he on his side so that you both create a healthy balanced bond.
So adopting that mindset of how to be complementary to a high-value masculine man - here's some points for my sisters who can't yet see what her worth is as a woman, as the feminine side in the relationship.
It is not comprehensive nor in depth, but it is a good starting point:
Your ability to give him a family and turn a house into a home
Let's start with the most obvious point - our ability to give birth, to continue their legacy, to give them a family of their own.
Even for sisters who can't get pregnant or wants to be childfree - we have the inherent ability to turn their house into a home.
Men are by design a pack animal - they thrive and find the meaning of life in having their own family. Men can't live alone for long - they tend to develop depression and psychological problems.
There are a few rare men who can live a solitary life - but those are the exceptions, compared to women who have been documented for years living just fine in seclusion.
Scrotes and society really like to peddle the "crazy cat lady" BS but if you watch enough documentaries about nursing homes, homeless people, or people dying alone found after weeks - the majority of cases are men.
As a healthy-minded women, most of us desire to have our own family, but it won't severely impact our health if we don't.
But for men, I believe having a family is a need - they seem to deteriorate if they don't have a family of their own, even if they are surrounded by wealth and friends.
Going back home to an empty house hits different to them than to us - especially for provider men who spend most of their days working and making money - the solitude is their worst enemy.
I know some men who can't even stand eating alone - which confuses me because I prefer eating alone if the company isn't good - but seems like it is a torture to them.
No matter what kind of man - from HVM to LVM scrotes, they need a partner to fulfill their loneliness - they are afraid of being alone.
That's why scrotes rather settle with a woman they hate than doing the logical move of waiting until they meet their dream woman, and HVM immediately go out to find the perfect partner after they are done building their finances.
So in this case, what do we "bring to the table?" - ourselves, literally. Unless they want to turn gay and have a male partner - they literally need us to give them a family.
They need us to bear them children, they need us to fill their home, they need us to be their family unit, they need us to avoid drowning in loneliness - THEY. NEED. US.
Scrotes be yelling MGTOW!!! all the damn time - but why are they still here lurking in a WOMEN-ONLY space? Go MGTOW and shut up, ffs.
It is not even our role, it is our existence - they need our existence to complete their half of the set. Scrotes like to pretend they don't, but catch them when they are desperate and see who needs who more.
Your Respect
Imagine this: You just came back from your second job to a messy house, your children running around still in their dirty diapers unbathed, dirty clothes piled up, dirty dishes in the sink and there's no food - while your "husband" is there on the couch, playing games while waiting for you to start on dinner ASAP.
I DON'T CARE about the rare "house-husband" - I am talking about the MAJORITY of "50/50" relationship out there - this is their reality.
Can you honestly, honestly say that you respect that kind of "husband"? Can you respect him as your life partner?
Sure, he pays "half"(-ish) of the bills and groceries, but can you really, truly respect that man?
Now imagine you wake up to see that the kids are ready, your husband came to the bedroom with a fresh cup of coffee made exactly to your liking, and the family is all waiting for you downstairs for breakfast?
Now can you honestly say that you respect that man?
If there's one thing men can't live without in their life - it is respect.
And the number one thing men crave from us aside from our existence? It is our respect to them as a man.
As I always said, part of men's design is their ego, especially over women. And the oxygen to that ego is respect.
And here's the thing - respect can only be earned, not given.
Unlike care, nurture and pity - you can't simply give, or pretend that you respect him.
Respect is one of those core human things that can only be received after a person undergo trials and prove that he is worth the respect.
And when it comes to relationship between a man and a woman - their role is to earn that respect, and our role is to respect them after they prove their worthiness.
It is crucial for a man to have our respect - they will be destroyed if they don't have it, it is in their wiring - so they need to prove their worth to us.
So they have to undergo the trials of becoming a man of means, a protector and provider, a reliable and trustworthy future husband and father - and prove that they are fully capable of taking care of us - and hence we will naturally respect them.
This natural progression simply can't happen in a role-reversal, 50/50, Masculina-Feminina relationship.
Women simply can't respect a man that needs her to support half the finances, or let her be the breadwinner of the family.
Yet even the most passive Feminina man is still a man - he still has that man's ego and need for respect deep in his wiring - so that's how a seemingly "progressive" 50/50 relationship turns into the husband resenting the accomplished breadwinner wife and cheats on her with the babysitter and the hooker.
And for my sisters that think men feeling emasculated is "silly" and "a weak man's issue" - just remember that an emasculated man is a dangerous man - the kind that can murder and disremember his own wife.
We all have to remember that we are not men - so we can never predict what will happen when they snap.
You can never really trust a man's words, only his actions because I read somewhere that men operates more on their subconscious mind than conscious - so he may think he is okay with a breadwinner wife, but deep down, over time, he actually is not okay at all.
But we already know as a fact that men as a whole, high value or low value - do need respect, and at risk of feeling emasculated if we compete or took over the leading role in the relationship.
The difference is that HVM will respectfully end the relationship, while LVM/NVM Feminina will pretend or genuinely think they want a 50/50 breadwinner wife, but end up feeling emasculated and resenting the very hand that provides for them.
So please be very careful with the man that say he "doesn't mind" you taking on the steering wheel.
Your High Value Feminine presence
You probably heard it somewhere - about how some women just exude this magnetic presence that makes men open the door and push the chair for them voluntarily.
It sounded so far-fetched and a thing only the most beautiful women will experience - but when you become a High Value Woman and learn to embrace your femininity - you too will exude that presence.
Even if you think you aren't attractive or men never pay any romantic interest in you - you do have that magnetic presence as a born female with dominant feminine energy, you just need to rediscover it - because we have been too masculinized by society.
A feminine presence will look different in different women because we all experience our own unique road - but as a general rule, it is your truest self when you are most balanced, healthy, relaxed, tranquil and you accept life in all its ugliness and beautifulness.
That's why the term used in "resting in your femininity" - it is a passive being state, as opposed to the active doing state of masculinity.
Some people also describe it as quiet confidence - you are just very comfortable and content with yourself, you don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone. They can take you as you are, or they can respectfully go.
So what is it about a woman's feminine presence that is so magnetic to men?
A high value masculine world is very rigid, goal-driven, unforgiving at times, tough, highly disciplined, boring and full of mind-numbing routines - it is like running uphill and each corner gets tougher and tougher.
So when he meets a woman that is balanced, healthy, relaxed, tranquil and and just happily enjoying life - it is like breathing in fresh air, like stepping into a lush rose garden, like walking a field of daisies.
Ever heard of happy wife, happy life? You basically become the source of happiness and relaxation to him - that's why men are willing to go to war for their women.
They are happy when you are happy, and would do anything to ensure you stay happy.
So when they are in a feminine presence on a date, they won't be blown away by your offer to pay half or talking about what you can do for them.
They will be blown away when you sit down in front of him and being unapologetically feminine.
He may try to pull that "gold digger" BS on you when you didn't immediately reach for your purse when the bill arrive - but asks him matter-of-factly "So you can't afford this date then? Why did you ask me out?" and watch him fumbling on his words.
Erect your boundaries sky high - that's how you get a man to respect you.
And here's the bit about respect when it comes to a man respecting a woman - a man had to DO for the woman to earn her respect, while a woman has to BE herself for the man to respect her.
When a woman has high standards, firm boundaries, not being afraid to say NO, genuine confidence and is comfortable in her own skin, has her own life not revolving the guy 24/7, will not take disrespect and will walk away the minute she sense any flicker of it, when she is an immovable mover, when she has her own moral code and isn't afraid to stand in her truth and so, so much more - you don't even have to do or say anything, just be present and he knows instantly you aren't to be taken lightly.
And what's more important is that - like I said above, a man needs your respect - so that's why he has to prove his worth to you, not the other way around.
For us women tough, respect is like a nice expensive jewelry. It feels great to have it, but you don't live and breathe it, you won't be incapacitated, or go crazy if you don't get it - unlike men.
That's why women can live just fine in seclusion - our mental health won't be affected by the lack of people around to give us validation and respect. That's our power.
Patriarchy knows this power very well - so that's why we are brainwashed to constantly needing attention, validation, and "respect" by doing so much for other people.
And somehow suddenly we need to "prove what we bring to the table" to a man. I refuse to entertain that BS any longer after realizing that a man can benefit greatly from my presence alone.
So ladies, don't worn yourself out thinking about how to get respect from a man - just live your queen life to the fullest and ruthlessly enforcing your boundaries, and you will notice how he immediately sit up straighter whenever you enter the room.
Actions speaks louder than words. You don't need any verbal confirmation, just watch how he acts around you.
Your ability to receive with gratitude
This might be hard to believe for some - but a true high value masculine man who wants to protect and provide for his woman - what makes him the happiest is when he see your glowing happiness from receiving his efforts - not when you split the food 50/50.
The heavily masculine society that we live in is very much against receiving and being a constant receiver because for masculine, receiving is bad because it diminish them.
But remember that feminine is the complementary to the masculine, so for us receiving is actually good because we thrive in receiving.
But of course you will never learn this in school because when the whole society is masculine inclined, what is good for masculine becomes the moral code.
So we are all bombarded with the message that "it is better to give than to receive" - not realizing that that moral code is what actually makes us unhappy and exhausted.
Now think about it for a second - if everyone just wants to give give and give, yet nobody wants to receive - what happens?
You get the current phenomenon where narcissists are highly loved and respected because those people are the only ones willing to take take and take.
We all hate narcissists and don't understand why they get to have all the nice things, being the way they are - not realizing that all of us only feel good being a giver and an anxious mess when we receive nice gestures.
I also observe that women tend to give too much to the point of burning ourselves out and don't know when and how to stop - mainly due to our nurture and loving nature. This phenomenon is rarer in men.
We aren't designed to continuously and generously giving - eventually, we will run out of fumes.
Yes, it feels great to get the helper's high and feeling like the good person when you give and help others, but remember: kindness is not just in giving, but also in receiving.
I notice that people, men and women are very happy to find and give me things when I clearly express how I wish that I can get the thing.
For example - I really really love black-colored things and my friends always found a black mug or plushie or something and bought it for me because those things reminded them of me.
And I can see how proud they are when they see me light up - I don't even do anything, I just get really really happy for their surprise present. Yet that's all they need.
That is what a HV masculine man want and need and crave from us - he wants so so badly for you to light up and smile wide and blushing pink because you are really really happy because of what he gives or do for you. And that's all he needs.
It is akin to a thirsty traveler finding a glistening oasis in the middle of the desert.
He got all this giving desire and the ability to do it and is raring to go - but he needs a comfortable grateful receiver so he can feel fulfilled and appreciated.
But just like how we have difficulty finding a genuine HVM, they are also having difficulty finding a genuine grateful feminine receiver, and often get tangled with narcissists instead.
The HVMs out there need us women to step into our feminine and learn how to be the feminine receiver they so desperately need. It is the only form of kindness men truly need from us - not our money or our pity.
We all will benefit greatly from learning the art of receiving with gratitude.
I understand the fear and anxiety, feeling like you "owe" him when he spends on you, and the more he spends the more dread you feel - but please know that those feelings are due to trauma and brainwashing all women so viciously suffer since we are a little girl.
And manipulation from scrotes LVM/NVM narcissists that wants to use and abuse you.
It is a toxic wound, that we all have to face and heal from if we want to be happy. We all deserve to be protected and provided for, but nobody can make you believe that unless you yourself starts to believe it.
No, you aren't "evil" for expecting the man to pay for the date - he asked you out, it is basic courtesy.
The sperm chases the egg remember? And the egg got to choose the strongest, most quality sperm and rejecting the rest.
No, you aren't a "w***e" for receiving money and gifts from the man who is courting you, that's just what courtship is.
Men expecting you to sleep with him on the first date is "normal", but you receiving nice treatments from the man who just want to make you happy is "w***ing yourself out" - how is that logical??
No, you aren't a "b***h" for expecting your husband to protect and provide for you - that is what a HARMONIOUS marriage looks like.
Why marry a guy and multiply your burden when you can just stay single and relax? A husband is suppose to make you happier, not more exhausted.
If you really want to do a favor for the man who has been so kind and generous to you - do it by receiving more comfortably and be more transparent with your happiness. Give him gratitude from the very core of your soul.
It sounds so simple and easy - but it is even rarer than HVMs.
Because the society has convinced us that being the receiver is the "lesser" position.
So instead of learning how to properly receive with gratitude, we grow up becoming awkward and anxious when we receive compliments and kind gestures - we deflect, push it back, demean ourselves, and immediately wants to repay them back so you don't "owe" them anything. Which ends up making them feel bad for their gesture.
Add in the "gold digger" and "I want to find real woman, not those aiming for my wallet" scare tactics - we all become terrified of receiving from people, and especially from men.
Yet how many men out there you see receiving gifts, money, house, car from their girlfriend? And they take without guilt yet the society turns a blind eye to that? Why aren't they labelled gold digger and manw***e?
Here's the simple truth - in relationship, when one side wants to give, the other side has to receive. And if you present yourself as the giver, you will attract men that wants to receive and repel men that want to give. So choose wisely.
It is a man's job to give, it is hard-wired into their being - the difference is that a mature HVM will fully embrace his role and is raring to give, while immature feminina LVM/NVM will throw tantrums due to having to shoulder the responsibility and demand that you go halfsies because "it is not fair, wahhh!!!!".
Your ability to make him feel like "the man"
I always say it and I will say it again - men have ego.
People get triggered when I say this probably because they associate the sentence above with egoistical narcissistic men.
Here's the thing - EVERYONE, MEN AND WOMEN HAVE EGO.
Ego is neutral, it is our sense of self-importance. We need to have a sense of self-importance so that we can prioritize ourselves when deemed necessary.
BUT just like everything else, that ego needs to be balanced and healthy.
And men's ego when it comes to women, especially their love interest are different from their fellow men.
I am discussing this in regards to only High Value Masculine Healthy Men because you already eliminate the LVM/NVM/ZVM scrotes in the first date. Block and delete, up and leave, bathroom and ghost ladies.
A healthy man's ego, when it comes to a woman they are interested in, is basically him wanting to feel like he is "your man".
A masculine can't make another masculine feel like "the man" - both can only make each other feel like equals.
It is a uniquely feminine ability to make the man feel like "the man" simply by being our feminine self.
And for those who asks "So I could never accept a promotion/chances of earning higher than him/building my own business in case I might hurt his ego?"
Let me introduce you to the concept of - your money is your money, his money is for the family.
Go and get whatever it is that makes you happy - but that doesn't mean you suddenly take over the man's job in the relationship.
Never give him the permission to skip on his responsibilities.
The same principle applied if you are skilled at something - like if you can create a landscape people can drool over - do personal projects or create a business you can enjoy. But let him mow the lawn and trim the bushes. Those are the very boring and not fun chores - Let him take care of them! Be more selfish with where you spend your energy.
Let him be inspired by you instead - and motivates him to push harder and get better so that he can provide for you at the level you are now at.
I am also a fan of keeping some things private, even from my own future partner - because my financials isn't any of his business, so I see no reason why I have to share every single little thing.
When you understand that being a provider is 100% the man's job - you got to enjoy the freedom of working and quitting whenever you feel like it.
You aren't burdened by responsibilities and pressure, you simply doing what you love to do, however you like, whichever way you like.
That also translated into you working differently - you get to set your own pace and boundaries, instead of feeling chained and pressured because you got people relying on you bringing in half the income.
I know of a very brilliant O&G, the head of her department in a prestigious university hospital who decided one day that she was done with her career and wanted to quit. And she did, happily because her husband is the one providing for the family. She now practicing privately.
I also know of another lady in her 60s still working a back-breaking job because she does the 50/50 marriage and her kids are enrolling in college.
If you are currently dating a man who earn less than you or not at the same level where you are at or aiming to be, the best advice I can give you is to consider hypergamy.
If you are a certain level or are aiming for a certain level, maybe it is best for you to focus on man who are at that level and above - so that he can comfortably provide for you.
Remember, dating is suppose to be a serious process of you choosing the best future husband for your future family, the best future father for your future kids, the best future loyal lover for your future long marriage, the best future provider and protector masculine man for your feminine self.
You simply can't afford to do charity dating, "give a guy a chance", hookups, dating broke guys, wasting your money doing the 50/50 BS - being a feminine presence is expensive, you can't stretch yourself thin giving all these scrotes your precious time and attention.
You can't and should not date "potential" - if he want to, he would. He doesn't need your encouragement or nagging or love to change - he will change if he wants to change.
Even if you do just want to date for fun, for practice or whatever, you are better of doing multiple "friendly outings" and don't spend more time than necessary with them. Learn how to receive with gratitude and being comfortable with that.
And no, never trust the scrotes who "test" their date to see which one is "real" - that is immaturity at its finest level.
A true HVM don't need to do any BS "tests" - he already vetted you before asking you out, he doesn't need to play any of these childish mind games. He is ready and prepared to impress when he set foot on that date.
A HVM on a date wants to prove to you he can be "the man" - your man.
And It is your turn to vet him on the date and moving forward.
Remember, don't build with a man. Find "your man".
Stay tuned, and stay safe.
Such a beautiful and succinct way to put all of our philosophy in one article. Thank you, sister! I have saved your wisdom so that I can share with other sisters when they‘re a little lost.
As for me, it took me many years of bad experiences with leaching LVMs and a couple of years of intense support from our FDS sisters to finally arrive at the place where user, needy and immature men are just immediately repulsive. And I consider this a true shift.